Wow Amy, I think you've become a stalker magnet.

The girl thanked him because it was the polite thing to do. I'm sure she was sitting there freaking out about it, though. She's done all she's going to do, and now she's just hoping crazy dude will find another target.

Creepy.

This guy is really intense. He needs to focus all of this intensity on his company. Lots of women in their early 20's are more focused on finishing their education & playing the field. They are still figuring out what they want out of life, what type of career they want & finding out who they are as a person. Having such a person as the LW(a serious intense guy who knows what he wants) contacting them right after a break up is too much. She needs time to heal, to figure out how she feels about it all. The LW should relax some & wait till he can actually date the woman & be in the same town before going after her. Or she'll likely decide he's freaking her out & put him in the "Never in a million years!" catagory.

I just learned on Facebook that she and her boyfriend broke up, so I sent her flowers.

In what universe does this follow? I'm betting it's the one with nothing but shrimp.

And may I ask exactly when she became your "dream girl"? Was it when you knew she had a boyfriend or when she broke up with him but you had no feasible means of seeing her in person? You know, in which state of unattainability was she when you decided you couldn't live without her?.

Here's my favorite part of this guy's delusion:

"I recently moved far away to start my own company, but I plan to move back in about six months, once it's up and running."

News flash: The "I'll have people for that" kind of work ethic is reserved for venture capitalists and the independently wealthy, not those on a 'shoestring budget.'

Keep dreaming, Warren Buffet.

I have nothing to add, perfect advice. I wish I'd been told it in my 20s, I never did this but I did similarly stupid things to try to change the mind of people who weren't interested...sigh.

Once you've slept with a girl, sure, send her a bouquet or, if she was particularly awesome in bed, maybe even a fruit basket.

I'm interested in this though, is there some sort social convention for type of present vs quality of sex :)
Perhaps standard mixed arrangement for average sex, long stemmed roses for a blowjob, lilies for lying there like a sack? And just how good does it have to be for the fruit basket?

Yep,
Been there, done that. Glad I'm older and wiser now.

He's another fantasist, a bit like Mr. Restaurant Man a couple of columns back.

One idea is for LW to harness the energy he's putting into this fantasy and to redirect toward his fledgling company. All that energy and creative imagining just might net this guy a huge profit in the end: a booming company with him at the center as it's charismatic and imaginative entrepreneur.

That'll make the women interested! And,after all is said and done, he'll have Ms. Poker to thank for being his inspiration and his muse.

I would not put this guy in the same category as "restaurant guy" from a few columns back. He's a bit more like typical doofas -- like someone who thinks that women like teddy bears as gifts.

My advice to him would be to simply keep in touch casually while not doing overtly weird things like sending flowers. She put the flowers on facebook because she wanted her friends to know that somebody was sending her flowers. I'll bet her post didn't mention who it was that sent the flowers.

Oh, and by the way, you can't launch a company and expect that it will be on auto pilot after six months.

Value your youth my friend. Stop wasting it with ill-informed dreams. Better to embrace dreams that are well grounded. This way you can truly enjoy your youth.

I used to work at a florist. There was one poor guy who kept coming in to buy flowers for girls he worked with, on whom he would serially develop hopeless crushes. I say hopeless 'cause most seemed to have boyfriends, and the young fellow buying the flowers-- how to put this delicately?-- well, the deck was decidedly stacked against him in the looks department. But, he was taking steps to improve, like getting braces, for instance.

Because I saw hope for the kid, time and time again I advised him to save his money. Though his job was pretty menial, he seemed to be amazing about budgeting and had a lot of disposable income! So much potential. But, he habitually insisted on throwing much of it down the black hole of Crazy Gifts For Uninterested Parties.

I do believe in "leagues" to a certain degree-- if the attractiveness differential is too great, and if other personal qualities are insufficiently outstanding, the best course of action is to quit mooning and aim lower.

Isn't it rather weird that she took a photo of the flowers and thanked him publicly on Facebook? What did she say, "Look at what this stalker sent me?"

She was probably trying to make the ex jealous by showing another guy sent her flowers, but I can see how this would confuse LW.

