Boy Meats Girl
In the wake of the penis photo tweet that started "Weinergate," I'm wondering whether women are actually turned on when they get a photo of some dude's package.
--Curious Guy Who's Never Done Such A Thing
Note that there's a restaurant called Hooters but none called Testicles. While men get aroused by visuals alone, women typically need touch and emotion. Dr. Meredith Chivers' sexual arousal studies show that women do get turned on by video of strangers having sex (including, weirdly, strangers who are bonobo chimps), but strange men's disembodied bits really don't do it for most. (What, you were expecting "Wow, you stuck a cameraphone in your crotch just for me?")
Once a woman's involved with a guy, she might be into the occasional peen-mail. But, emailing a woman you don't know a shot of your naked trousersaurus is like hitting on her at a party by unzipping your fly and letting it all hang out: "Will ya look at this! Impressive, huh?" At least on the Internet, you won't hear her run away screaming, "Eeeuw! Gross! Creepy!" (or howling with laughter as she hits "forward"). Sure, emailing your meat takes less effort than buying a trench coat and heading down to the corner, but it's about as bad an idea. Generally speaking, the only package a woman wants coming to her from some stranger via the Internet is one from Sephora or Zappos.com. (Think new shoes, not new schnitzel.)
The penis is, well, not the most visually attractive part of a man's body. Heck, its not even in the top ten. I'm all over what you can do with it. I just don't want it staring at me from my cell phone like one of those sand worms in Dune. And frankly e-mailing body parts just says "not very bright 15-year-old boy" to me.
catspyjamas at July 5, 2011 5:04 PM
I think part of it is the fact that it's the genitals. If some women were flirting with a guy and sent a close up of her vagina, I'm not sure that would be very effective. On the other hand, a photo of her breasts would be a different matter.
Snoopy at July 5, 2011 6:07 PM
Amy, your response was right on and Hilarious!!!
thank you for the much needed laugh
"...I just don't want it staring at me from my cell phone like one of those sand worms in Dune."
too funny!
Melody at July 5, 2011 8:35 PM
"The penis is, well, not the most visually attractive part of a man's body."
It's right up there if you're gay.
Ummm at July 6, 2011 3:36 AM
Please don't tell me that peen-mail has become an accepted term in popular culture! On the other hand, it is a pretty descriptive shorthand. I can't imagine a willygram being effective as anything but a joke, and then only between people who know each other really, really well.
Old RPM Daddy at July 6, 2011 4:58 AM
"peen-mail"!! Heeheehee! I'm giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl over here!!
Ahem. Enough of that. I have to tell you, though, LW, Amy's right. I was at the Wetlands (in NYC) one night, hanging with a friend's band (they opened for New Riders of the Purple Sage. Excellent show! Anyway...), and there were a couple of guys at the bar, my friends and I were checking them out, and I said to one guy "Nice tat" (I forget what it was now) and he said "tit for tat?". Well, my girlfriends and I cracked up, and his buddy whipped out his unit, and we all cracked up again, and I said "heh. we've seen bigger" and we moved to the other side of of the bar. After which, these guys started trying to get our attention by covertly (to them) chucking ice cubes at us! But I have to tell you, not a one of us was turned on by that guy taking out his package. It made for some good comic relief, though!
Flynne at July 6, 2011 5:11 AM
Well, there are "size queens" (both gay and straight) and, for them, it is stimulating to see a large penis. There are websites devoted to this.
So, one thought is that a penis, in general, doesn't show status to women. A successful man may have a very small one, so there's no correlation.
With boobs, however, it's somewhat different. A guy may view it as an elevation in his status to be with a woman with larger boobs - and this is evident to everyone - so boobs have evolved to something of an attraction.
It's all just flesh, so why is some flesh more attractive than others? I'd say status is an important part. Height, for instance, does correlate with greater success, so women want taller men. If a similar association with package size were shown, women would be more into it.
lovelysoul at July 6, 2011 6:06 AM
I'm all over what you can do with it. I just don't want it staring at me from my cell phone like one of those sand worms in Dune
Now I've got an immage of the next time I get a blow job and if I can get the girl to say "Shai Hulud" and wear neon blue contacts
lujlp at July 6, 2011 7:41 AM
Only you, loojy, only you...lol!!
