A Girl Whose Parents Need A Very Public Spanking
You know, I like to remind people that you need a license to cut hair, and what a shame that you only need working ovaries to have a child. Here's a letter I got on Saturday afternoon:
I seriously need your help. Okay, I am 13 years old and i'm ready to have sex. There's just one problem. I'm scared to shave my vagina. I don't know why but i already don't like shaving that much. I tried it once and it hurt like crap. How should i shave it? PLEASE WRITE BACK TO ME. Thank You. --Scared
Hmm, that "culture of abstinence" really seems to be working!
So how did you reply?
eric at April 17, 2005 9:14 AM
Like the parent she doesn't have:
You're ready to have sex? Really? Ready how, emotionally? Do you know the first thing about protecting yourself from disease or pregnancy?
No word back from the aspiring cooter shaver.
Amy Alkon at April 17, 2005 9:32 AM
I'd be interested in knowing where the she got the idea that women have to shave their vaginas to have sex. Well, let's hope the little shaver eventually gets acquainted with the facts, the very least important of which concerns shaving.
Patrick, The Goddess Fan at April 17, 2005 10:14 AM
It's hard being a kid raised by kids.
Lena at April 17, 2005 11:05 AM
"Oh my G*d",
No, I don't believe in that one anymore, but that's what I'd say if I were.
Amy, I wouldn't be surprised at all if your reply was interpreted as: "Well, that's just what my parents would say. How boring!" Maybe she's not underparented but just plain stoopid.
Just my two cents.
Cheers,
Rainer
P.S.: You want to know where she got the idea, Patrick? Well, my money is on the boyfriend...
Rainer at April 17, 2005 11:30 AM
wow.
Do you normally get questions that are this disturbing/ridiculous?
Little ted at April 17, 2005 11:39 AM
Hey Ted -- This is the tip of the iceberg of ignorance about sexual health in the U.S. Another horrifying gee-whiz fact for you: Many adolescents in this country think that a single condom can be used multiple times and still provide protection. Our failures to educate young people have life & death consequences. I'm ashamed. -- Lena
Lena quietly throws herself off a roof at April 17, 2005 12:06 PM
On a lighter note, shaving your buttcrack is no walk in the park either.
Lena-doodle-doo at April 17, 2005 12:28 PM
All the time, Ted. See blog item directly below this one.
And Rainer, what do you expect me to say, "Get a Brazilian at the nearest strip mall"?
I'm all for sex -- in fact, I think the 20s should be called "the fuck years," and people should realize they're too unformed for serious relationships.
At 13, however, you should be pulling the heads off your Barbies, not worrying about defurring your cooter and working your way up to a threesome.
Amy Alkon at April 17, 2005 12:29 PM
>Many adolescents in this country think that a single condom can be used multiple times and still provide protection
Jesus. That's like eating your own vomit and calling it a second meal.
Little ted at April 17, 2005 12:37 PM
'the 20s should be called "the fuck years"'
My "fuck years" happened not in my 20s, but in my 30s, for 2 main reasons:
1) I was in NYC in my 20s, which was during the 1980s, and everyone was dying of AIDS. I was too depressed to fuck.
2) I was in grad school in my 30s, and THE best way to reduce stress was sex, sex, sex. For 6 years, my head was buried either in a textbook or between someone's legs. Those were the days!
Lena at April 17, 2005 1:04 PM
Jesus Christ, why do kids nowadays think you have to look like a pre-pubescent to have sex? I had a guy tell me "Everyone under 30 shaves nowadays" What ever is wrong with a nice bush!?! It's something adults have.
Diana at April 17, 2005 1:29 PM
Keep it trimmed. This isn't the 70s.
Little ted at April 17, 2005 1:34 PM
For guys, a little strategic trimming around the base of the shaft can miraculously add inches!
Lena at April 17, 2005 1:41 PM
Actually, the bush is back, at least in some quarters. 13-year-olds in the provinces are always the last to know.
Amy Alkon at April 17, 2005 2:09 PM
What is with "This isn't the 70's"? I keep hearing "This isn't a 70's porno film".
All of a sudden, people are supposed to groom their pubes because it's 2000-something?
It's a trend, pal. That's all it is. And don't try to tell me it has anything to do with "hygiene" because we managed to be pretty goddam clean in the hated 70's as well.
Deirdre B. at April 17, 2005 5:25 PM
C'mon, Ted! Defend your right to shaved cooter on demand!
