Men Of Haircolor
I'm a 38-year-old guy in decent shape, but my prematurely graying hair makes me look much older. Should I try some of that hair dye for men I see at the drugstore?
--Color Me Uninformed
Men self-dyeing their graying hair are today's version of bald men who thought they were fooling people while looking like a small animal dropped off a tree and landed on their head. It's understandable that you don't want to look "distinguished" at 38 -- a word 28-year-old girls use to describe their grandpa. But, what's worse than going prematurely gray? Going prematurely the color of fresh baby eggplant, like so many do-it-yourself Mr. Clairols. Others go way too dark; for example, light-skinned Jewish guys who end up looking like they hair-robbed Benicio Del Toro. If you must dye, make tracks for the salon. But, consider the look of self-acceptance: seeming comfortable in your own skin (and gray hair). You might call this the other "Just For Men" -- just for men who'd rather avoid being the guy who posted in a webforum, "Just for Men hair color turned the skin around my mustace [sic] a reddish purple color. How do I fix this?"
I'm graying ever so slightly at 36 - overall lightening and a few strands of silver - and have no intention of touching it. I'm just glad it's still there.
Ltw at April 27, 2010 5:53 PM
Speaking as a woman, I find it sexy when a prematurely gray guy embraces it as part of his style. Look like you care, but you're not trying too hard. One way to go (I guess this depends on his profession) is the "Why, yes, I was recently on the cover of GQ, why do you ask?" look, which involves a pulled-together wardrobe and good tailoring. The other way to go is the effortlessly casual (still nice-looking but more rugged) jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket look. I personally think graying temples work well on a guy who just goes with it. Don't act like you're embarrassed by the gray. And get a good haircut.
NumberSix at April 27, 2010 8:39 PM
First off, I like gray hair. On men and on a lot of women too. And I prefer my men to keep their grooming rituals simple. (A bit off topic, but I also think that men who are seriously balding should embrace the balding, and either shave the head or keep it very close-clipped. I dig a shaved head, actually.)
Getting back to dye, though -- not all women's drugstore dyes suck. While I've certainly seen some disasters, a few of my friends use it and for the most part, with a few glaring exceptions, their color is attractive and natural-looking, as long as they haven't tried to do anything too crazy or drastic. Is the men's stuff worse? Or are men less skilled at using it?
If you're going to dye your hair, it's expensive to keep up at the salon, so I can see the temptation to do it at home.
Gail at April 27, 2010 10:04 PM
CMU: What do you have to lose? Go ahead and have your hair dyed. But for your first time have a hair stylist help you chose the best color for your hair and apply it. If you like your new younger look, the next time you need to reapply your hair color, go ahead and buy your hair dye at the store and do it yourself. I really don’t think there is any difference between “Just of Men” and “Women” hair color. Except for price.
Will at April 27, 2010 10:58 PM
"OMG, I'm losing my hair, and my confidence, too"
To which I respond, "and your balls, as well."
I used to have nice, long hair. But it started to go away. When it started to look like a hair colored shower curtain, draping my head, I pretty much decided that it was time to get rid of it.
I never once tied my self esteem to my hair. It was nice while it lasted, but I'm comfortable with what I still have (like, really short, man).
And you know what? It hasn't been an issue. While I've stumbled on a few women who are fixated on the coif, most of them don't really seem to care, as long as the man is really a man, rather than a life support system for some hair.
Some call me Tim? at April 27, 2010 11:51 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2010/04/men-of-haircolo.html#comment-1711381">comment from WillI really don’t think there is any difference between “Just of Men” and “Women” hair color.
Why do people feel so comfortable weighing in on stuff they know nothing about? Always amazes me.
http://science.howstuffworks.com/hair-coloring6.htm
http://pubs.acs.org/cen/whatstuff/stuff/7811scit4.html
Amy Alkon at April 28, 2010 1:15 AM
Actually, many people (men moreso than women, but even many women as well) may not notice a dramatic change in hair colour, at least in a man. I went from darkish blond to black last year and was surprised at the number of people that didn't notice.
As for doing it, look in the mirror and decide what you want. I've received both good and bad comments on my change, but I don't really give a damn either way since I look in the mirror now and it makes me smile. There's no question in my mind that it's made me a happier person, even if I'm now apparently less attractive to some women.
