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I'm dating again now and annoyed by how texting's become the way you get to know somebody you might want to go out with. I type all day at work. I'll talk on the phone, but the last thing I want to do when I'm off is type text messages.
--Contrary Millennial Woman
Back in, say, 539 B.C. in Sumer, if you wanted to tell somebody you were "laughing out loud," you'd have to dispatch your eunuch across town with the message on a cuneiform tablet. Okay, so the "tablets" are way more tricked out these days, but oh, how far we haven't come.
Texting can be a great way to get to know somebody -- somebody who can't talk on the phone because they're hiding in a closet from kidnappers in a Liam Neeson movie. However, assuming neither of you is in immediate danger of being sold into sex slavery by the standard swarthy Hollywood terrorists, you should hold off on any text-athons until after you put in some solid face-to-face time.
Sure, in texting, it seems like all sorts of information is getting "bloop!"ed back and forth. However, you end up missing some vital elements -- tone of voice, emotion, body language -- that you'd have in person or even FaceTiming on your phone.
People shrug that off: "No biggie...I'll just see all that stuff when we meet." Well, there's a problem with that. "Nature," it's said, "abhors a vacuum," and it seems the human brain isn't so hot on it, either. Research by neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga suggests that when people lack information, their brain helps them by making up a narrative that seems to make sense. So there's a good chance your brain is going to be your helpful little servant and fill in the missing bits -- with ideas about a person that may not correspond all that closely with reality.
In other words, you're accidentally onto something with your dislike of text-athons. That said, the telephone isn't the best way to get to know somebody, either -- not even via FaceTime, which only gives you a partial picture. That's why I think you and anyone you're considering dating should communicate minimally online or by phone and get together in person ASAP. Ideally, your first date should be three things: cheap, short, and local -- making it low-cost in time, money, and, on some occasions, "lemme outta here, you sick pumpkin latte-slurping degenerate!" (Apologies to any degenerates who don't befoul their latte with autumn Febreze.)
Tell guys your preference, and don't be swayed by texting aficionados who insist that you simply MUST engage in marathon text sessions before meeting somebody...because...because safety! Sure, meet your dates in public places (rather than have them pop by your place so they can zip-tie you and stuff you in their trunk). The reality is, texting somebody till your fingers bleed is not the equivalent of an FBI report on their trustworthiness -- though it will leave you well-prepared to testify at The Hague on their war crimes against the apostrophe.
Here - I'll shorten this:
You read texts in your voice.
You hear them speak in their voice.
Who are you supposed to be listening to?
Radwaste at March 14, 2018 9:11 AM
Texting is okay for some things, such as "Reservations are for 7PM at Elaine's," or "Please call me when you get the chance -- I can get Rangers tickets!" It seems to me that texting is good for supplementing actual interaction, not being the interaction itself.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at March 14, 2018 9:38 AM
Outside of quick follow-up messages, texting is for people afraid to actually TALK. I have no text feature on either of my telephones.
I used to be on an advice site called Answerology, and we'd often see someone (usually a young man) ask, "What should I text this girl to get her attention?" Invariably we'd answer "If you can text, you can TALK. Maybe that is what she is waiting for?" Even the dating gurus rail against texting, making clear that a man should only use it to set up a time to actually TALK. That, and to confirm a date, should be the only use for it.
If a man simply cannot communicate without texting, "NEXT!" him.
That said, it certainly behooves a woman to actually respond when a man does call and he leaves a voice message for her. Women who won't give that small courtesy deserve to be "NEXT!"ed themselves.
Harumph!
jefe at March 14, 2018 6:25 PM
Ah, my internet dating days. When we sent emails back and forth and the exchange was exciting! Intellectually stimulating! Excellent! And then we met and were not so into each other. After all those weeks it was very disappointing.
Better to exchange one or two and then meet...
I think it still holds with texts. As long as you see each other regularly no problem. As long as you see each other. Regularly.
NicoleK at March 18, 2018 8:10 AM
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