Girls Just Wanna Have Funding?
I'm a 34-year-old man, newly single after a relationship that started in college. Though I love the work I do running a small nonprofit, I don't make tons of money. I'm worried that my inability to "provide" in any sort of lavish way will make it hard for me to attract post-college women. Do I need to win the lottery?
--Making A Difference
It is best if the dream date you're proposing isn't all in the presentation: "We have reservations tonight at a cozy new hot spot -- my studio apartment with the heat that won't shut off. Dress tropical!"
I do often write about how women evolved to prefer male partners with high status -- men with the ability to "provide" (like by being a hotshot spearmeister who regularly brings home the bison, earning others' respect and loyalty). However, what's important to note -- and what has some bearing on your chances with the ladies -- is that ancestral humans lacked anything resembling "wealth" (portable, conservable assets).
Though no modern woman wants a man who lives paycheck advance to paycheck advance, there's hope for you -- from research on one of the few cultures today in which men aren't the primary earners. Political scientist Nechumi Yaffe looked at ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel -- a community in which the men spend all day hunched over studying the Torah and the women are the breadwinners.
Yaffe finds that, as in other cultures, the men the ultra-Orthodox women prefer as mates are those who are the best in their "field" -- which, in this community, comes out of the level of "religious devotion and piety" the men show. In other words, though men's status is a vital mating asset across cultures, "how status is achieved may be culturally specific."
As for you, I'm guessing you don't work at a nonprofit because you hit your head and forgot to become a cold corporate tool. You're surely part of a community that shares your beliefs about the importance of making a difference. Chances are, many of the women in your world don't want some money-worshipping hedge fund buttknuckle.
In other words, to ramp up your status, you need to stand out as a top do-gooder -- like by coming up with and implementing innovative ideas to ease people's suffering and make the world a better place. This should make you extremely attractive to a woman with similar values -- the sort who spends time every week beautifying the planet...and not because picking up trash along the highway is a condition of her probation for her DUI.
Working at a non-profit ranks you high in honor, which is admirable. As Amy says, if you're an expert in your field it will help.
If you end up marrying a high earner, you may find you end up having to do more on the home front. If your nonprofit is left leaning this may be easier and you may end up exemplifying the ideal woke feminist couple, and your partner will bask in the glow of that status.
As for dates you may have to get creative. Out door stuff, picnics, etc.
I do disagree with Amy on one point... the women in your field may not be where you want to look. They may, in fact, be hoping to meet someone who can help them financially. There are a LOT of couples where the husband is a high earner and the wife has some honorable but low-paying job. You may have an easier time meeting women who have more conventional jobs. Look everywhere.
NicoleK at January 30, 2019 2:58 AM
you may end up exemplifying the ideal woke feminist couple, and your partner will bask in the glow of that status.
Not impossible, but you'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that particular princess. Most women--even dedicated feminists who believe it shouldn't matter what a man earns--are turned off by men who make less than they do.
Rex Little at February 1, 2019 6:12 AM
Hmm. I have thought a lot about this and come to a conclusion.
Every woman has a min(X) where X is a variable of 'adequate income'. For some, it is three hot meals a day with actual meat in at least one.
For some, it is a twice yearly trip to Barbados.
But that min(X) is the floor. If you can't take care of yourself and a + 1, how can she respect you as a mate, particularly considering how easy simple maintenance actually is in most places. (Highly Liberal Expensive Urban Enclaves are the exception)
After that, she starts adding bonus and negative points for all the other aspects of 'You': the status, the looks, the humor, the hygeine, the parental qualities, etc. I know plenty of great guys in every department save cash...and while they get short term romances, the occasional one off, or statements of 'amazing friendship', the fuck stops there. Admiration is cheap: eggs are expensive.
Moderate your expectations. If you have a bargain basement salary, you are not getting a 25 yo Gucci Mama. Think Old, Ugly, Poor and/or Desperate.
Want a wider selection? Think about extra income and VAST self improvement. As with everything else, you get what you are worth...maybe.
FIDO at February 4, 2019 9:09 PM
God must love poor people because he made so many of them.So does lust and other hormones, as well as expectations and hopes. Emotional support and showing care does a lot to raise status and lovability, otherwise poor people would never marry each other. Have you seen how many ugly poor people find love? Seen how many ugly rich people do too? Money is one way to have high status, being a good partner is another.
Douglas Nelson at March 27, 2019 4:02 AM
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