Pic Me!
I'm a newly divorced woman trying some online dating sites. Because I read your column, I understand how men prioritize beauty. I'm an attractive woman, but I often photograph terribly, and I'm thinking of spending some money and having a professional photographer shoot some pix in a studio. Would this be a good investment? I feel like I'd have a better shot if I had really great photos.
--Unphotogenic
Being somewhat vain, I fear the candid camera. In fact, I not only favor the posed photo but tend to stick (rather aggressively) to a single pose -- the one that doesn't make people wonder whether I eat oats out of a burlap bag.
On online dating sites especially, appearance drives whom we choose or lose. Not surprisingly, marketing researcher Jonah Berger reports that "most online contexts," including dating sites, "are dominated by posed photos," as opposed to the candid kind -- to the point where the main leisure activity in North America appears to be standing in a bathroom making duck lips for the camera.
Berger notes that people tend to assume that others will find them more likable and worth getting to know if they present "a curated, polished version of the self." Yet in his research, it was the candid pix that made people more interested in "being friends with or going on a date" with the person pictured. Those he surveyed also reported feeling "more connected" to those in the candid photos and liking these people more overall.
"Candid photos made photo targets seem more genuine," Berger explains. They "seem to provide a glimpse into what someone is truly like, an unvarnished perspective on how they look and behave when others aren't looking." However, there are times when candids are less advisable. For example, Berger found that employers on LinkedIn were more interested in hiring someone who used a posed photo. Sadly, it seems the candid "Here I am at 1 in the morning drinking my sixth glass of chardonnay" does not scream, "Hire MEEEEE!"
But getting back to online dating, let's temper Berger's findings with what we all know: The hotter you look the more replies you'll get on a dating site. So, because you're somebody who often photographs "terribly," your best bet is getting photos taken that appear to be candid. You do this by having a photographer or friend shoot you "in action" -- in other words, appearing not to notice the big honking lens or the iPhone right in your face. Plan to shoot a ton of photos and at least a few will catch you looking babe-alicious. This should help you bridge the photogenic fairness gap -- how there are those the candid camera loves and those it loves to make look like ringers for Winston Churchill.
Pro photographers who shoot models know this secret: you have to take a lot of shots to get a few good ones. Do what Amy said: pick a location where you can be doing something that interests you (and doesn't involve having to wear coveralls or something like that), get a photographer, and then have him/her shoot while you walk around and do stuff. Some of the resulting photographs will make you cringe, but that's OK because no one else has to see them. You'll find a few in the bunch that will pleasantly surprise you.
Cousin Dave at December 7, 2017 6:26 AM
Avoid more than one glamor shot and selfies
lujlp at December 7, 2017 12:14 PM
I see way too many photos taken in abominable light conditions, where the person winds up looking like s/he's in a witness protection program. Stand in the open sun, TAKE OFF THE SUNGLASSES, and be properly positioned in the frame... not too close, not too far.
jefe at December 7, 2017 5:22 PM
Take a candid shot...after you do an hour for make up, get your hair done and wear some Forever 21 garb (or perhaps the satellite store 'Hopefully Looking 42') Push up bra. Long hair.
FIDO at December 10, 2017 5:33 AM
"I'm an attractive woman..." also hopefully means you really don't have to go far to come up with an appealing image.
Manny Zervos and his associates come up with images that make the Victoria's Secret and SI Swimsuit models look like boys, but it also produces a museum-quality character: art to be admired, and maybe stutter about, but not interact with. You're gonna be personable!
Radwaste at December 10, 2017 9:12 AM
back when i was on a dating site, I heard a comment that a bathroom mirror selfie meant you had no best friend. (its been awhile)
tmitsss at December 13, 2017 7:19 AM
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