Thumber Romance
I was on a first date with this guy, and he kept texting right at the table. Amazingly, he asked me out again. Is this on-date texting becoming the norm?
--Ignored
There are times when your date can't help but break away to text or take a call, like if he's got the other half of the missile launch codes and Luxembourg just attacked Staten Island. If it could be the secretary of state or the babysitter about his kids setting the house on fire with My Little Meth Lab, he should apologize in advance that he might have to take a call. Otherwise, answering is the digital version of leaving your date alone at the table and bopping over to join friends across the restaurant. Texting? You might as well whip out a pen and legal pad: "You busy yourself with that pork chop, Sweetcheeks. Got a couple letters I gotta mail out first thing."
Many people think the fact that their pants are vibrating gives them a pass to put the person they're with on face-to-face "ignore." People with manners consider how their companion might feel sitting before a full restaurant audience pretending to examine a napkin for hidden messages. Cool as it is that you can message somebody in Moscow right from the table, groovy new technology needs to be paired with groovy old-fashioned social graces. If you're going to invite somebody to dinner and ignore them, at least have the decency to get married first and build up years of bitterness and resentment.
Comments
Ha! I ask for permission from a date to go out for a quick cigarette (or whether they mind me smoking at the table if we're outside, some people don't care, some do). It's just manners. Most people will be reasonable if it's limited, and I don't mind someone taking the occasional call or text while they're with me, maybe they have a good reason they don't want to share with me just yet.
But if it were constant I'd be rethinking how much they were really into it. I know that when I'm absorbed with the person in front of me, a text from a friend saying "hey dude, what are you up to?" is the last thing I feel compelled to answer.
Posted by: Ltw at July 20, 2010 10:02 PM
If you're going to invite somebody to dinner and ignore them, at least have the decency to get married first and build up years of bitterness and resentment.
Love that line :)
Posted by: Ltw at July 20, 2010 10:04 PM
Ltw you beat me to it. I laughed out loud at that one too.
Posted by: David M. at July 21, 2010 6:30 AM
Sooner or later, you will be treated as badly as you allow yourself to be. He has already expressed how he feels about you. How do you feel about him?
Posted by: MarkD at July 21, 2010 8:01 AM
Ah, dating in the twenty-first century.
I wonder if he at least was texting about his date.
She's hot, tell me what to say! I don't have anything to talk about! Help--she's looking at me funny. I'm getting chicken, she's getting fish. OMG I can't remember her name.
(I don't text, so pardon the misspellings and grammatical errors.)
Posted by: Pricklypear at July 21, 2010 8:05 AM
@LW: "Is this on-date texting becoming the norm?"
Only if you're on a date with an ill-mannered putz.
@Miss Alkon: "If it could be the secretary of state or the babysitter about his kids setting the house on fire with My Little Meth Lab, he should apologize in advance that he might have to take a call."
Is that what the kids have now, instead of Easy-Bake Ovens?
Posted by: old rpm daddy at July 21, 2010 10:38 AM
Even if it is "the norm" that doesn't make it not rude.
Posted by: lsomber at July 21, 2010 12:10 PM
This issue is not new - each technology just brings round the same questions. Back in the day there were serious questions about talking on the phone when you had guests over to dinner ... .
Once you know there's no the emergency (like the meths is too easy-backed) then the person in front of you is always more important than someone not present.
This holds and will continue to hold whatever the technology - full stop. Hold steady with that when some putz tries to make you think there's a new norm. This norm - the person in front of you takes precedence - will not change.
Posted by: AntoniaB at July 21, 2010 2:35 PM
On a similar point - don't you just hate it when sales assistants help someone on the phone, while you're standing in front of them, instead of putting the phone-caller on hold?
Posted by: AntoniaB at July 21, 2010 2:37 PM
I was on this date "...leaving your date alone at the table and bopping over to join friends across the restaurant".
I was on a first date and the guy kept getting up to schmooze with friends that walked past the restaurant. He was Greek and we were having dinner on the Danforth (in Toronto), so he knew a lot of people in the area. He got up no less than 10 times, and spent around 10 minutes every time with the new person. The first time he did it, I decided I wasn't going to go out with him again. He of course wanted to go out on another date and I told him I wasn't interested because he ignored me. He didn't understand why I was bothered by that, so obviously we didn't have the same values.
