Dating For Godot
I moved
here two months ago to start a new job. Ever since, an adorable 33-year-old
coworker has been standing outside my office door at the end of the day,
chatting with me for a half-hour or so. He often invites me to lunch and
on outings with him and other coworkers, including last weekend's
party on a coworker's farm. There, he said to tell him when I'm
performing (I'm in a band) so “they” -- the office crowd
-- could come listen. Basically, he's done everything but ask me
out! While I truly appreciate his going out of his way to include the
new girl, I'm frustrated -- I really want him to make a move! Am
I reading too much into his invitations?
--It Takes Twelve To Tango
The state of men, these days, mirrors the state of the martini, which has gone all frilly and girly, and requires much micro-management -- lest it come in purple, with green Jolly Ranchers bobbing around Malibu Barbie‚s floating head.
A lot of women suddenly have a hard time determining whether a man is preparing to ask them out or preparing to be embalmed. This is no news to you, since the guy circling your wagon appears to base his dating M.O. on “How Emulating A Paperweight Can Help You Pick Up Chicks.” Now, maybe this guy is merely a one-man chamber of commerce. Then again, maybe he'd like a date with you that doesn't require police and fire personnel for coworker crowd-control, but maybe he's afraid of stepping in something sticky, with sexual harassment written all over it. Probably, though, he's just as lost as the rest of the men.
How did men get so lost? Rogue feminists helped them. They whacked men upside the head with a big bronze bust of Gloria Steinem. While they were all out cold, somebody did a lot of whispering in their ears about not acting like such hairy beasts: “No, boys, sit down, have a civilized cup of tea, and stick out your pinkies...if you want us to like you.” (P.S. We do like you like this, yes -- we just won't have anything to do with you on Saturday night...nyah, nyah, nyah!)
Men shot back a big lie of their own: that they want women to pursue them. Wrong! Men are hunters. They don't want to be gathered. Men love the chase. What they don't love is a chase that ends with a big wooden club popping out of the wall and clobbering them -- or, worse yet, with the words “Why are you talking to me?” popping out of a woman's mouth and clobbering them.
Suddenly, men are lying around like slabs of raw liver on wax paper, waiting for somebody to take charge -- just as long as it isn't the woman. That's where The Slider Date comes in. It's an after-work meeting of two colleagues -- a date that's not a date...unless the colleagues on it let it slide into one. Wait until all potential chaperones have left the building, then ask him out for drinks. Flirt a little, and if it goes well, flirt violently, until he gets the message that you're just about dying to be chased. You may need to repeat the process, as it can take time to undo the brain damage done by the big bronze bust. If you aren't the patient sort, you might try washing his mind out with a couple martinis -- you know the drill: shaken, not stirred, hold the marshmallows, forget the graham crackers, and lose the macadamia nuts.
In today's "Dating" saga, men have learned to avoid even the mere thought of acquiring dates at the workplace. Most men's magazines define it as 'flirting with a pink slip'. Being a guy, a solid professional position is much harder to secure than a solid personal relationship. In the laws of our land, sexual harrasment accusations require a bit of substance, in the 'real world' it requires only an accusation to find yourself unemployed.
Guys are no longer likely to approach any woman in the workplace, myself included. The are a lot of great women in places other than the office.
Rob at February 24, 2006 10:49 AM
Any guy who even TALKS to a woman at work outside of the line of duty is a DUMB ASS! In other words, if your conversation with her isn't STRICTLY JOB RELATED, then you do not talk to women in the workplace-end of story. That adorable 33 year old accountant needs to get a clue! If he doesn't, then I see a pink slip in HIS future...
Not only is it much easier for a man to get a pink slip for looking at a woman the wrong way, or not looking at her the right way; it is harder for a man to find subsequent employment, thanks to affirmative action. So, for a man, a sexual harassment accusation can: 1) get him fired on the spot; and 2) it'll be much harder for him to get another job. Upon doing a risk assessment, a man is better off ignoring female colleagues. Hey, Ladies, you should be breaking out the bubbly; corks should be a poppin'. You got what you wanted! You got us to ignore you; you got us miserable, SOBs to leave you alone! Now, leave us alone, already-enough of your bitchin' & moaning...
Thankfully, I work with only men in my department. Life is so much easier and drama free without women around! Sheesh, the very THOUGHT of working with women again frightens me-seriously. I don't talk to the women @ my company unless I absolutely have to; I don't even LOOK at them. This isn't done because I hate women; it's for simple self-preservation. I don't need the drama that an unfounded, BS accusation would bring. After all, women have the power to wreck my life, something I don't need nor actively seek. If I want drama, I'll read Tom Clancy, thank you very much.
Single & Free,
MarkyMark
MarkyMark at May 18, 2007 12:24 AM
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