Netflix And Kill
My boyfriend and I have a TV ritual -- watching our favorite show together every week. Yesterday, I had a dinner meeting, and I asked him to wait to watch it with me, but he didn't. There's so much other stuff on TV. Did he really need to watch "our show"? He doesn't understand what the big deal is and told me to just watch the episode myself and get caught up. Grrr.
--Mad
So, your boyfriend's saying, "My darling...my love...you know your happiness means the world to me -- just not enough to masturbate and read a book for an evening."
To be fair, it probably seems like a TV show is just a TV show. What is the big deal if he watches ahead? But it turns out that context matters. This is a TV show you watch together -- or, as my boyfriend describes it, it's a "relationship show." That probably sounds romantic, but considering our shows are usually murder-centric, date night is basically "Come over at 7, and we'll have a nice dinner and watch six innocent people being gutted like hogs."
It turns out that the fictional social world couples share through their "relationship shows" can be important to their partnership. According to research by social psychologist Sarah Gomillion and her colleagues, it works like sharing a social network of real live friends and family members, fostering a "shared identity."
In fact, their research suggests that sharing a fictional social world "predicts greater relationship quality." This was especially true among couples who "reported sharing fewer mutual friends with partners." For those partners, "sharing media more frequently was associated with greater interdependence, closeness, and confidence in the relationship."
As for why you feel hurt, your boyfriend basically sent you the message, "I want to watch this show now more than I want to watch it with you." But look to how he is in general. Is he loving? Does he usually -- or at least often -- prioritize your happiness and well-being? If so, you can probably get him to mend his episode-straying ways, simply by explaining why your collective fictional friends are important to your relationship. This is likely to fire up his empathy -- or, at the very least, his dread of a brand-new recurring argument: "How can I ever trust you if you can't -- for a single evening -- resist the seductive nature of the balding, annoying Larry David?"
She sounds...sooooo young!
bkmale at August 28, 2018 12:29 PM
My husband and I have this ritual, and once we've started a show together, neither would dream of watching an episode alone. (We are in our 50s.)
Fraulein Gretel at August 30, 2018 10:15 AM
This Is Just To Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
William Carlos Williams
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at August 30, 2018 11:14 AM
This is Just To Say
Where is the last stanza
in which you add: Please tell me
what I can bring you to make
amends for my
thoughtlessness. I am truly sorry.
Sorry, Bozo, you are an oaf.
Grandma Elizabeth
Grandma Elizabeth at August 30, 2018 5:21 PM
I would never watch GOT or any other show we were watching together, without him and it isn't because I haven't had the opportunity or been tempted to...
NicoleK at August 31, 2018 10:46 AM
This might be a bit of oafishness
And/or
This might have been a shit test on her part
And/or
This might be a signal that the relationship is in trouble and she needs to know why.
FIDO at August 31, 2018 2:06 PM
"Sorry, Bozo, you are an oaf."
Who's an oaf?
NB - no need to sign your post, your name appears underneath it by default.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at August 31, 2018 11:58 PM
It would still be pretty uncool if say, he was just home by himself and just watched it, thinking maybe he could just re-watch it with her another night.
But that she specifically asked him not to, and he said, "Whatever?" That would suggest a fundamental lack of respect towards her. What else is he going to blow off or disregard her feelings on? A small thing, but probably indicative of a larger issue.
Steve G at November 26, 2018 3:32 AM
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