I hope the letterwriter brings more sagacity to business than he does his love life.

But then, as others point out, his notion that he--a twenty-something (?)--will in six months have a profitable company not only up and running, but successful enough to allow him freedom of movement and free time suggests that his youth in shows in both social spheres and his professional life.

I would suggest finding a job for a few years (yes, actually work for someone else to learn things about business! Imagine that.) to better understand the businessworld. And during that time, date a few people who you are mildly interested in, but not raving mad about. You may find, after a few years, your sense of things now regarding both business and women are, right now, a...bit...off.

Ah, the entitlement generation. Socially clueless and deluded about how much work running a business is all at the same time.

Facebook, haven for social retards.

"The entitlement generation" encompasses every generation. My Boomer FIL talks about how his mother, "Greatest Generation" thinks she should be entitled to everything just because she lived to be really old.

So, flowers showing up at the office are now going to be categorized as sexual harassment.

I hope that flowers for Admin Appreciation Day don't cause anyone to think ..., because I didn't.

Does this remind anyone of the guy who gave some girl he worked with frog ear-rings and thought that, that meant she should be his forever? What is all of this "dream" girl/guy crap over people that you don't even know? Is this a new thing? Is this result of too much Facebook and texting?

I don't know, lovelysoul, I took the Facebook posting as her way of saying "Well, technically, I've thanked him, but I was able to avoid any direct contact." It could be a case of make-the-ex-jealous or bragging to the friends, but without any further info from her, I take it with the unanswered emails as her way of avoiding one-on-one time with him, which would give him undue hope of a relationship.

You could be right, NumberSix. I've just rarely seen that done among my friends - "oh, look at the flowers this nobody sent me!" Usually, if a woman posts photos of flowers or gifts on FB, it's from their boyfriend or husband...and even then, it seems kind of boastful. I think if someone meant nothing to me, I'd thank him privately for the flowers rather than broadcast it to all my friends. Kinda weird. A short "thanks for the flowers" e-mail would be sufficient and not necessarily encouraging. I can see where LW took her posting as more meaningful than it probably was. She told her friends, family, (and probably ex) that she received flowers from a guy, but then doesn't even thank him personally?

I think this is your best title yet - and they're all of such a high standard, it's hard to choose. This will go down as my fav double entendre.

I love your columns (started reading them in Stars and Stripes when I was in Afghanistan). But I have a question, what's an LW?

Call her up. Say, "I Hope you liked the flowers, because I always like you."

Maybe she is looking for a rebound getaway to get over getting dumped. Send her tix on the local Greyhound bus.

If she says no, try the local bar, bowling alley, book club, gym, etc., and don't get hung up on any one girl. They all have holes, three of 'em, and there ain't too much diff from one to the other (girl, that is).

Good luck.

LW: "Loser Writer"

@lovelysoul, I think you're right. That's the answer that popped into my head when I thought, "Now, why would she post that on FB?"

My BF pursued me from 600 miles away almost immediately after me and by long-time BF broke up with what some might regard as overly grand gestures. So I guess it all depends on whether she's interested in him. If she is, it's romantic. If she isn't, it's stalking, I guess.

...that said, even then, I didn't get flowers until AFTER we'd at least been talking on the phone regularly.

He doesn't sound like a crazy stalker. He sounds young and inexperienced and naive.

Dude, concentrate on your business and date women where you are. I'm sure there are plenty of nice ones.

Yeah, I guess that's the question. Are there any real women who respond to the grand, long-distance gesture, or does it only happen in movies? I think all of us want to be pursued, but have any of you ever given a second thought to a guy you previously dismissed just because he was persistent?

I haven't, but maybe some have. Guys need to know whether this ever works or never works.

lovelysoul, like you, I can't think that I would change my mind based on persistence. I've been in the situation where the guys (it's happened twice) liked me but I just wanted to be friends/acquaintances, and it would not have made me look more favorably upon them had they made some grand gesture. Of course, the women on this site seem not to be the type that need essentially meaningless romantic gestures. Amy's iPod story is sweet (and meaningful), where I would not get all gooey inside because I received flowers. Especially not from a guy who sent them because I broke up with my boyfriend. I can't get over that sentence in the letter.