(As it happens, I'm over 40, but I have no grey hair as of yet.)
Curt Sampson at April 28, 2010 2:00 AM
BF started going gray long before we re-met and ended up cohabitating. Apparently, his ex wanted him to dye it, and the woman who cuts his hair said "absolutely NOT! It looks great the way it is, and you don't want to be a slave to coloring your hair." And he listened to her. He keeps it cut short, but it's curly, and I think it looks great! He likes it too, and that's all that really matters.
(Agree with Gail about guys balding, too. The comb-over just looks bad. I think most guys do it because they're afraid of giving up their "youth". They should just go with it and let their hair go. It's not like they're all Samson! And Delilah doesn't really care, anyway.)
Flynne at April 28, 2010 5:23 AM
Um 38 with a bit of gray is hardly premature aging! But if he wants to dye it, he should get a professional consultation.
Heh, I had to talk my hubby out of the combover. He looks best with it cropped short and close.
NicoleK at April 28, 2010 7:12 AM
My take on hair for men: keeping everything from the hairline on down tight, trim and looking like it did at 22 will likely do more for your appeal than hair coloring.
How hard you working on that region?
Spartee at April 28, 2010 7:13 AM
I'm 46 now and my hair has been getting gray on the sides for a couple of years. I wonder why this ever should be an issue. My girlfriend of eight years isn't complaining, and if she were so shallow to be turned off by this, she'd probably not be my girlfriend anyway.
When they fall out completely, I'll have more face to wash and less hair to comb, end of story.
P.S.: Last saturday, we went to a party and met a good friend of mine who hadn't seen us for two years. She said: "You've been getting gray on the sides", which earned her one of my stock answers: "Yeah, I've been dyeing my hair recently, the package said 'light cemetery blonde'."
Rainer at April 28, 2010 7:46 AM
At 21 I quit shaving because trimming the whiskers with scissors once a week was so much less trouble. How much extra effort do you think I expended in my late 30s when my beard, and 15 years later my hair, turned grey? None, of course.
I didn't mind, my wife liked it, and my status didn't go down at work.
In my 60s the hairline has been receding, and if anyone notices, I say, "Yes, after all these years I've finally changed my hair style. I'm wearing it farther back on my head."
Axman at April 28, 2010 7:55 AM
I love the "I'm wearing it further back on my head" comment.
Marva at April 28, 2010 8:19 AM
I started greying in my early thirties. At 42 and newly single, I grew a beard which was almost white. I started getting hit on by 60 year old women at singles dances and decided to do the Just For Men thing on head and beard.
It looked ridiculous! I waited until I had half an inch of grey roots and shaved the beard and had all but the grey cut off.
As my hair thinned, I cut it shorter and shorter until 4 years ago when my new GF (now my wife) suggested that I shave it off. I've been happily bald ever since.
Shaving my head and face every second day takes about 20 minutes and there is no worries about bed head or hair needing combing.
I use Gilette Fusion blades and only get two shaves per blade, so I'm not saving any money.
Steamer at April 28, 2010 8:29 AM
I'm 27 and my fiancé is 38. He has been a little bit gray in the hair and beard since I met him 3 years ago. I think it's hot. I'd never dated an older man before, but love my fiance's personality and his big, smart brain. His being a handsome devil doesn't hurt, either. He's not hung up about his graying hair, but does prefer the term, "platinum."
I probably wouldn't have dated a man if I knew he dyed his hair to cover grays, because I'd assume (possibly erroneously) that he's shallow, self-absorbed, and insecure. Or at least one of those. Turn-off city.
Younger Woman at April 28, 2010 9:36 AM
I got pretty excited once when I thought I found a grey in husband's hair... but it was just the way the light hit it. Anyway, he's 38, I'm 29, and I think grey hair on a man is sexy. A man dying his hair implies a certain vanity that just isn't "manly."
ahw at April 28, 2010 10:18 AM
Heed ye this warning: Billy Crystal. Seriously, dude - do you think jet-black hair looks natural with liver spots and pasty skin? Love ya, but ...