Flynne at July 6, 2011 8:01 AM
I actually happen to find the penis (well, the erect, nicely sized penis) to be pretty damn gorgeous. But, as Amy says, *when it's attached to someone I'm already dating.* It's not like I have enough naughty-bits shots on my phone to do a PowerPoint presentation or anything, but I've been sent a couple over the years, kind of as a silly joke, but I did find them hot. And I like admiring my current boy naked (granted he has a *lot* to admire.) But some random dude? Yeah, that's an eeewwwww. If I haven't seen it in real life (and liked it), I don't want it on my phone next to my LOLcats and images of that tasty sandwich I had for lunch yesterday.
Anathema at July 6, 2011 8:13 AM
Oh, and fwiw, I dated a guy who really, really loved my ass (bless his heart). I used to send him pics of my hindquarters in cute panties on a fairly regular basis. Then he sent me a pic of his parts, which I thought was sexy. So I decided to one-up him and send him one of mine. I actually put some effort into styling the shot (I work in an industry that does a lot of photo shoots, know something about lighting, props, presentation), thought I came up with something kind of artistic and not too Hustler magazine. He relied . . . "Um, thanks. Say, did you take a pic of your panties today?"
Anathema at July 6, 2011 8:17 AM
Maybe it didnt turn out a well as you hoped?
lujlp at July 6, 2011 8:59 AM
An ex of mine used to really love it when I sent him boob shots. Got to the point where I was bored as hell taking them. Not sure I would appreciate peen shots as much. Of course, I'm a little dense. It took me forever to realize what Weiner's bulge shot was supposed to be.
On another note, I am now more careful about such things. My husband had a full naked pic of me on his phone that I strongly suggested he delete or move to his hard drive. He has lots of pics on his phone of other things, and he accidentally showed the nudie shot to my best friend. She was gracious enough to pretend she hadn't seen it.
MonicaP at July 6, 2011 9:00 AM
>I actually happen to find the penis (well, the erect, nicely sized penis) to be pretty damn gorgeous
Reminds me of when I bought a Playgirl when they first came out. I was disappointed. By law, erect penises (peni?)weren't allowed, so what was the point? (so to speak)
Yep, nothing trips my trigger like a picture of a naked man posing on a sailboat, with his windswept hair and his windswept package...
Pricklypear at July 6, 2011 9:03 AM
"...and he accidentally showed the nudie shot to my best friend."
This is exactly the reason I don't ever send pictures to my husband.
ahw at July 6, 2011 9:13 AM
I got a trenchcoat one day, and dropped some viagara, and stuck it out for miles as I walked down Melrose Avenue.
I still didn't get laid.
Women are not like men.
BOTU at July 6, 2011 9:40 AM
Women are not like men.
And especially not like you, BOTU. Thank the gods.
Flynne at July 6, 2011 9:51 AM
Wasn't that in a Sienfeld episode?
ahw at July 6, 2011 10:07 AM
@ lovelysoul... with quite a few women, it's not all just flesh... it's silicone too.
Bluejean Baby at July 6, 2011 7:46 PM
I think it's just a matter of opinion, i don't know, but to me, an erect penis is extremely erotic, but -no- i wouldn't want email pics sent to me. It has to be attached to the guy i'm bonzo over.
As for the guys in the bar flashing their junk, that is just infantile, and can get them tossed out, or worse, arrested.
Bluejean Baby at July 6, 2011 7:51 PM
I'm with Bluejean Baby: context matters.
NumberSix at July 6, 2011 8:16 PM
Last winter I met a man at a party of friends and when he left he made a point of coming up to me and letting me know that small hands do not mean small penis. ??????????????????????? We had not been talking about body parts or anything sexual.
I am not sure why he felt the need to tell me that but if he thought that would be a successful come on he was wrong. When he called me on the phone - a friend gave him my number, I turned him down, he just did not pass my ewww ick test.