"I just learned on Facebook that she and her boyfriend broke up, so I sent her flowers."

It's not so much the guy who's creepy here - he's just a bit desperate. What's really creepy is the idea of displaying your whole personal life on Facebook, where far too many people can see it.

Anything put online anywhere - assume it will be online forever, and seen by whomever you least want to see it.

I disagree that there are no times when you can send someone you're not dating flowers. For example, if your friend is in a play you can get her flowers for afterwards... I wouldn't make it roses or other especially romantic flowers, but a nice little mixed bouquet is nice after a show. Or on a birthday, or if she's the hostess of a dinner party, flowers are always appropriate in that case.

Having said that, these sound like romantic flowers and are not appropriate. Gifts after a break-up are kind of odd. Posting about it on facebook... very strange.

Her posting about the flowers I see as one of two things, on she actually is crazy about thsi guy, (doesn't hold with her not e-mailing him again)
But more likely she was using that as an attack on her ex. " Ha I'm so over you, otherguys are sending me flowers"

@Tony

"I'm on a shoestring budget, so what can I do from 1,000 miles away that would rub her the right way?"

Just chat to her now and again, phone her now and again, if it is meant to be then you'll grow closer through chatting. If you find you don't have much to say, it wasn't meant to be. There is no magic button that captures her heart.

Don't get your hopes too high, and don't pin all your hopes and dreams on this one poor girl. See/date other girls (closer by), and just relax and remember to have fun. Dating a few women will help keep you un-desperate, and you'll learn more about what works and what doesn't ... allow yourself to make mistakes (e.g. sending flowers in the way you did), and learn from your mistakes. Hey, some guys just aren't taught what to do and what not to do and learning comes a bit less naturally to some than others. If a girl doesn't work out, move on to the next, don't take it personally. There is no "the one". As a colleague of mine used to say, 'women are like busses, there's another one along every 10 minutes'.

And as someone who has started a business, I can warn you may anyway go through a rough few years where balancing work and a relationship are extremely difficult. Fledgling businesses take years of very hard work to get anywhere ("six months, once it's up and running" --- wtf!? After 6 years I still often feel like I'm still trying to "really" get my business "started".) And I lost a relationship or two in the process of starting mine. Luckily I recently found a wonderful woman. Running a business is highly and constantly demanding, think special needs child, and stressful.

Live and learn, live and learn.

comment to lovelysoul's question re: persistence - yes, i have given in twice to persistence. once was on my own (gee, he seems so persistent... maybe he really does care, maybe i ought to give him a chance) the second time was because of a friend's urging (gee, he seems so persistent.. maybe he really does care, maybe you ought to give him a chance) BIG mistake both times. guys like this take the fact that a woman breathes as encouragement (ah, she only breathes for me! she exists for me!)... it's difficult enough to get rid of a guy like that when you ignore them - if you actually give in once (even just for a cup of coffee, as i did) it practically takes a restraining order and/or a drive-by shooting to discourage them.

Watch "Valentine's Day"... a great movie with a romantic floral smack to it.

I laughed heartily at Ltw's sex&floral ideas.

NumberSix's comment is right on: what universe is LW living in to send flowers at someone's breakup? Creepy is right.

On another note, thanking a person who could be a stalker is kinda like giving them the go-ahead for more stalking. But how is she to know? If she has a smidgen of a hint that he is, in fact, a stalker, then that is probably why she thanked him publicly. Thanking a stalker through any private means only adds grist to the mill. My take on it is that she is being careful, and rightly so.

And, lastly, LW, if she hasn't contacted you since her FB thankyou, then forget her. She is being cordial, and if she wanted more to do with you, you would already know it.

Thanks Bluejean Baby, I'll be here all week...

Or on a birthday, or if she's the hostess of a dinner party, flowers are always appropriate in that case.

NicoleK, I agree - a female friend of mine that I saw last night for dinner for my birthday gave me flowers (white roses), and I thought that was lovely. She knows me well enough to know I'm not the sort of guy who is embarrassed by that, and also that I have a house that needs brightening up :)