Merchant Of Vroom
Four or five months ago, I had an amazing dinner date with this guy. I ended up sleeping with him afterward, and he disappeared. Out of the blue, he contacted me, wanting to take me to dinner. How do I know he won't pull the same jerko Houdini move?
--Suspicious
When you're on a first date and you'd like there to be a second date, it's okay to leave a little lipstick on the rim of the glass. Your face should not end up smeared across the guy's pillow.
Sure, there are couples who had sex on (or even before) the first date and have spent the next 67.3 years living happily ever after. But if you're a woman wanting a relationship, be mindful that sex on the first date is a risky strategy. As researcher Anne Campbell dryly put it, "Women's mate value is perceived to be low if they are willing to agree to low-cost sex" (as in, casual sex). A man will probably take it if he can get it -- but he's likely to, as they say, "sex it and exit."
As for this guy, he's already shown you that he IS someone who pulls "jerko Houdini" moves, with not so much as a texted "thx 4 putting out!!" the last time. If despite that, you agree to see him again, what prevents him from disappearing after sex is your ending the evening with your clothes on instead of on his bedroom rug. Unfortunately, the heat of the moment tends not to be home to Spock-like rationality and reserve. To guide how soon you'll get naked, go into a date with your ultimate goal in mind -- whether you have what anthropologists call a "long-term mating strategy" or whether you aren't so much looking for Mr. Right as you are Mr. Right Next To You At The Bar.
She doesn't seem to like the guy, which makes me wonder why she's considering a second date.
kf at March 4, 2015 8:40 AM
Maybe he fits her list.
lujlp at March 4, 2015 3:36 PM
How do I know he won't pull the same jerko Houdini move?
After you have sex with him this time, immediately strap him into a straitjacket and then suspend him by his ankles from a crane.
JD at March 4, 2015 7:32 PM
"She doesn't seem to like the guy..."
Doesn't matter. She's obviously attracted to him, since she let him bang her on the first date. "Like" and "attraction" aren't the same thing.
MikeInRealLife at March 5, 2015 9:46 AM
How do I know he won't pull the same jerko Houdini move?
You don't, because he probably will.
Sadly, your eagerness earned you the "Easy" moniker in his mind, and now you've got the job of "Back-Up Lay".
(Think friends-with-benefits but without the "friends" part.)
If all either of you want from each other is dinner and sex, this doesn't have to be wrong. So long as there's basic honesty and respect from and for all individuals involved.
I'm not saying that such a relationship of convenience is inherently doomed, but be forewarned that they have an abysmally bad likelihood of success. Either there's a lack of respect, someone who isn't completely honest with their partner (or themselves), or someone who just isn't on the same page.
But it sounds like you know this already.
He doesn't respect you. (He disappeared.)
He isn't particularly forthcoming. (No calls or texts.)
You two are obviously not on the same page.
Why would you want to give a second chance to a guy who "humps-and-dumps"?
Wallawallawanda at March 6, 2015 7:57 AM
@"How do I know he won't pull the same jerko Houdini move"
I must admit, I don't really know how one tells the difference between, 'jerko Houdini move', and, 'we both had mutually enjoyable casual sex'.
I guess it works both ways though. I had a great date with a woman once, I thought we really 'clicked', there seemed to be this wonderful, positive connection .. we ended up in bed, next day she was suddenly just rude to me. I felt played. Later I realized she was a b-tch with issues, but I don't really know or understand why someone would do that.
Lobster at March 8, 2015 1:58 AM
"After you have sex with him this time, immediately strap him into a straitjacket and then suspend him by his ankles from a crane."
No, no, no. That's foreplay.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at March 9, 2015 11:55 AM
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