Bad News Bares
I'm a single, divorced mother who met a wonderful man. Last week, he wanted me to come over. Because of my children, my only option was to pop by during my son's junior high baseball game. I dropped my son off, but instead of parking and watching the game, I drove to this man's house and we had sex. Afterward, I rushed back to the game and caught the last part. My son said he didn't see me in the stands, and asked where I was. I don't know if he thinks of his mother as a sexual person, so I ducked the question, but I'm not sure I can pull that off again. Also, I don't want to lie or give him the wrong idea about sex.
Kids may say "the darndest things," but if there's one thing your kid should never be in a position to say to you, it's "So, Mommy, did you get your freak on last night?"
Not only did you beat your kid to third base, and then some, you're seriously thinking of telling him? You don't want to lie, you say, or "give him the wrong idea about sex." Sorry, but the wrong idea about sex is what a kid gets when his mother tells him she's having it, and worse yet, when he realizes it's more important to her than sticking around for his game. You've probably succumbed to Cool Mom Syndrome, treating your children like they're your adult friends, only shorter. They're not. While any kid who scams his way onto a computer without parental controls can see sex acts that make the Flying Wallendas look like the Wheelchair-Bound Invalids, no kid ever wants to picture his parents having sex, and especially not his single mother sliding into home with some strange man.
Sure, it's hard to tell your kids about the birds and the bees, which is why there are helpful books out there with passages like "When a man loves a woman very much..." not "When a Mommy loves her little baseball player very much, but has some serious ants in her panties..." If you want to give your son some truly valuable sex education, tell him not to feel pressured to have it, to use a condom if he does, and to maintain custody of that condom at all times. There are unscrupulous women out there with full pincushions and empty turkey basters who will turn him into an unwitting sperm donor, visiting dad, and cash machine.
Regarding your needs, the moment you turned your diaphragm into a Frisbee, they started coming third -- or should have. So, "I am woman, hear me roar," and all that -- yes -- but from the bleachers when your kid's batting, not into the pillow lest Wonderful Man's neighbors assume there's a crime in progress...that is, beyond parental neglect. Instead of trying to relieve your guilt (you do feel some guilt, right?) by confessing to your kid, think remorseful thoughts, and make it up to him in time and attention. As for how you can have children and sex dates, too, was it too much for your lust-addled brain to figure out that you can swap babysitting hours with some other sex-mad single mom? Yes, with just a little advance planning, you'll eliminate the need to brief your 13-year-old on your whereabouts: "Actually, dear, I remembered I had something on the stove -- I just didn't realize at the time that it was me."