As I approach 50, I am lucky enough to have all my hair and just a few grays (or grays, depending on your linguistic persuasion). For Steamer and you voluntary chrome-domes, I have seen a cool thumb-ring razor in finer pharmacies everywhere. Happy de-forestation!
Mr. Teflon at April 28, 2010 1:18 PM
At 33 I have 'a small handful' of gray hairs. My brother is only a few years older and has many, so I expect I'll soon be much grayer. The idea of going gray used to terrify me, but by the time it actually started happening, it suddenly stopped bothering me ... in fact in some ways I like it, I think maybe because having gone through a lot of 'growing up' over the past few years, I feel 'I'm not a child anymore' and I feel it somehow is part of 'projecting' that. They're symbols of what I've been through and achieved. The idea of going bald still terrifies me though. It's not about "vanity"; it's just the harsh reality that it limits your scoring options. Sure confidence (and other things like success) can get you far ... but it's mathematical fact that statistically, once you get to that point, your options drop off significantly. Trying to pretend that it makes no difference at all 'if you're confident' is a nice fairy-tale but it's about as realistic as women who believe that they should get just as much attention when old or overweight because it's 'what's on the inside that counts'. Yes there are men who've been able to 'make it work' and still be seen as sexy ... e.g. Sean Connery ... but we can't all be Sean Connery. We can learn from him though ... every bit helps ... keep in shape, groom, carry yourself with dignity etc. (and make a lot of money).
Lobster at April 28, 2010 3:07 PM
I'm turning grey FAST, from all the brutal blog commenting, but people are being nicer than at any earlier time in life. Colored hair and toupees and fake breasts and noses are all of a kind: The actual results are so comically strange, uncanny valley-strange, that one wonders if their wearers have ever looked at another human being. How bad an eye for beauty do you have to have before you think that's attractive adornment?
Letterman had a great retort when accused of wearing a toupee: "Would I choose one that looks like THIS?"
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at April 28, 2010 4:35 PM
I was so interested to see Amy's links about men's hair dye! I wonder why they formulate it differently. If the dudes really are going to insist on dyeing their hair, they should just grab the women's stuff.
But really guys -- you can leave it alone. The worthwhile women don't care. Frankly, even most of the shallow women don't mind gray hair. A lot of women dig it (including me).
Gail at April 28, 2010 5:30 PM
All the comments from women saying that gray hair properly embraced is sexy are telling me maybe I don't have enough. Do they sell a "silver wings" colour at the supermaarket or do I have to talk to my stylist about it?
Ltw at April 28, 2010 6:17 PM
There's been some kind of celebrity trend to add gray highlights! But seriously, Ltw, the sexiest thing in a man is to be confident with what you've got. The minute I feel like a man has spent too much time futzing on his appearance, I get a bit turned off.
I once went into a date's bathroom and saw that he had a four-step cleansing, toning, and moisturizing ritual. Let's not even talk about his hair care products. Major turn-off.
Gail at April 28, 2010 6:43 PM
I've got some gray, but still mostly dark. To me going gray is just another sign of creeping decrepitude - bummer but that's life.
My earliest memories of my dad were of him being grayer than I am now - him in his early thirties vs me at 50. I remember my sister insisting he color if for her wedding. If it had happened to me I think I would have told her where to go and what to do when she got there.
William (wbhicks@hotmail.com) at April 28, 2010 7:02 PM
"I once went into a date's bathroom and saw that he had a four-step cleansing, toning, and moisturizing ritual. Let's not even talk about his hair care products. Major turn-off."
But snooping in his medicine cabinet? Now that is sexual catnip, folks! ; )
Spartee at April 28, 2010 7:06 PM
Don't take me too seriously Gail, the last thing I would do is waste time colouring my hair - gray or otherwise! In fact my standing orders to the only person I will allow to cut my hair (typically once every 6 months or so) are that whatever she does it cannot require more than 30 seconds each morning to fix. No hair dryer allowed. A quick comb and a tiny amount of wax to hold everything in place. She's a damn good cutter and whether I'm after short or long at the time it grows out fine and with no requirement for fussing on my part.
