Hat Crime
My boyfriend of six months lives an hour away. We've had weekend overnights, but now he wants to come visit for an entire week. I'm super-excited but -- don't laugh -- worried about his seeing me in my shower cap. (My hair takes 45 minutes to blow-dry, so I wash it only once a week.) My ex-husband used to make fun of me for wearing it, telling me how unsexy and stupid-looking it was. How do I introduce my boyfriend to this thing?
--Embarrassed
Introducing your boyfriend to your plastic shower hat? Easy: "Hi, meet the end of your erections."
Consider that there are lots of hot sex scenes in movies that take place in showers. Note that no woman in any of them is wearing a shower cap. This is not an accident or omission on the part of countless movie directors. Male sexuality evolved to be visually driven -- and no, not by the sort of visuals that scare a man into thinking he's walked in on Aunt Bea. (And -- nice try, shower cap manufacturers! -- calling it "Bath Diva" or making it in an animal print doesn't change that.)
Yeah, I know, it's what's on the inside that counts -- but not if a guy doesn't want to have sex with what's on the outside. And by the way, it's hard enough to find a romantic partner attractive over time. Do you really want to give your boyfriend a visual obstacle course? Instead, be open about your deepest hopes, fears, and dreams -- right before you lock yourself in the bathroom with the elasticized stepsister of the plastic grocery sack.
I wrap mine up in the bath towel.
Sue at September 1, 2015 4:39 PM
Not only a shower cap, but a great filter!
Wear it in front of him (not all the time; just before you get into the shower). If he makes snarky remarks, you will know that he is like your ex and you can save yourself a lot of aggravation and kick him to the curb right away.
Your welcome.
Kate O'Brien at September 1, 2015 5:09 PM
Like a lot of things, participation IS KEY.
first night... take a shower together, and THEN, have him help you dry and brush it for 45 min...
Second night.. have him help you put the cap on when you take the shower together...
He'll get it, and you, and the time, and the practical, and you...
If he isn't preoccupied with washing your back, and make a comment? Well, maybe you need to talk.
If I was a bettin man, though? He won't mind the cap thingy.
SwissArmyD at September 1, 2015 8:25 PM
I would guess there is some activity that could rather quickly become associated with a shower cap that could make him look forward to seeing the thing.
MarkD at September 2, 2015 6:50 AM
I don't wear a shower cap in front of my husband, ever, and we've been together for almost 15 years. (I wash my hair more than once a week, though.) Maybe now's the time to set some boundaries about being in the bathroom at the same time? I know women whose husbands have never seen them without makeup. I think that's extreme, but it's fine to have some intimacy limits. You're not planning on inviting him in while you're pooping, are you?
ahw at September 2, 2015 7:42 AM
I'm confused -- will the boyfriend be taking every single shower with LW? Or hovering around in the bathroom, while she is prepping for her shower?
I have long, thick curls, so a shower cap is a must unless I want to spend an hour styling every day. I enter the bathroom, put the thing on, go into the shower, complete the shower, and stash the cap under the sink after the shower. Easy.
My boyfriend has seen me in the cap a few times. The first time, he was interested in its function, but that's about it. Our love life remains great.
If LW's boyfriend accidentally catches a glimpse of her in the cap and can never get it up again, he's got issues -- like her dickbag of an ex-husband.
sofar at September 2, 2015 7:59 AM
> like her dickbag of an ex-husband
Why is her ex-husband a "dickbag"? It's no secret that men's sex drive is very visually oriented. He made it pretty clear he found the shower cap a turn off, yet "Embarrassed" did nothing about it. Yet ahw manages to be married for 15 years without her husband seeing her in a shower cap - why couldn't "Embarrassed" do the same?
Snoopy at September 2, 2015 2:47 PM
Snoopy, the ex is a dirtbag because he made fun of her. He could have made his preference known without making fun and mocking her.
Janet C at September 2, 2015 4:18 PM
"My boyfriend of six months lives an hour away"... Why do women measure distance by time? How far is 'an hour'? One time zone? Is 'six months' a measure of distance here? How far is one light year?
Every map I've seen has a distance scale at the bottom, showing MILES, not 'hours'.
Maybe that will change when women begin designing maps?
jefe at September 2, 2015 7:28 PM
Why do women obsess about this shit. Her boyfriend may have teased her, however, I can guarantee you that 99% of guys don't give a shit if his girl occasionally has to wear a shower cap in the shower. They may get a momentary chuckle, BUT THEY DON'T CARE!
If she wore it as a regular fashion accessory or during sex that may be a different issue.
David H at September 2, 2015 10:52 PM
@Snoopy, as Janet C explained already, he's a dickbag because:
My ex-husband used to make fun of me for wearing it, telling me how unsexy and stupid-looking it was
When I first moved in with my boyfriend, he cut his nails in the living room without a trash can present. It made me want to gag. Did I act like a 12-year-old bully and make fun of him and call his actions gross, stupid and unsexy? No. Because that's a dickbag move. I sweetly told him that nail clippings squick me out a bit and asked him if he could do that over the bathroom garbage can to prevent the clippings from ending up in the living room carpet.
