Hello Hath No Fury
Though my boyfriend is loving and attentive, he's bad at responding to my texts. He's especially bad while traveling, which he does often for his work. Granted, half my texts are silly memes. I know these things aren't important, so why do I feel so hurt when he doesn't reply?
--Waiting
You'd just like your boyfriend to be more responsive than a gigantic hole. (Yell into the Grand Canyon and you'll get a reply. And it isn't even having sex with you.)
What's getting lost here is the purpose of the GIF of parakeets re-enacting the Ali/Frazier fight or the cat flying through space on the burrito. Consider that, in the chase phase, some men text like crazy, hoping to banter a woman into bed. But once there's a relationship, men (disproportionately) use texting as a logistical tool -- "b there in 5" -- while women continue using it as a tool for emotional connection. That's probably why you feel so bad. Feeling ignored is also not ideal for a relationship. In research psychologist John Gottman did on newly married couples, the newlyweds who were still together six years down the line were those who were responsive toward their partner's "bids for connection" -- consistently meeting them with love, encouragement, support, or just attention.
Explain this "bids for connection" thing to your boyfriend. (That mongoose in a dress is just meme-ese for "Yoo-hoo! You still there?") However, especially when he's traveling, a little reasonableness from you in what counts as a reply should go a long way. Maybe tell him you'd be happy with "Ha!", "LOL," or an emoji. You'd just like to see more than your own blinking cursor -- looking like Morse code for "If he loved you, he'd at least text you that smiling swirl of poo."
Over at Answerology.com*, what we used to tell young people who seem 'unclear on the concept' when it comes to texting: "IF YOU CAN TEXT, YOU CAN TALK."
*Don't look for it, it's gone away.
jefe at May 2, 2017 7:10 PM
If I were her BF, I would be annoyed at a continuing bombardment of texts, especially when working.
Bzzzt. Is it important? No, another stupid gif, dammit, I was concentrating.
On top of that, the whole purpose of a text (as opposed to a phone call) is that I can respond when I have time. Whereas I'll bet she's expecting an *immediate* response.
Talk to him: I'll be he feels pestered. Agree on how many texts per day he's happy to receive. Don't be shocked when that's 1 or 2, instead of 10 or 20.
a_random_guy at May 3, 2017 2:10 AM
Randomguy beat me to it. The reason he isn't responding is because you're annoying the crap out of him. He's trying to get work done and you're yelling "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" every ten minutes. Odds are he has to put his phone on silent because you keep making it go off when he's in a meeting (in today's corporate world, there are few things that will earn you more management ire than your phone ringing in the middle of a large meeting), and now because he's had to put it on silent, he doesn't realize that you've queued up eight shares of saccharine "inspirational" quotes from Facebook. As for the travel, he's likely spending a lot of time on airplanes (you know what "airplane mode" on a phone does, right?), or maybe in areas where there is no coverage.
So sorry to harsh your buzz, but it's true. One or two texts a day is OK, but you have to understand that he's trying to get work done and doesn't need constant interruption. He probably feels bad about not replying to all of your texts, but it's distracting him and probably impacting his work performance. If you make him choose between you and his job, you're going to lose.
Cousin Dave at May 3, 2017 6:18 AM
How many texts per day are we talking here? If she's texting him every other day and he's not responding (not even at night before bed or whenever he's available), he's being a jerk. If we're talking multiple texts a day, shoot, I wouldn't even answer those.
When my husband and I were long distance (first two years of our relationship), we sent goofy memes/videos/images as Facebook messages (which makes them seem WAY less urgent) and kept texting for things we actually expected a response to.
sofar at May 3, 2017 7:21 AM
In her defense, she is not asking, "Why doesn't he reply?" She asked why she hurts when he doesn't reply to unimportant texts. She strikes me as someone starting to mature, and is puzzled over her own irrationality.
She'd probably be better off with someone who works in a facility like mine; we aren't allowed within a half mile or so of our cell phones. No expectation of a reply, no pain.
SlowMindThinking at May 3, 2017 11:15 AM
"Tell you what baby, I'll quit my job and do nothing but answer your texts all day. And since I'm not working whats say I move in with you. Just sign this financial agreement agreeing to pay me my current salary in perpetuity in case supporting me to sit around and do nothing but answer your texts all day ever leads to us breaking up and it turns out I quit my job for nothing"
lujlp at May 3, 2017 9:41 PM
Silly memes? If you want him to get more excited about your texts, send him something like a pic of you in a sexy nightie or an upskirt shot. Trust me, even if he doesn't reply, he'll be happy to get that and thinking about your text until he gets home.
I really don't care to sit and text, I'm not a teenage girl, and when you have real work to do it just doesn't fit in to your day anyway. It's certainly not personal if I don't reply.
Lobster at May 4, 2017 3:32 PM
There was a time when you just had to return with a souvenir and that snow globe of the St, Louis Arch was enough to show you cared.
Granted that was back when Leave it to Beaver was on live.
smurfy at May 5, 2017 3:44 PM
As others said it depends how often texts are happening and how often they are being ignored.
If it is her, I'd recommend have her watch a dozen don't text while driving horror commercials. It may sink in that the texts aren't as important as she feels they are and that texting too much can poison a relationship.
Joe j at May 8, 2017 12:06 PM
Leave a comment