And my just-short-of-shoulder-length, brown/blond/gray wavy hair gets plenty of compliments so I'm happy with that. As for cleansing/moisturising/etc - what are those? A nice soap, regular showers, and a tiny spritz of aftershave on going out nights are it. It's one of those fundamental differences between men and women perhaps - men who pay too much attention to their appearance are pushing the wrong line with regard to what women are actually looking for. As Amy has often pointed out.
Ltw at April 28, 2010 7:07 PM
It wasn't in the medicine cabinet, Spartee! It was all hanging out in the open on the bathroom vanity counter. (He probably should have hidden it in the medicine cabinet. Heaven only knows what he found it worthwhile to hide in there . . . .)
Gail at April 28, 2010 7:18 PM
I always said I'd go gray gracefully, until I started getting these wirey, thick, WHITE hairs coming in right out of the top of head at age 22. Going prematurely gray is a family trait that looks terrific on my 31-year-old brother but makes me look like a witch (with all apologies to the Pagan community). So now, at 34, I color my hair. I've started going lighter rather than darker, and just in the front where these devil hairs grow in (Right now it's a rather plucky shade of fuck-me red). Once it starts becoming predominant, I'm going to let it go. I think.
My husband started losing his hair in his early 20's - again, gotta love genetics - and at my urging he finally started shaving it off. I think it's sexy as hell.
Beth at April 28, 2010 7:21 PM
If a man has good bone structure, there is nothing sexier than a shaved head, especially if he's in great shape. Oh, yeah.
Gail at April 28, 2010 7:24 PM
my guy started going grey in his late 30's. He has a full, thick head of gorgeous silvery-grey hair. He prefers to have grey hair over going bald like many other men his age (mid-50's now). He can deal with the grey but the thought of going bald horrifies him. He's thankful for the gene that let him keep his hair no matter what color!
I've teased him that he should dye it cobalt blue - would be very striking! He just rolls his eyes.
tori m at April 29, 2010 11:28 AM
I find grey hair sexy on men and have since I was younger.I like it on women too. It is part of life so learn to accept whatever stage in life you are.
I always planned on letting mine go gray and for years used semi-permanent colors in the purple family b/cI like that they faded away(started in my punk days when I was a teen 30 years ago and it just became like my "natural" color)but the dyes have changed and now even tho they say semi-they are permanent and grow out w/ roots. I am now 48, about 20% gray and wish I could grow it out but it's shoulder length and can't bear how crappy it will look for long enough to grow out!
If you don;t start dying, you won't have this issue.
linny at April 30, 2010 5:14 AM
When will men realize that there are lots of women that find grey hair and/or baldness sexy? Just look at George Clooney (drool), Sean Connery, for example.
it's true tt the style has a lot to do with it, for example my husband at 34 has quite a large bald spot (and it's quite speckled with grey as well), when we started dating he was 27 and with the same amount of hair, pretty much, but a HORRIBLE cut that he got done professionally... it was pretty much a mushroom look, really awful.
Luckily a few years ago I convinced hi to start letting me cut it for him, i'd like to make it even shorter than I do, but everyone agrees it looks so much better than before!
jk at April 30, 2010 6:19 AM
"My earliest memories of my dad were of him being grayer than I am now - him in his early thirties vs me at 50. I remember my sister insisting he color if for her wedding. If it had happened to me I think I would have told her where to go and what to do when she got there."
William -- your sister sucks! Boo. If I were ever to get married, my Dad can do what he likes at my wedding provided he wears pants (and if he prefers a kilt, that's fine with me).
That reminds me -- a male friend of mine dated a ridiculous woman who kept trying to get him to get hair plugs. Hair plugs! I told him she sucked, he looked much better bald, and her request was pretty much the equivalent of some jackass trying to get me to have breast implants. I got about 15 other females to chime in with me to give him reassurance that the freaky bitch he was dating was an aberration and that most of us detest hair plugs and don't mind a guy being bald. Hair plugs, indeed!
(He's now married to a woman who likes his bald head, so the story has a happy ending.)
Gail at April 30, 2010 7:46 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2010/04/men-of-haircolo.html#comment-1711907">comment from GailA shaved head is, to me, the look of a man qui va bien dans sa peau -- who's comfortable in his own skin. That's a man, to me. A guy who plays coverup with remaining strands?...not for me.