Posted by: Chrissy at July 21, 2010 2:44 PM
I always thought the rule of thumb regarding cell phones manners was to apply the manners we already have regarding old-fashioned phones.
"No phones at the dinner table" is not some brand new rule.
It was rude then; it is rude now.
Posted by: lsomber at July 21, 2010 3:51 PM
"If you're going to invite somebody to dinner and ignore them, at least have the decency to get married first and build up years of bitterness and resentment."
That line reminds me of something my Dad always said when people were bitchy to him:
"You can just save that attitude for your wife and kids."
It always earned an occaisional smile, but most people would just scowl at him when he said that-- probably bc they know how true it is.
Posted by: Gspotted at July 21, 2010 6:04 PM
I think they're illegal to sell in the US, but there are devices which block cell phone signals within a certain area...
but I'm not that far frim the Mexican border...might be worth a drive there to be able to cut the cord, so to speak. I know I have often wished I had one when at a classical concert or serious movie...
and can you imagine the looks on peoples faces when their cell phones stop working? Talk about priceless. If I do buy one I will use my mastercard...
Posted by: Lynda at July 22, 2010 2:04 AM
Well a cell phone blocker would be pretty funny, unless you're standing near an on-call ER doctor or a guy whose wife is in the ICU. Then it would be pretty horrible.
Posted by: Shannon at July 22, 2010 7:34 AM
Could have been worse. He could have taken you to a Never-sails River Boat Casino or a truck stop with video poker machines, and left you stuck staring at the video monitor with a roll of quarters in your hand. At least you got a meal.
Posted by: wfjag at July 22, 2010 8:09 AM
In agreement with Pricklypear - I would be willing to bet that dateboy (IS he 15? that would explain a lot) was texting with a buddy about the LW herself...'dude, she's hot, it's going well, etc...'
Little did he know he was blowing it the whole time. What ever happened to people talking about the date with their friends AFTER it's over?
And hey Pricklypear, you didn't have any misspellings or grammatical errors, which is of course the dead giveaway that you are not in fact someone who 'texts'. NOT a bad thing! :)
Posted by: lori m at July 22, 2010 8:10 AM
I think they're illegal to sell in the US, but there are devices which block cell phone signals within a certain area.
We have no right to block everybody's calls because one person or a few people might be rude. As I wrote in the column, there are people who legitimately need to be reached. If I get a cell phone call that I must answer, I go outside. And I never answer the phone if I'm out with Gregg or a friend.
Posted by: Amy Alkon 
at July 22, 2010 8:37 AM
Lynda, those cell phone jammers aren't illegal to sell, but they are illegal to use with a hard-to-get permit. I work in some defense installations that use them in restricted areas where cell phones aren't supposed to be taken in.
Amy, I completely agree with you that, by our standards, that behavior is rude. I would never do it to a date, and I'd probably walk out on a date that did it to me. However... I note that it seems to be nearly universal among young adults. I'll have to admit that I don't understand the compulsion to broadcast a running commentary on all the details of one's life, but it appears to be accepted behavior. Are we the fuddy-duddy parents who don't get the younger generation? I guess I'm just feeling old today.
Posted by: Cousin Dave at July 23, 2010 7:00 AM
"... without a hard-to-get permit"... sorry about that.
Posted by: Cousin Dave at July 23, 2010 7:01 AM
Tell the guy, "If you drop that cell phone, I will fuck your brains out."
Now, you're talking.
Posted by: Alta Amoro at July 23, 2010 10:51 AM
reminds me of once I was in Ft Lauderdale for a wkend with a potential BF - we had already been casual friends for awhile. He kept getting up from the table and talking outside on his cel - a fancy restaurant, embarrassing...finally I figured out it was not one of his legal clients, he was talking w his bookie, there was some action he was betting on. I went home to NYC.
Posted by: zapf at July 26, 2010 2:17 PM
A Faraday Cage will block cellphone use inside them, can be built into the walls, and is not illegal, though if I had reason to use one I would put up a notice: "This site is a Dead Cell area - no one gets a signal here".
Posted by: WayneB at July 28, 2010 11:48 AM
Lack of manners = lack of basic consideration and respect for you. Unless you like being a doormat, I wouldn't go near him again.
Posted by: Lobster at July 29, 2010 8:04 AM
