Did this myself recently. It was awful, but worth it to get the soul-leech out of my life.

Friend of mine just did this, but told the other person exactly why: "you're an energy vampire, and I just don't have the energy to spare anymore!"

At first the woman thought my friend was kidding. But when she saw that wasn't the case, she went batshit crazy and started yelling and carrying on.
Friend just said "see what I mean?", turned around and walked away. Harsh, but I have a feeling my friend will still be putting up with her had she not done this. No, I know she would be.

I agree with the straight forward method. Best to give people honest feedback so they can do some self evaluating and learn how NOT to be in this world. If you were firing someone from a job you wouldn't be vague about your reasons.

The flaw in your thinking is that she is a "close friend."

You can talk to a close friend and tell them what is going on.

She is not a "close friend", you are an energy donor.

Let's not beat up the energy vampires too much! Sometimes people just aren't compatible. I broke a friendship with a woman who was draining to me and someone I know picked her up. I waited to see how that worked since I knew how draining my ex-friend was. . . well, she wasn't draining at all to the new person! They get on great and actually energize each other. As Amy said, dynamics are key - sometimes two people (couple or friend) just aren't good for each other. She may have been an energy vampire but I was her enabler.

"You deplete me". I love that! You give great title, Amy. "Maiden Japan" is still one of my favorites.

Spending two hours drinking with a depressed lamprey sounds like a scene from an old film noir detective story.

I like Amy's advice. If pressed, I'd say I was seeing a counselor who insists I cleanse myself of all negative energy in my life, and sadly, some of that negative energy was coming from her.

No, seriously, I had to tell my best friend something close to that, when it got to the point where I only heard from her when she was depressed about something, and the calls could go on for an hour or more.

Because David H is right, with a close friend you can tell the truth.

Did this to a friend of 13 years recently, who only of late revealed his substance abuse problem.

And I recently got dumped in passive aggressive style, by a friend who unfriended me on Facebook, because I saw a picture in his photos of him posing next to a monkey at the zoo, and I cracked, "Great picture of you, Bob. But who stuck you in the cage? And who's the guy in the white T-shirt next to you."

Although as the witty and wonderful RPM Daddy pointed out, posting a picture of yourself next to a monkey is basically saying, "Dudes please tease me now."

Just as well. Who really needs friends who are that thin-skinned?

Er, is there a halfway point between meeting for coffee every morning and cutting them off cold turkey? Sounds a bit extreme.

How about fading out? Start by, you know, not having coffee every morning. Would you like/tolerate this person better if you only saw her once a month or so?

A big break-up could be problematic if you have mutual friends. Social situations are bad enough when you have to start taking ex lovers into your invite plans, but when your friends stop speaking to each other? Freakin' nightmarish.

Sounds like the LW is a bit of a drama queen. I don't know anyone who isn't my husband or kid who I need to see AND email EVERY day. To go from that to nothing? Bizarre.

When you're lovers, you HAVE to end it cold turkey, because e in most of society you're only allowed one at a time. With friends, you can have as many as you like, of varying degrees of intensity.

Just cut back, turn this person from a best friend to just a friend to an acquaintance. No need for fireworks.

I'm with you, NicoleK. There are some friends/acquaintances I can only take so much of, so even when they extend an offer to hang out frequently, I only accept sometimes.

I think for the LW to cut back how often they meet (hey, life is really busy right now so I'm not going to be able to meet you every day. I'll let you know when things slow down a bit!) seems easier than dropping a bomb on someone to tell them you don't want to be friends with them anymore because they are draining. Seems a bit dramatic.

Agree with NicoleK and Becks as well. Dumping a friend might make sense if you're certain you can avoid this person in the future--which might be true in some cases. But if you have mutual friends, relatives, co-workers, or otherwise might easily run into each other, this approach has the potential to become awkward. Especially if the dumpee takes it badly and raises a fuss, badmouths you, creates a scene at parties etc. And just because someone isn't in your social circle now doesn't mean they won't be in the future--it's a small world.

In this case, one consistent explanation for cutting back on the daily meetings might be the best approach: you've started going to the gym, coming into work an hour earlier, dropping the kids off at school etc. Just make sure it's reasonable enough so that your friend can save face but won't have grounds to talk you out of it.

The friend may be depressed. But sometimes when I'm around people and feel depleted, I find out later that they are depressed. I'm not sure what would be best to do with that information.

We meet for coffee each morning and email daily, but I've finally admitted to myself that I don't enjoy her company.

This strikes me as very odd. How do you email someone every day and, especially, meet them for coffee every morning when you don't enjoy their company?

I agree that she doesn't need to drop a big bomb, unless she really wants to end the friendship completely. Just be less available. I don't have that much contact with anyone except my husband.

I can't say that I agree, Nicole. If they were just "friends," I would see your point, but they're not just friends. They're "friends with benefits." How do you "cut back" when you have a casual sexual relationship. It doesn't seem to solve the problem if they curtail the sex. They're having sex together, or they're not.

The sexual aspect complicates this, especially since she's the one with unrealistic expectations.

Where are you getting the sex from, Patrick? I didn't see that.

Point out that she has no man in her life.

Women who have a healthy relationship with a man simply never descend into energy parasitudeness.

Tell her to get professional help with her submission issues and to then find a man and spend her time pleasing him.

"How do you email someone every day and, especially, meet them for coffee every morning when you don't enjoy their company?"
It's a gal thing. It's a cheek-bump, air-kiss thing. It's a passive-aggressive, I-hate-confrontations thing. Sometimes you don't know where you stand until the claws come out. Then you know.