Amy Alkon at April 30, 2010 8:12 AM
I agree.
And hairplugs? I've got to say, even if they looked great (and it's hard to believe they would), it would be a complete turnoff to me that he'd had the procedure done. What better proof that the guy is self-loathing than that he had pubic hair implanted into his scalp? (Actually, to be fair, I have no idea if that's really what they do, but that's how I've got it pictured. Anyway, wherever they're getting the hair from, they should leave it where it is.)
Gail at April 30, 2010 9:36 AM
I guess bald is sexy. The girls like it. Do all these girls want to sleep with their daddy--or maybe I am still hot.
Oh well. It is my duty to satisfy that booty.
BOTU at May 1, 2010 8:53 PM
Our media is to blame, of course. Just look at how the various news stations allow their male casts to color their hair with! Or the ill guided toupés. And the Donald Trumps of this country should get a black bar superimposed over his entire hive/structure whenever on air. Senate and House should bar there dyed and toupéd members from speaking publicly, and election posters would be required in 100 point type to point out the hair dye brand the candidates abuse.
joachim at May 2, 2010 3:24 PM
After reading all the pros and cons here, i just had to weigh-in on this topic. I am only broaching the haircolouring topic here, not comb-overs, plugs, baldness, etc.
My mother's bad hair genes descended down the line, and one of my sisters started going grey at the age of 13, much to her dismay. By the time she was mid-20s, she was nearly totally grey. She looked prematurely old due to the grey hair, so she started colouring it when she was in her early 30s, and ~wow~ did it ever make a difference in her appearance! She picked a nice shade that did not look unnatural. She finally didn't look 50. I felt awful for her that she went through her teens and 20s as a grey-haired person.
Me?... i was a little luckier in the hair gene pool and started going grey in my late 20s. I decided then that i didn't want to look older than what i am either, so i started dyeing my hair then, and continue doing so to this day. I'm sure there will come a day where, as Steamer says, i'll grow it out long enough to cut off the coloured strands and just be grey. Just not yet.
I do agree that the LW should perhaps visit a salon to get his first colour job, if only to find out what best suits him. Too many first-timers choose one of those off-the-wall shades (purple?) that just does not compliment their age... only teens and 20-somethings can get away with the purple and/or florescent orange hair! Thereafter, he could then choose off the shelf and colour it himself at home; a much less expensive proposition.
To you posters who are judging people who colour their hair, that's just wrong. You can have your opinions, but please, stop the name-calling against those who choose to do something different than what you would choose to do for yourself. It's just shallow.
Bluejean Baby at May 2, 2010 8:37 PM
To you posters who are judging people who colour their hair, that's just wrong.
Um, the guy wrote to an advice columnist to ask advice about whether to color his hair. He is literally asking for some judging so he can make a decision. And you're talking about yourself and other women. It is different for a man to color his hair when he starts going gray. It's part of that whole cosmetic maintenance thing that really works better on women. Another point is that gray hair is different for men than it is for women. On a man, it tends more to lend an air of sophistication and/or experience. Well-worn, perhaps, like a favorite leather jacket. The same look doesn't fly as well with women.
I liken this dilemma to Amy's thoughts on men who wear makeup. Yes, maybe it shouldn't be different for men, but it is. It's not expected as part of a man's routine, and therefore it's more noticeable. I think that's the key here: noticeable. If this guy has already started going gray, then people will notice when he's not anymore. To paraphrase an old bit on hair extensions by Sinbad, if your hair's short on Monday and down to your butt on Wednesday, people will notice.
All of this being said, I don't really have a problem with men who dye their hair (provided it's done well). But I advise this guy to try out his new, grayer look first. I'll stress again that the most important thing here is to get a good haircut. I mean a good haircut. Try to be confident and relaxed and see how it feels. If you decide it doesn't work for you, then get the salon consultation. Trying to be comfortable and confident in what you have should come first, though, just so you know you're not just chasing the feeling of youth for its own sake.
NumberSix at May 2, 2010 9:28 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2010/04/men-of-haircolo.html#comment-1712252">comment from NumberSixThank you, NumberSix. Well-put!
