Grisly Bare
I'm a 32-year-old woman, and I'm dating this guy, but I'm very insecure about my body. The other morning, I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to walk naked out of the bedroom. I told him I felt self-conscious about being naked. He didn't offer me a robe or a shirt or anything, and I found that kind of insensitive.
--Modest
They'll hand you a paper gown at the doctor's office, but that's because you're probably speaking to the intake nurse for the first or second time; you didn't stay up till 4 a.m. riding her like a pony.
This guy's lack of "sensitivity" to your naked plight may also come out of how men generally don't have quite so much insecurity about their appearance -- and for good reason. Though a woman will go for a hunkbucket if she can get one, women evolved to prioritize men's status and power over looks. (Think Henry Kissinger, Sarkozy, Shrek.)
Men's attraction to women, however, is largely visually driven. Women get this, so a woman can feel anxious when her tummy-wrangling garment is dangling from the ceiling fan and fret that her breasts, unbra'd, no longer stand up like two missiles about to be launched. But, as in this situation, when a guy keeps calling and coming back for more, chances are he's feeling appreciative of what you have and not worried that seeing it naked will have him hurling in the nightstand drawer.
Consider that a big part of sex appeal is confidence. Strutting around like you're hot is a big step toward feeling that way. Try something for two weeks: Forget how insecure you feel naked and act as secure as you'd like to feel -- tempting as it is to grab a pillow and back out of the bedroom like a cop when he knows the felons in the warehouse have him outnumbered.
Sadly, anytime we try to tell a woman to quit being insecure about something, it usually just reinforces that insecurity. When my pirate winch objects to hearing me say I love her, I quickly retrench and say "You're right, you're ugly and I hate you!" She realizes right away what sounds better.
jefe at October 20, 2015 8:08 PM
What Jefe said... at times, men get sick and tired of having to deal with women's body hangups. To men, it's totally irrational; as Amy said, as far as your BF is concerned, there is no problem here that needs solving. You need to use a different approach. Instead of saying, "I'm self-conscious, don't look at me!", say, "I'm cold. Would you mind bringing me a robe please?"
Cousin Dave at October 21, 2015 1:59 PM
Have the college kids we are reading about now writing Amy?
(sorry for being nasty - fell hard, small hand fracture and badly bruised ribs and strained abs - i growl a lot now)
has she lost her ability to think (ahead)? ("can we go back to the gas station and you can go back to work?")
Her inability to handle a known "problem" is his fault?
If he kissed that good she should run to the bathroom and get back to him quick!
Bob in Texas at October 22, 2015 6:43 AM
I would have thought women would be more concerned about her body becoming too familiar than her man not thinking she is attractive. By definition, the every day look is not the especially sexy for tonight look. You don't want your man seeing your naked body as part of the furniture, so assuming a woman wants a man always excited to see her naked, it should be done in small doses that followed or preceded by sexy times.
But the hang up about ever letting seeing you naked is counterproductive. Assuming it is not a drunken hookup for which beer goggles substituted for taste, he's only there because he already thinks you're pretty. Never letting a man see you naked can lead him to wonder if you really want him to see you as a lover. I can't remember the last time I saw Mrs Slow naked (we've been married 30+ years) and almost can't remember what she looked like naked. You don't want that happening, because he's going to start contemplating ways in which he can see women naked.
SlowMindThinking at October 22, 2015 11:09 AM
I'm sorry, did someone steal the clothes you were wearing earlier? No? Then why couldn't you just put some or all of your own clothes back on, instead of expecting him to provide you with something?
Erica at October 23, 2015 3:46 PM
as far as your BF is concerned, there is no problem here that needs solving.
That, or maybe he's had it drilled into him that when a woman complains to a man about a problem, she just wants him to listen, not actually try to fix it. He probably figures, quite reasonably, that if she wants a robe she should ask for it directly.
Rex Little at October 24, 2015 7:27 AM
The reason he did not offer her a robe is because he likes seeing her naked.
The one thing tbay drives guys crazy is women who say "I am insecure about my body"
He doesn't give a fuck about whatever supposed flaws she has. He is coming back because he finds her attractive.
He enjoys lookung at her naked body. Keep that up and she won't be dating him anymore.
David H at October 25, 2015 2:52 PM
Grab one of his dress shirts from the closet. There's nothing sexier than a girlfriend in your dress shirt in the morning.
And since it's fall, throw in some knit thigh-high stockings. Now That's a morning-after look that will get him to call in sick.
smurfy at October 26, 2015 4:08 PM
What David H said. There is nothing less sexy than a woman constantly wanting to cover herself and not let you see her naked. Letting him see you is sexy.
Lobster at November 18, 2015 3:11 PM
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