Whim Chill Factor
A guy I know through mutual friends finally asked for my number, claiming he'd like to see more of me. I was elated, but he never called. After a month, I gave up hope, feeling puzzled and, honestly, kind of hurt. Why do men get your number if they're never going to call or text?
--Uncontacted
Men can experience a sort of temporary amnesia in the moment, leading them to ask you for your number. Shortly afterward, their memory returns: "Oh, wait -- I have a girlfriend." Or "My herpes is raging." Or "The mob is still after me. The Canadian mob." (They gag you and duct-tape you to a chair and say "please" and "thank you" repeatedly until you pass out.)
Of course, it isn't just men who are prone to ride the "seemed like a good idea at the time" seesaw. It's anyone with a human brain. This asking for your number and then never actually dialing it thing appears to be an example of our brain's two systems at work -- our quick-to-react emotional system and our slower-to-come-around reasoning system, which I wrote about in a recent column, per the research of psychologist Daniel Kahneman.
Again, the fast emotional system responds immediately -- and automatically: "Yeah, baby! There's a woman whose clothes I'd like to see in a pile on my bedroom rug." Or, if the lust is for a little head-busting: "BARRRR FIGHT!" The rational system comes around later, often for a little rethink about whatever the emotional system got the person into -- like when the bar brawler dude is cooling his heels in the slammer, seeing as how the collections bail bondsmen will accept as collateral do not include all the toenail clippings one has saved since 1999.
In other words, it helps to view any request for your number as a moment of flattery -- nothing more. Don't expect a guy to call. In fact, expect most not to call. If they don't call, you'll be right. If they do, you'll be pleasantly surprised, like getting that winning lottery scratcher that allows you to buy that Lamborghini you've been eyeing -- the whole car, not just the logo-adorned leather key ring to attach to the keys for your 3,000-year-old Honda.
Did you give him the right number?
Had a lady once stop me after getting her number, she apologized and gave me another one saying the one she gave me was a fake and a force of habit
Was he dyslexic?
I once, before text messaging was ubiquitous, was reading off a phone number to my mother.
I read it out loud to her wrong, she repeated it back to me wrong in an entirely different manner, and once we both buckled down it turned out she had put it in her phone correctly her dyslexia cancelling out mine
How did you give it to him?
You call his phone from yours, paper, verbally? Could be he cant read his writing, or lost the paper
Could be he got back with his ex or some other lady he ran into after getting your number but before calling you.
Could be hes dead or just plain rude.
If it bothers you that much call him, or have one of your girlfriends bitch him out
lujlp at April 10, 2018 11:16 PM
Calling when he says he's going to call is the first hurdle a dude must clear before he gets to go out with you. He didn't call. Don't assume anything and don't take it personally. When you see him again, stay cool and let him do the talking. If his excuse sounds legit, you might give him one more chance.
Fraulein Gretel at April 12, 2018 9:26 AM
Why do women give us their numbers and then refuse to answer or return our calls?
jefe at April 12, 2018 7:12 PM
Many years ago, a very VERY beautiful girlfriend of mine told me there were three ways she handled being asked for her telephone number.
First, if she wanted the man to have her number, she would give it and ask him to repeat it to make sure he had the right number.
If she did NOT want him to have it, she would say, "I'm sorry, I don't wish to give it to you."
If he became annoying and insisted on having it, she'd say, "All right, you talked me into it", and gave him the phone number of the local VD Hotline.
Elizabeth at April 13, 2018 1:59 PM
Why do men get your number if they're never going to call or text?
I don't recall doing that but, for men who have done it, I suppose they've just changed their mind. People change their minds about things all the time.
JD at April 14, 2018 2:17 PM
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