Amy Alkon at May 2, 2010 11:02 PM
I'd also add, for men and women, that unless you're confident in your hair-dying skills, spring for a professional to do it. My hair is long, and it would be patchy and weird if I did it myself.
When I go gray, I'm hoping for crazy-long gray hair. I love that look.
MonicaP at May 3, 2010 7:17 AM
I've been good at dying my own hair since high school, and I have still had accidents. Once I got a box of Herbal Essences that was called Spiced Ginger, which was a kind of reddish brown and very pretty. However, I neglected to read the fine print that said that was the color you got with dark brown hair. Well, my dark blonde hair turned orange. Like full-on carrot orange. After waiting a couple of days, I dyed over it with a darker auburn, which actually turned out really nice on me. But I definitely recommend for anyone unsure about what color your hair will actually turn out (hint: it's never the color on the box) to go to the salon for the first dying. The trained professionals will know what the end result will look like. I had been lightening my hair for a while and wanted to go back to my natural color, and my (board-certified colorist) hairdresser mixed the perfect colors (a light blonde and ashy brown) to get an exact match for my dark, dark blonde. You couldn't even tell where the new growth ended when it started growing out. Anyway, I agree with MonicaP that the good professionals have the training, so let them do the work if you're not sure.
NumberSix at May 3, 2010 12:24 PM
Men, the real ones that is, leave that hair alone and just cut it neat! Guys going beyond that just look not-so-confidant.
Suki at May 3, 2010 4:26 PM
"When I go gray, I'm hoping for crazy-long gray hair. I love that look."
Amen MonicaP- When I am old, I will have a thick grey braid down past my butt, and 42 cats. Until they take me and the cats away, that is.
My two cents worth of redundancy, since I don't recall any of the ladies writing in and saying grey hair on a man is repulsive;, my hubby is 38, and has been greying since he was 32. Unbearably HAWT. Loveitloveitloveit. Would strangle him if he dyed it.
Juliana at May 4, 2010 7:23 AM
Well, Suki, I guess I'm not a real man. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard that.
As for seeming not-so-confident, well, like I care? :-)
More seriously, I suspect that the dyed hair is a symptom, not a cause, of the lack of confidence you detect in such men, and merely not dying your hair is not going to fix that.
Curt Sampson at May 4, 2010 10:10 AM
It really depends on a person's individual style and the kind of person they are in to attracting. Personally, I really do not like it when men dye their hair but some women do like it. And, really, I highlight my hair to hide the grey - well, now it is to hide the grey, until recently it was just because I liked how the highlights look.
Be warned, once you start dying your hair you have to keep it up and hide those roots, it only takes a few weeks for the roots to really show.
Ingrid at May 4, 2010 11:28 AM
NumberSix, you nailed it: a great, professional haircut is critical. So is acting like "this is who I am, take me or leave me". It was this attitude that landed Mr. Wonderful in my lap - so to speak. He is short, bald (can't even remember when he started losing his hair) and beautiful and he knows it. How sexy is that?
Now, LW, you go out there and be your best sexy, gray self. Get a good attitude and a great haircut, dammit - but NO MULLETS! (Egads, I do hate mullets. Thank God, Mr. Wonderful didn't have a mullet when I met him. Could you imagine, short, bald, with a MULLET?)
If you do decide to color, find a professional who can match you and make it look natural. At some point, though, you'll have to come clean...
Elise at May 4, 2010 5:55 PM
Actually, if you're darkish blond, and you dye your hair black, the haircut will go bad long before the roots become a problem.
But even before that, the eyebrows. You didn't forget to dye your eyebrows, did you? (I did, the first time. I certainly got some comments about that!)
Curt Sampson at May 4, 2010 7:50 PM
Just as a post script, my previous comments here were not aimed solely at men who dye their hair, but at all people who dye their hair. As Curt Sampson has said, dyed hair is a symptom, not a cause etc, and so i stand by my statement that if others judge someone on that bit of info only, then they certainly are shallow.
The socialization of the sexes is at play here. We appropriate certain behaviours to one sex, and if the other sex dares to do that behaviour, ie: colouring their hair, they are looked down upon. Most of you are too old to recall when bluejeans were not allowed in school, at least, the high school i attended. I recall an older sister of mine saying how she and her husband went house hunting (in the 70s) wearing bluejeans, and the realtor acted all snobby and condescending to them, didn't want to show them houses due to their jeans, making a gross assumption about their character just because of their jeans. Nowadays, jeans are an integral part of our society for both men and women and no one gets judged for wearing them.