My boyfriend has seen my showercap maybe twice in 7 years (when I realized I forgot a towel and asked him to bring me one right before stepping out of the shower). When you live with someone, you may accidentally see them doing/wearing unattractive things. Unless the LW was walking around all the time in the showercap, lounging around watching TV in it, wearing it to bed, and insisting he be intimate with her while she wore it, it seems to me her ex had issues.
sofar at September 3, 2015 7:32 AM
Jefe, I don't know what planet you live on, but on ours, anyone who actually has to travel between two places measures the distance by the time it takes. Even Mapquest gives you that information along with the mileage.
Rex Little at September 3, 2015 7:59 AM
Rex, I think Jefe lives not on another planet, but in another century. Perhaps the comforting 1950s when we all used paper maps rather than GPS and only women cared about commute times. Men are too manly to care whether that 10 miles takes 8 minutes to drive (as when I lived on a rural highway) or well over an hour (I-80 at rush hour). Who cares? Not men! They're too manly to worry their furry little heads about such foolishness. Good thing my GPS was designed by dainty ladies at Garmin, so I can time my travel the womanly way and actually show up on time.
Anathema at September 3, 2015 5:44 PM
"My boyfriend of six months lives an hour away"... Why do women measure distance by time? How far is 'an hour'? One time zone? Is 'six months' a measure of distance here? How far is one light year?
"Every map I've seen has a distance scale at the bottom, showing MILES, not 'hours'.
Maybe that will change when women begin designing maps?"
I'm guessing you don't live in flyover country: here, distance measured by hours required is the easiest and most practical. (there's this great beach! Really? How far? 8 hours! Oh, hell no, too far for a weekend"). Plus, how exactly are miles helpful? 10 miles can take an hour in Austin, or 100 miles can take an hour in south Texas. If I want to know how long it will take me to get where I'm going (which is the point of directions someplace, no?) then travel time is most useful.
Even dudes in Texas use travel time, not miles. Sheesh.
momof4 at September 3, 2015 6:27 PM
Indeed, I'm more interested in showing up on time than paying attention to my odometer.
Even while cycling, miles are converted into time. For instance, if the next town is 8 miles away and I ride 16 miles per hour, it will only take me half an hour to get to the next bar.
Pirate Jo at September 4, 2015 10:26 AM
"You're not planning on inviting him in while you're pooping, are you?"
You joke, but I and other people I know have had to have this discussion. You poop with the door closed and we don't talk while it's happening!
One lady I knew in college had a mother that pooped with the door open while trying to have a conversation with anyone who came near. The sound of a toilet seat slamming down still makes her evacuate the area. Of course she was topped by the lady with a nudist witch as a mother. Among her other problems that mother wandered around in the buff with a Walmart bargain mop or broom between her thighs. Completely changes the context of bringing a boy home to see the parents.
Ben at September 6, 2015 10:25 AM
Oh Jefe! You poor man with a blatant sexist (and borderline misogynistic) view of the world. I'm a woman. Mu job occasionally requires making maps. I put scales in miles, km, feet, whatever is the appropriate distance to display and measure the feature I'm mapping. My client (man or woman would LOL if I made a map of, oh let's say the extent of a subsurface aquifer, in time. It doesn't make sense.
I've heard, more than once, from my international acquaintances that "American" often report a distance in time. Now, I know that they are stereotyping, but they have never made a gender stereotype for that coincidence. They also have stated that they don't mind this trait in Americans, as they know the American means driving time, and time requires no conversion between English and metric units. So they can use their own mental drive time vs. distance metric and know that in rush hour traffic, you're only going to travel X km down the freeway in X amount of time, even if the a American in question has no concept of the relationship between miles and km.
In general conversation, when you say "my Grandma lives close by, I visit her pretty often". Your conversation partner says "Oh, how far does she live from you?" You convert the question in your head to "how long does it take you go get to Grandma's house?" So, when you respond, "She lives about an hour away." your conversation partner also assumes you mean driving time (as opposed to walking, or subway commute time, depending on the location of the two individuals in conversation)and wouldn't normally respond with "But how MANY MILES exist between your house and Grandma's?" Instead they usually draw a mental radius on their local map of how far an hour of driving will get you in any direction and conclude that your Grandma lives within that area.
Kristen at September 8, 2015 1:46 PM
I'm not sure if my partner wears a shower cap. I think so, but at any time that she's possibly wearing one she's naked so I've never noticed.
If the LW's ex was a dick about it that goes a long way to explaining why he's an ex.
Ltw at September 11, 2015 6:18 PM
I live in a densely populated suburb. It can take me 15 minutes to go 3/4 of a mile (with four slow lights). It can take 15 minutes to go 8 miles. These are all weekday non-rush-hour times.
If I need to get to an appointment, it doesn't matter how close/far it is, it matters how long it takes. Part of that is distance, but a greater part is which direction I have to go, how many lights there are, and how bad the parking is.
S at October 5, 2015 9:40 PM
Leave a comment