Leaf Him Alone!
Pot is legal where I live, and it helps ease my knee pain from years of running. I've noticed that it also makes me feel more sensual. I want to share the marijuana experience with my boyfriend when we make love, but he says pot (even the "energizing" strains) makes him "inert" and "obsessively analytic." How do I get him to be more open-minded?
--Merry Jane
Pot does open your boyfriend's mind -- to a four-hour rumination on the meaning of burritos.
Welcome to what biologist Ernst Mayr called "human variability" -- the existence of individual differences. We see it in how some of us enjoy a surprise kick of peanut butter in our chocolate milkshake, while for others, it's "Wow...look how I've swelled up, just like a human balloon." Likewise, research on the cognitive impact of pot by neuroscientist Antonio Verdejo-Garcia shows varying effects on research participants' "sustained attention" (among other things) -- in line with which one of two genotypes they have.
Consider that being nagged to start smoking pot is probably as annoying as being nagged to stop. Sure, you have the best of intentions -- sharing your sensual experience with him. And, if he smokes pot, you can -- after he stops communing with the rug, asking the little fibers, "Did you ever consider that the tortilla is the perfect metaphor for human consciousness?"
Bill Cosby said, "Pot smokers work harder than anyone else to get high." While pot is making YOU so 'sensuous', he gets the benefit, without having to gag his lungs out.
jefe at November 22, 2016 5:43 PM
jefe: From stuff I've read about people who have smoked pot in a social setting, they say they feel a connection to everyone else in the room who has also smoked pot. If he doesn't smoke the weed before they make love, she thinks she's not going to get that same connection.
Fayd at November 22, 2016 6:06 PM
How can I get people to be more open minded about my very personal experiences with a mind altering substance while completely dismissing, ignoring and belittling them?
Ppen at November 22, 2016 11:41 PM
From stuff I've read about people who have smoked pot in a social setting, they say they feel a connection to everyone else in the room who has also smoked pot. If he doesn't smoke the weed before they make love, she thinks she's not going to get that same connection.
Refer back to Amys response, just becuase the people in your study claimed to feel some mystical connection to fellow imbibers in a controlled setting does not mean this chick will be unable to connect if her boyfriend refuses to get high with her.
Also how old are they and what state do they live in, becuase if he is in college he can have he entire life and future career obliterated if he ever has sex with her while she is high, or drinking, or taking aspirin depending on the jurisdiction.
Basically the letter writer's question boils down to 'I want my boyfriend to do something for me that he has expressly told me will not result in the experience I want and that he finds disturbing. How do I nag him into doing it anyway as I dont trust him to think for himself?'
lujlp at November 23, 2016 12:49 AM
To riff on what jefe said: LW, do you know what the #1 thing is that a man wants from a girlfriend or spouse? He wants her to be hot and sexy in bed. If pot gets you into that state, it's all good and you're already giving him more pleasure that he would ever get from any drug. So rest assured that he is enjoying you being high every bit as much as you are. He doesn't need anything else.
I know you want to share the experience with him. What you don't realize is, you are already doing that.
Cousin Dave at November 23, 2016 6:45 AM
I smoke pot. It helps me calm down, but it doesn't make me "feel sensual." Everyone's experience is different. It makes lots of people paranoid. Some people get horny when they do cocain. Would you like it if he constantly badgered you to do blow with him? No? Give it a rest.
Ahw at November 23, 2016 9:19 PM
If he had written Amy, I'd advise him to dump you. It seems he's okay with having a girlfriend who smokes pot. When he says he doesn't want to, that's where the conversation ends. You don't pressure him into doing something he has indicated he doesn't want.
Patrick at November 23, 2016 9:37 PM
"... but he says pot (even the "energizing" strains) makes him "inert" and "obsessively analytic." How do I get him to be more open-minded?"
Life is compromise but LW may be a little too much. Her boyfriend doesn't say POT IS BAD but that when he smoked it he was not happy w/the results.
So in her world he's CLOSED MINDED!
LOL! Good luck to him. Either he's picked his poison or he's looking for the next good thing.
Bob in Texas at November 25, 2016 7:22 AM
I wish he were the one writing in. I would suggest he not stay with someone who is pressuring him to do drugs.
Nicolek at November 27, 2016 3:27 AM
If the reason you want him to smoke is to get it on you may want to reconsider as pot is associated with erectile disfigunction in men
Nicolek at November 27, 2016 3:29 AM
If you need drugs to perform...
Radwaste at December 1, 2016 4:11 PM
Not wanting to smoke pot makes you "closed-minded"? He doesn't sound closed-minded, it just sounds like he's made an open-minded decision that it's not for him. I've tried it before, and it wasn't for me, I don't want it again.
Lobster at December 14, 2016 4:10 PM
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