I used this just an example of how our society has loosened up and how social mores can change, given time.
Back to the topic at hand, a good haircut is necessary for men and women, whether you dye your hair or not. Ratty looking hair doesn't look good on anyone. Some women can get away with really long hair when they are older; some can't. It's a matter of taste.
Regarding the spiced ginger haircolouring that NumberSix mentioned, well, that is a case of not knowing how your haircolouring products and your genetic makeup interact. A person who has any hint of red hair should stay away from haircolouring that says "golden" or overtly reddish colours, unless they actually want their hair to pick up the overtly red tones. I'm not a hairstylist; i just know this from experience.
But judging someone because they use a colouring product on their hair? It's shallow to judge the person's character for that. If it's a bad colour job then that person should be diplomatically advised, which is a different topic altogether.
Bluejean Baby at May 5, 2010 6:28 AM
Regarding the spiced ginger haircolouring that NumberSix mentioned, well, that is a case of not knowing how your haircolouring products and your genetic makeup interact.
That wasn't a case of not knowing, it was a case of I didn't read the box. If I had, I would have known it would turn my hair orange. I'm beginning to think that condescension is your resting state. My point was that, even with much experience dyeing your own hair, things will still happen that you don't want to happen. A friend of mine was touching up her hair with the same color that she uses all the time and it turned her hair green. Turns out that that was a bad box. So for someone unsure about what to do to his hair, I advise a stylist on the first attempt.
Nowadays, jeans are an integral part of our society for both men and women and no one gets judged for wearing them.
Not true. People are still looked down upon for wearing all sorts of things, including blue jeans. It's dependent on the location, the event, and the people there. You wouldn't wear blue jeans to a black-tie event and get huffy because someone assumed something about you, would you? Either you didn't care that you'd stand out in your casual wear, or you were deliberately making a statement about yourself. That happens all the time, to varying degrees.
On that point, since when is assuming and judging such a bad thing? We make judgments all the time. Shallow isn't always bad; it helps make our way in the world based on cues from people we don't actually know. We then subtly shift our judgments based on new information we receive. It's an ongoing process.
No one's looking across the room at you and thinking that you must have a nice set of morals on you. Our appearance is how we present ourselves to the world. We want to be judged in a certain way, so we do specific things to our outside. Yes, it's shallow to make judgments about someone based on the fact that he dyes his hair. Again, is that bad? You yourself, Bluejean Baby, made the point that good haircuts are necessary for men and women, so isn't that conforming to the judgments of others? It all depends on whose judgment you seek. Even people who claim they don't care what anyone thinks are making that deliberate statement I spoke of above. In doing so, they are courting the judgment of others by claiming they don't care. They want people to think of them a certain way. You can't escape judgment, Bluejean Baby. Anyone who says that they don't judge others is either oblivious or lying.
NumberSix at May 5, 2010 8:46 PM
I play for the other team (lesbonian), but I wanted to throw in how sexy gray/silver hair is on women. My partner has gorgeous silver hair at age 48, I would sob for weeks if she ever colored it.
I, on the other hand, have dishwater-blonde hair and am developing thick, "witchy" random white hairs on top. I fear I'll soon be more medusa than distinguished.
JerzeeGirl at May 13, 2010 6:41 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2010/04/men-of-haircolo.html#comment-1715748">comment from JerzeeGirlI agree, JerzeeGirl, and I love the word lesbonian!
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youtube learn to play piano at July 11, 2010 3:39 AM
Seriously? I'm 28, my hubby's 39, and he's graying. I think it's sexy. It shows his class that he DOESN'T dye it. I think gray hairs are earned honestly, and I love him all the more for them. Just saying!
Cowgirl at July 21, 2010 1:36 PM
I have to say that it looks ridiculous when I see men out there who are grey and they're walking along side their woman who colors their hair. Dude, you look like her dad! If you two are both sporting grey hair, that's fine - but you rarely see that. I say, if she colors, you color.
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