This was no young guy this was a guy in his 50's.
Some guys are just sure all women are just panting to see their junk! I can say only if the junk in question is attached to someone we are emotionally involved with. We just do not have the same urge to see your junk as you are to see our tits. Not only is there not a restaurant chain named testicles, compare the number of magazines that feature nude women to those that feature nude men.
Worthit at July 6, 2011 11:02 PM
women do get turned on by video of strangers having sex, but strange men's disembodied bits really don't do it for most.
I agree with this and think this one of those general differences between men and women. Men tend to like photos of women's body parts; women aren't that keen on it when it comes to men.* I'd never think of sending a shot of my former New York Congressman to a woman I was just getting to know.
* Not just body parts either. When it comes to bathing suits on women, men consider the more revealing the better. Not so for most women with men.
Jim at July 7, 2011 12:05 AM
I think there's a big difference in that women don't really like preening and showing off. WE are expected to do that - display our assets to attract a mate - but, with guys, it's a bad signal as far as lifetime commitment. If a guy is preening like a peacock - showing off his cock too early - that doesn't speak well to his ability to keep it in his pants and be monogamous long-term.
So, I don't think it's really that women aren't visually stimulated by body parts. I, like several women here, find the cock very sexy to look at. It's just a matter of timing.
For instance, most women are turned off by those online dating profiles where the guy is shirtless and showing off his muscles. Does that mean we don't find a toned chest and muscles attractive? No, of course not. But the message it sends is that this guy is too proud of himself and conceited about his body, and if this is the case, he's not likely to be a good bet for monogamy because he won't be able to resist showing his assets off to other women.
lovelysoul at July 7, 2011 6:53 AM
Personally I'd rather see a guy with his shirt off instead of his pants...in a pic. I think abs do more than a naughty shot would!
CC at July 7, 2011 7:59 AM
A shirtless man in a short kilt would do it for me!
Flynne at July 7, 2011 11:18 AM
Flynne, I'm married to a Bagpiper, a man in a kilt does it for me *every* day. :D
Kat at July 10, 2011 6:42 PM
A female friend of mine is turned on by penis shots from men she's flirting with online, usually ones she's never met. She's more guy-like than most women though. She belongs to the size queen category too, I suppose it's more common there.
It's rare - even on the adult/swingers oriented dating sites, you'll see heaps of profiles with "NO DICK SHOTS"!
One visual cue that does seem to affect a lot of women is asses - discreetly covered in pants of some kind usually (to cover the hair, spots, etc). But that quite often has more to do with thickness of wallet than anything about the body...
Ltw at July 11, 2011 1:45 AM
I've always wondered Kat, what is worn under a Scotsman's kilt?
Ltw at July 11, 2011 1:47 AM
She's more guy-like than most women though
I'm going to hastily add - in case she ever reads this - I mean in her response to visual stimuli! Not in her looks or lady-like class :) Oops.
Ltw at July 11, 2011 1:49 AM
Nothing is worn under the kilt, Ltw; everything is in good working order. :)
Julie at July 11, 2011 3:19 AM
Oh, and Pricklypear: I'm totally adding "windswept package" to my lexicon.
NumberSix at July 11, 2011 9:44 PM
If a dick shot doesn't work, is it okay to send a pic of my anus?
BOTU at July 12, 2011 3:43 PM
Depends on how stretched out it is BOTU.
And thanks for providing the punchline Julie :)
Ltw at July 13, 2011 1:11 AM
"Note that there's a restaurant called Hooters but none called Testicles."
I'd think that WoodPeckers might be a more equivalent title for such a place.
Elle at July 15, 2011 12:43 AM
A penis shot from a stranger is only acceptable if he's dressed it up with a little pirate hat and drawn-on eyepatch.
From a boyfriend though, it can be kind of hot - but that has much more to do with the connotation of 'I am hot (for you) right now' than with the visual in itself.
Anne de Vries at July 22, 2011 3:29 AM
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