Censor And Sensibility
My boyfriend is very smart, but he curses. A lot. Even in front of my family. He says I shouldn't try to curtail his free expression and mentioned some news report that said smarter people curse more. Am I being a tight-xxx? Or is he full of xxxx?
--Upset
When you ask your boyfriend to talk dirty to you, you shouldn't need to specify, "Except at my grandma's wake."
And no, there's no evidence that smarter people curse more -- though that's what popped up in headlines across Clickbaitville. The actual finding -- by swearing researchers Kristin and Timothy Jay -- is that people who can rattle off a lot of words (those who have "verbal fluency") can also rattle off a lot of swearwords. Quelle #&*@$ surprise.
I'm no priss about profanity. However, as I explain in (heh) "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," "at the root of manners is empathy" -- caring about the impact your behavior has on other people. Your parents are likely to see your boyfriend's bratty insistence on talking however he effin' pleases, no matter who's in earshot, as a sign of disrespect. It suggests an aggressive, narcissistic lack of interest in others' feelings -- including yours. That's not exactly a selling point in a partner, plus it could lead you to dread being around your family: "You havin' a psychotic break, son, or you just anglin' for more pie?"
She should tell him to get fucked, and dump the loser!
Patrick at January 11, 2017 5:26 AM
How is she asking him?
After all this isnt a math equation, so in this instance feels do matter
The trick is to avoid negative reinforcement.
If he tries dont berate him for failing to be perfect from that momment onward
lujlp at January 11, 2017 12:35 PM
No advice, just an anecdote. My husband and I both swear like coked-up longshoremen, and my mom isn't bothered by naughty words, but my dad is. So the whole family is careful to not offend him, just out of courtesy.
So this one time, my husband and I come over to my parents' place and their very friendly large-ish dog jumps up to say hi and basically punches my husband right in the family jewels.
The sight of this big burly, often foul-mouthed guy writhing around saying, "Well golly gee. Oh my goodness that certainly is gosh-darn painful. Lawsy me" was so funny that my mom and I couldn't stop laughing, really not (much) at the sight of a man taking one in the breadbasket, just at the absurdity. Which inspired more along the lines of "Gee whillikers I sure do wish you dangnabbed ladies would stop with the consarned monkey-funking giggles!". Probably one case where my genteel dad would have forgiven a swear or two, but the effort was appreciated nonetheless.
Anathema at January 11, 2017 1:27 PM
Anathema, that gem of a story has brightened my entire day. I think I must add "monkey-funking" to my vocab with immediate effect.
katinka at January 11, 2017 2:02 PM
The foul mouths I typically see day-to-day are farthest from being brightest bulbs, if you know what I mean. Mostly they just sound ghetto.
There's a poverty of expression in our culture.
If you want to learn about real cussing, you have to hark back to 19th century sailor-speak, or even
further back to Shakespeare. Billy Shakes was truly an artist!
Elsewhere, find out what people from outside our
country turn to-- maybe no match for Shakespeare,
but often just as colorful and entertaining.
jefe at January 11, 2017 5:42 PM
Please. I have a foul mouth. But I can turn it on and off.
I know my mother-in-law would probably faint if she heard a foul word out of me. And we have a hyper-religious branch of the family as well. Around those groups, my language is pristine.
It's called being an adult. And being able to switch up your manner of speaking for different audiences is a skill that will serve you well in life.
sofar at January 12, 2017 8:06 AM
A lot of military guys swear like, well, soldiers. And not just grunts; a lot of officers do it too. Not even really for emphasis; it just becomes part of their vernacular. I suppose if you life contains the constant risk of having your ass blown off by something waiting for you around the next corner, that sort of thing happens. But several of them have mentioned this to me in terms of the effort of re-adjusting to civilian life after they get out.
Cousin Dave at January 13, 2017 11:45 AM
My late mother, a Latin and classics teacher, rarely swore. Because it was so infrequent, and because of her eloquence, when she did it delivered great impact. And she knew it.
If one wants to curse effectively, one should curse judiciously. :)
Jeff at January 26, 2017 4:41 AM
Leave a comment