Paint And Suffering
I'm doing some work on my landlady's house. She just CANNOT figure out what color to paint it. Now, when a man paints his house, he goes to Home Depot, grabs a few cans of paint, and starts right in. Simple. Git 'er done. Not so with a woman. She'll agonize endlessly over a bunch of paint chips. She'll finally make a decision, but even then, it's subject to change without notice. So, my question: Has anyone analyzed this phenomenon and found a connection with, you know, a woman's "time of the month"?
--Handydude
Some people are just irritating. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their ovaries.
Women's house paint preferences, sadly, have not been a prolific area of scientific study. However, there was a bunch of research suggesting that women's mate preferences shift with their hormone levels during the menstrual cycle -- for example, findings that women went for more masculine faces in the fertile phase of their cycle. But there was a problem. These studies had too-small sample sizes and other methodological shortcomings, which can lead to false positives. When psychologist Benedict Jones and his colleagues ran a big long-term study to check these findings -- using more rigorous methodology -- they found "no compelling evidence that preferences for facial masculinity track changes in women's hormonal status."
However, there do seem to be sex differences in decision-making. These differences emerge before the menstruation years, note neurobiologist Ruud van den Bos and his colleagues (referencing others' research on 7-to-9-year-old children). Their own research finds that men and women show "small but consistent differences in decision-making" that appear related to sex differences in the brain -- in information-processing and emotion regulation. Women appear to be "more sensitive" to potential losses (effects of bad choices) -- which, in turn, might make an individual woman more hesitant to settle on a choice. (No choose, no lose!)
The truth is, there are times when we all have difficulty making a choice. Psychologist Barry Schwartz explains that we (men and women) are driven to protect ourselves from regret -- the pain of blaming ourselves for making the wrong choice. Fear of regret makes choosing especially challenging when we have a bunch of options without meaningful differences -- like eight slightly different shades of off-white house paint: "'Creme Fraiche'? 'Coastal Ivory'? Maybe 'Breezy Linen'?..."
As for your observation about the chop-chop way men choose a paint color, consider that maybe the average dude -- one who isn't an architect, a decorator, or a design connoisseur -- might not be so picky about the color of his house. If you want to help your landlady, get some techie friend of yours to Photoshop each color onto the house so the final result is less abstract. Suggest she invite friends over for cocktails to help her choose. This isn't just a social occasion; it's a regret-minimization tactic -- allowing her to disperse the blame for any grim post-painting epiphanies, such as "Ugh. 'Tuscan Yellow' -- or, as we call it in the States, '3-Day-Old Urine Sample.'"
The techie friend is optional. Colorjive (http://colorjive.com) is a free service that lets you upload a photo of a room and virtually "paint" it. Adobe has a similar free service
Christopher Dillon at July 17, 2018 11:09 PM
Those are great suggestions. One thing that helped me was thinking about worst case scenarios. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you don’t choose the right color paint, etc?
The cost might be living with an imperfect color for a while or repainting, which might cost a couple hundred dollars. While the money might be a barrier, it’s probably not more than you’ve spent on a luxury such as a great dinner, massage, gambling, or a sweater.
If the very worst thing happened and I didn’t realize that I hated a color until the entire house was painted and it was impossible to live with, I can just get it repainted. Of course, it’s likely that even if the color is wrong, you will notice quickly.
My parents remodeled about 20 homes. One color was terrible. Dad had painted about 1/5 of the house. They both agreed that it wasn’t what they imagined and changed it.
It’s only a true hardship if someone digs in. Paint is one of the cheapest changes one can make.
Jen at July 18, 2018 5:31 AM
In the 1940s, my father was preparing to paint the house and my mother kept changing her mind as to the color she wanted. I was about 10 and I asked her, "How do you choose a color?"
She told me that Mrs. Tessler painted HER house an ugly shade of tan and MY mother wasn't going to have all the neighbors disparaging HER choice.
Most of her decisions were based on "what will the neighbors say?". My father usually answered, "Likely nothing; they have their own problems."
Elizabeth at July 18, 2018 6:36 AM
Elizabeth, my mother was the same way. She was always afraid of what other people would think in given situations. I later figured out this was because she herself had a tendency to look down on other people when they did embarrassing things and she believed everyone else was just like her.
Fayd at July 18, 2018 8:46 AM
I tell you what though. Chip Gaines has made a lot of men in my dad’s generation care deeply about home-decor choices. I never thought I’d see my dad agonize over the different “warm gray” paints at Home Depot, but here we are.
sofar at July 18, 2018 9:58 AM
Paint chips are the worst. Much better to buy a couple of sample size containers of the paint colors you are considering, and cover a couple of square feet with it. You're gonna cover it all up shortly anyway, right?
Now you can make an informed decision.
Better yet! Invite those friends over for drinks and hand 'em a brush. Loads of fun, lots of opinions, and again, there's that informed decision at the end.
Bryan Lubbers at July 18, 2018 10:01 AM
I remember as a teenager my step mom decided that the wood paneling was too dark looking.
For a week, I would go to school with the walls one shade of pink...and come home to the walls being a totally different shade of pink.
The only positive of that was she was the one doing the painting (for the most part) and so I was able to avoid that ridiculous task.
FIDO at July 18, 2018 11:19 AM
If you can't make up your mind between two items, it means there's not enough significant difference to make the choice obvious.
So it's not going to make ANY FREAKING DIFFERENCE.
So you dither, wondering whether you'd regret not getting that cool vanilla custard in the long john more than not getting that crunchy crust in the bear claw.
This whole thing frustrates me in the sense that H. Sap should be better than that.
I know a woman who agonizes over which yogurt to have for breakfast, holding the refrigerator door open the entire time.
When she visits, I have to be careful with my observations. The only thing I do is reach in while ostentatiously not looking.
Richard Aubrey at July 18, 2018 6:05 PM
Women get judged way more on what their house looks like, especially cleanliness and decorating choices. Some women can't handle the pressure.
NicoleK at July 19, 2018 10:16 AM
Please!
Everyone gets judged for everything.
Are you suggesting that a woman entering a man's house for the first time doesn't make HER value judgments on his decorating and housekeeping skills? Ridiculous.
Women don't get any sort of monopoly on being judged.
If a woman is more strongly judged about how she keeps house, for many women, historically and today, that IS their job as a housewife. So being 'rated on their job' is no different than a man being judged on his career and his ability in that career.
Are we also offering sympathy to MEN who do not excel at their jobs and crack?
FIDO at July 19, 2018 3:56 PM
Protip:
If you've never menstruated, menstruation should not be your go-to explanation for behaviors you do not understand.
The 99.999% of the time that you'll be wrong, you'll look like a jerk.
The 0.001% of the time you'll be correct, any satisfaction so gained will be FAR outweighed by her not appreciating your assessment.
Rob at July 20, 2018 1:56 PM
Women are judged on their houses in a way men aren't whether or not they are housewives. It's the way it is, and it is unfair.
If men are being judged on jobs that aren't theirs but fall under male stereotypes, that's unfair as well.
NicoleK at July 21, 2018 5:52 PM
Look around: women are bullied, harrassed, stalked, doxxed, their employers threatened with bombs if the truth-speaking women aren't banned or fired. Her children will be threatened with violence and attacked. These are threats many many women are living with today, and nothing can be done, say Facebook, Twitter et al who are responding to an uruly mob driven by lack of any kind of rational thinking, basic understanding of science and who threaten violence to get their way, with impunity.
"Your fears are stupid".
No. Really, start paying attention. Your premise is useless today.
reality at July 28, 2018 12:12 PM
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