Flee Market Capitalism
You recently printed a letter from a woman who had decided to stop dating so she could make better choices about men. I also decided to do this, though I haven't had her trouble in sticking to my plan. The thing is, since I stopped dating, I have been deluged with suitors. Coincidence? Or do men sense when you've packed away your desperation?
--Crowded
Men, like all of us, are most attracted to what's somewhat out of reach. Had Rapunzel been sitting behind an unlocked window on the first floor, she would have been just another chick with a hairbrush.
Value is actually a relative thing. A lack of supply -- something being (or seeming) rare and hard to get -- tends to increase demand (as in, desirability). Consider the pricing of different sorts of rocks, and why you see Jared ads for expensive diamond rings and not expensive princess-cut gray speckled pebbles: "Just $5,901.76, for this lovely bit of roadside gravel!"
Understanding the value of scarcity can help you transform how you act with men -- and, in turn, how they treat you. There's this mistaken notion that you have to feel secure before you can act that way. Actually, you can simply act more secure -- though it won't feel "natural" at first -- and you should find that men respond to you as if you are more secure. Combine that with a mindset of "I hope I like them" instead of "I hope they like me" and you should find yourself coolly considering prospective suitors -- as opposed to answering the door to a confused pizza delivery guy with "I cleared a drawer for you. Pick a toothbrush."
Not a coincidence at all. Same thing would happen to me in college/grad school. When I was in "Gee, a boyfriend might be nice," mode, crickets were drowning out my silent telephone. When I was in Screw it, I'm just gonna focus on my studies," mode, it felt as if I'd doused myself in estrogen and pizza.
I'd always ascribed it to people being scared off by even the faintest whiff of desperation. However, it could also be the sense of self-acceptance that comes with taking yourself out of the race that can be attractive to others. Two-for-one.
Wallawallawand at August 21, 2015 9:41 AM
Back, 'way back, in the day when I was single, I presented as monumentally not needy. There was an unfortunate reason for this which is not the point.
However, in retrospect, a number of pleasantries from women--in judo, will I teach her the hip throw?--or compliments and other interactions must have been IOI. I missed them altogether, which was probably part of my charm.
Neediness is a huge turn-off to the extent that losing it is a huge advantage.
Richard Aubrey at August 28, 2015 1:35 PM
Leave a comment