The Color Of Honey Who should pay on a dinner date?
--Ms. Understanding
IF YOU consider yourself a man's equal, your equality shouldn't vaporize when the check comes. This doesn't mean that you (or he) should pull out an abacus and divide the bill down to the penny or bicker about who ate the lion's share of the calamari. Instead, on a first date, the person who did the inviting should pay in full. It's like throwing a party: Unless you were raised in a cave, you probably wouldn't demand that your guests cough up $13.79 at the door for their share of the food and booze.
Say your first date was the guy's treat. On your second date, let the words, "I'll get that!" trip off your lips, and be fast about grabbing the check. (Review your CPR training beforehand, in case it's the first time your date has ever heard a woman speak those words.) From then on, casually alternate who pays -- "give and take" instead of "take and take." If, however, you're seeing a man who frequents restaurants beyond the capacity of your penny-jar, scratch that. Ask him out often to places and events within your budget, and pick up the tab. The bottom line? Look for a man to be your boyfriend, not your bank.
I think there is no hard-and-fast rule. Many guys get upset when the girl pays, because they see it as an assumption that they -can't- pay. I usually play it by ear... I reach for my card when the check comes, and ask, "How much do I owe?" If the guy hands over the check so I can add it up, I cough up the dough. Usually, he insists. Even if I make the date. Even if I try to get the whole check and treat him. If he insists, I don't push it, as some guys get upset. My current boyfriend, for example, is very old-fashioned. So he buys me dinner, I cook him dinner, and that works for us.
Nicole at March 20, 2006 4:48 PM
I agree 100 percent with Amy on this, and on most of her advice, actually. I must say, however, that splitting the tab with a woman likely will mean the relationship won't go very far. Most women expect to be taken care of, at least symbolically, even if they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. So, splitting the tab is likely to signal to her, consciously or not, that you're not the protector/provider she "needs."
Good luck, guys.
Roger Hayden at March 9, 2008 11:34 AM
Leave a comment