Plenty Of Fishing
I've been with my girlfriend for over a year, and I love her and think she's beautiful. However, she is very insecure about her looks, and she asks me all the time whether I think she looks pretty. It's getting tiring constantly reassuring her. Is there some tool I could be using to help her feel more secure?
--Stumped
I'm sure it's exhausting doing the daily "Hi, gorgeous!" skywriting and cleaning up after the rented elephant that pulls the "You're beautiful, baby!" billboard.
Only -- oh, wait... you're actually just tired from verbally "reassuring her," which, admittedly, probably takes at least several words and a whole 10 seconds -- if you include the time it takes for her to beam and go, "Reeeeally?!"
Yes, it is important for you to reassure her -- but, in doing that, motivation counts. Social psychologist Shelly Gable finds that relationships tend to be happier when those in them are guided by "approach" rather than "avoidance" goals. In normal-person terms, this means striving for positive outcomes rather than trying to avoid negative ones. In this case, an avoidance goal would be telling your girlfriend she's beautiful in order to keep her from nagging you, but taking the "approach" approach would be doing it because you want her to feel good. And here's a secret: Break out the compliments before she asks and you might keep her from starting to worry that she needs "extra-coverage" makeup -- the kind that involves scaffolding, three workmen, and $200 worth of drywall.
Real talk. Tell her before she ask and make sure you mean it when u say it. I think some women can tell when u speaking from the heart or when u just doing it to shut them the hell up. You say you love her so don't let no lil shit like that mess up what yall got. Let her know also it aint just about yo looks that you'll love her even when she old n wrinkly cus yo love is that deep, Make sure its that deep though
Wisewords at November 16, 2016 7:46 AM
Wisewords, you should work for Hallmark making relationship cards. Well played.
Bob in Texas at November 16, 2016 6:29 PM
Turn it into an opportunity for sex, when she asks how she looks use it to strip her out of her clothes or as an excuse to run your hands all over her.
One of two things will happen, you'll get laid, or she stops asking for validation twenty times a day
lujlp at November 17, 2016 9:33 AM
Bob your comment made me laugh out loud!
Andrea at November 17, 2016 8:06 PM
I was a mentor to a young girl (from 10 till 19) who was truly beautiful--but that was just about all she had going for her. She spent an inordinate amount of time talking about her looks, and who thought she was pretty, and how pretty everyone thought she was, and how jealous other girls were, and how many of her 'guy friends' ended up being in love with her.
It was all based on the fact that that was just about all she had going for her. It gets very wearying being around that all the time. I tried very hard for a lot of years to get her to value herself for something else--anything else--to no avail.
Peggy Y at November 21, 2016 3:05 PM
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