This Old Heart I just met a really sweet woman. She's got it going on in every way -- brains, beauty, style, and then some. Miracle of miracles, she's single and seems to like me, too. Unfortunately, I just came out of a relationship. I know -- let's just say I've learned from past mistakes -- that I am not ready to get seriously involved with anyone right now, and I probably won't be ready for a few months. I'm worried that if I don't jump now, she'll think I'm not interested, or she'll start seeing somebody else. Should I go against my better judgment, ask her out, and try to take it really, really slowly? This woman is too great -- I can't let her get away.
--Sidelined
NEVER OFFER a woman your heart until you've finished duct-taping it back together.
Instead, tell her something like this: "I really want to ask you out, but I just broke up with someone. I'd like to take your number and call you in a few months." Translation: I am the picture of emotional health and restraint, and someday soon I could make you a very good boyfriend.
Don't allow impatience to go out with her to mess up the pretty picture you've drawn. If you get fidgety, look for a woman who isn't into anything more than a night or two of nude Twister. Although you can't heal heartbreak by losing yourself in the crotch of another...it can be a lot of fun to try.
That's a common thing for guys. I came out of a 15 year marriage that the only word that can be used for is 'abusive' at the same time a friend did. The only difference between he and I was that I took the time to put myself back together before putting myself back on the market, while he did his best to find a replacement immediately. I had warned him that after an experience like his, that any woman that smiled at him would look like an angel, but a few months' time would be needed before he could tell that those eyeteeth were 2" long and sunk into his neck.
Seriously, it's not fair to the guy, and it is not fair to her to be known in his heart as "not the ex". Anybody in a relationship needs to be defined in terms of who they are as opposed to how they are different from someone else.
I'm now 5 years into the best years of my life, and my friend is 7 years into a never-ending soap opera.
t at April 20, 2009 1:33 PM
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