Shrieking Beauty
Our neighborhood bar started having karaoke night on weekends, and my wife always wants to go and sing. I love her, and she's a great person, but she's an absolutely terrible singer, and I'm embarrassed for her (and a little for myself) every time she gets up there and belts one out. Does love mean being honest with your wife about her singing voice?
--Broken Eardrums
Your wife is one of the few karaoke singers who manages to surprise the audience -- making people turn around to see whether someone's singing "Blackbird" or being pecked to death by one. This actually isn't a bad thing. "Karaoke" is Japanese for "y'all better be drunk, because I'm trying my luck at Donna Summer." Great karaoke isn't about doing it right; it's about doing it proud. So you show your love for your wife by whooping up the audience -- clapping and cheering as she misses all the high notes (singing from the heart but with the vocal stylings of a diseased spleen). While you're at it, consider yourself lucky. People with a healthy sense of confidence make the best relationship partners -- if somewhat costlier ones, like when you need to get your house professionally soundproofed so the neighbors will stop reporting you for animal cruelty. Interestingly, the satanic rituals involving a flock of chickens and a nail gun always seem to take place when your wife is in the shower.
Seriously, dude? Embarrassed? There aren't ten other singers up there on any given night as bad or worse than your wife? Doesn't sound like any karaoke joint I've ever been to.
Rex Little at December 3, 2014 12:58 AM
"....vocal stylings of a diseased spleen." Thank you for starting my day out with a laugh!
Viewer from afar at December 3, 2014 4:52 AM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2014/12/shrieking-beaut.html#comment-5597082">comment from Viewer from afarThank you, Viewer!
Amy Alkon at December 3, 2014 5:34 AM
Karaoke is about letting rank amateurs perform. If they were professional quality singers, they'd be putting out albums.
It's harmless fun. Your wife might not be as in the dark about her vocal skills as you seem to think she is. But, like most karaoke performers, she simply doesn't care.
If this is the biggest problem your relationship has, consider yourself lucky.
Patrick at December 3, 2014 6:54 AM
And even if she truly believes she's the next Tina Turner, as long as she's confining her singing to the karaoke bars, there's no reason for you to say a thing to her.
However, if she's being conned by some sleazeball into forking over a few thousand because she thinks there's a record deal in the making, then, yes, step up and tell her the honest truth. But until then, zip it.
Patrick at December 3, 2014 6:57 AM
There aren't ten other singers up there on any given night as bad or worse than your wife?
My boyfriend and I went to a karaoke bar on a trip to Nashville and put our names on the list. There were about 15 people ahead of us at that point, and every, single one of them was a professional. Obviously country-music-industry wannabes hoping to be discovered and killing time before their next gig at the bar down the street. Even the bartender sang a song and sounded like Reba freakin' McEntire.
Finally, a drunk dude stumbled up and screamed out a tone-deaf "La Bamba" and got the biggest applause of the night.
sofar at December 3, 2014 7:35 AM
Karaoke is about having fun, not singing well. Actually, the worse the singer, the more fun it can be. I'm with Patrick -- unless she's giving up her day job and forking up cash to make an album, zip it. You should find this endearing, not mortifying, LW.
Gail at December 3, 2014 7:50 AM
It's karaoke, dude. Nobody, neither the performers nor the audience, is going to remember it tomorrow. Let it go.
(But yes, if she does start having aspirations of getting into the music business, make her watch the movie "Nashville" first.)
Cousin Dave at December 4, 2014 11:12 AM
We went to a karaoke bar in Chicago where we enjoyed the worst singers ever. It was a small bar and everyone sang. They even got me up there. I was not even allowed to sing in church! On the other hand, my husband is a wonderful singer but we both had a blast.
I've been places with great singers but I'll always remember those songs with little talent and lots of enthusiasm fondly.
Jen at December 4, 2014 9:05 PM
We went to a karaoke bar in Chicago where we enjoyed the worst singers ever. It was a small bar and everyone sang. They even got me up there. I was not even allowed to sing in church! On the other hand, my husband is a wonderful singer but we both had a blast.
I've been places with great singers but I'll always remember those songs with little talent and lots of enthusiasm fondly.
Jen at December 4, 2014 9:06 PM
The first time I ever went to karaoke was on a vacation in Hawaii. A couple of the singers were obviously professionals, also on vacation; a month later I saw one of them perform in a Vegas lounge. But there was also a guy, drunk out of his mind, who bellowed out an Elvis song. Every syllable was a primal scream pitched at random; no note had any relation to the previous note or to the tune of the song. That was in 1991, and it remains the worst I've ever heard to this day.
Rex Little at December 4, 2014 9:23 PM
The whole point of karaoke, to me, is just the wild fun of unrbidled expression. I'll never forget one night, drinking with the then-bf and his sister and her fiance. Me and ex-SIL had been up there three or four times and a few other people had too. The two highlights of the night, however, were a such:
-The skinniest blond woman I had ever scene (I mean this chick was THIN) staggered to the stage and did Rebel Yell by Billy Idol. The hilarity ensued when, during the chorus, she tried to put on a "manly" voice and starts howling and growling like a demon. It was astounding. We cheered her for an encore and she left that stage smiling like she had won a grammy.
-The man who won the night, however, was another shocker. He was a guy in a geek squad t-shirt, red haired with a white boy fro and coke bottle glasses. He had sat in the corner all night looking scared so me and some of the other girls singing and drinking started smiling and waving at him as we went up. I sent him a drink. Right around midnight, he suddenly stands up and heads for the stage. As he takes the microphone, he looks TERRIFIED. His song was Juke Box Hero and he kind of stuttered through the first verse. All the girls got up to clap and cheer him on. Right at the chorus, he suddenly BURSTS OUT singing with all the volume and conviction he had in him. He belted that song so loud that people in the bar next door were cheering him. When he got done, we gave him a 2 minute ovation. He was our unofficial "champion" that night!
bellflower at December 5, 2014 2:31 PM
Personally, I thought the pecked to death by blackbirds comment was gold.
Honestly, LW, you take yourself way too seriously. Lighten up.
wtf at December 6, 2014 8:53 PM
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