There's nothing cuter than Lena's cooter! at April 17, 2005 9:09 PM
There's nothing more glorious than a huge, puffy bush. If you've got stragglers struggling to meet your thigh foliage, then yeah, trim it. Unless you like that. It ain't got nuthin' to do with the year -- it's a matter of taste. A bald pube looks strangely childish, which seems a little sicky to me, and DANG does it itch a couple of days later! AND it causes raw face.
diana again at April 17, 2005 9:41 PM
P.S. I thought the 70's were great. Nothing like getting stoned and fucking all afternoon.
Thanks for letting me say that.
:)
Diana at April 17, 2005 9:46 PM
"A bald pube looks strangely childish"
Whenever I see a shaved cooter in a photo, it always looks like a cloven hoof to me. And I've never had a desire to play around with the feet of oxen or sheep or goats. Buttholes are just so much more... human.
"There's nothing more glorious than a huge, puffy bush"
... as long as its huge, puffy glory is several hundred feet away.
PS: I didn't lose my virginity until the 80s.
Lena-doodle-doo at April 17, 2005 10:24 PM
Amy, I wasn't criticizing you. In fact, I think your advice to the kid was absolutely correct.
I was just trying to say that she might (!) not be underparented but just willful and stupid. And there's no cure for that one that doesn't come from the inside. Not with all the responsible parents, sensible advice columnists and rational biology teachers in the world.
Maybe I'm wrong, but the kid's letter could be read like this:
"I seriously need your help. Okay, I am 13 years old and I'm ready to operate a flamethrower at home. There's just one problem. I'm scared to ask my parents to buy one for me as they regularly fail to see how smart I am. How could I get one? YOU ARE OBLIGED TO WRITE BACK TO ME AND TELL ME HOW TO PULL THIS OFF BECAUSE I ELECTED YOU 'SURROGATE PARENT OF THE WEEK'. You will never hear from me again, though, if you are just as angry with me as my Dad when I asked him about a cool machine gun the other day. Thank you."
Okay, I admit to being a bit sarcastic about her letter, plus she didn't mention her parents at all, which might be an indicator for "underparented", but again: Yes, you did the right thing, and no, it just might not work for reasons beyond anyone's control except the kid's.
Either way, it's a sad story. Just sad.
But let's hope that I'm wrong and that your reply to her will sink in before the story ends like some lame Blonde joke. ("But Doctor, after all, I did shave properly! How could I ever get pregnant?")
Rainer at April 18, 2005 2:01 AM
>It's a trend, pal. That's all it is. And don't try to tell me it has anything to do with "hygiene" because we managed to be pretty goddam clean in the hated 70's as well.
I'm not knocking the 70s per se. I like the Beegees as much as the next ex-punk rock ex-suburbanite. But I'm thinking that hairy bushes were trendy in the 70s simply because it hadn't occurred to enough people to groom that shit (not necessarily shave).
Hairy bushes will be trendy in the US about the same time as wearing no deodorant or going to sleep at 6 because it's dark make comebacks.
I'm not asking for anyone to do anything I don't feel obligated to do myself, here.
Little ted at April 18, 2005 2:17 AM
If you want to get a really scary idea of what the lack of sex education is doing to our society, check out the pregnancy questions section at wondir.com. I mean, "Can I get pregnant if I do it under water?" wasn't even the saddest one I saw.
And Ted, I don't judge your pubes, so don't judge mine.
Kimberly at April 19, 2005 5:58 PM
-Whenever I see a shaved cooter in a photo, it always looks like a cloven hoof to me.-
I am always reminded of Homer Simpsons jawline.
I agree with Diana- I like a woman to look like woman.
eric at April 19, 2005 6:32 PM
It makes me so happy to create a place where we can all be so bush-focused, yet not be Eve (gag!) Ensler!
Amy Alkon at April 20, 2005 12:18 AM
Could we shift the conversation toward cock now?
Lena at April 20, 2005 11:47 AM
Heh! Lena doodle-doo?
What this e-mail means is that you're stealing Dr. Laura's audience: (whining) "Dear Doctor Laura, my moral dilemma is..."
I think you've been hoaxed by some older schoolboy.
Radwaste at April 21, 2005 5:01 PM
U dont shave your virginia when you have sex i am 13 to ecept i dont want to have it untill im in my 22,s
Kaylee at April 22, 2005 7:18 AM
>And Ted, I don't judge your pubes, so don't judge mine.
Not judging, just offering advice.
Little ted at April 24, 2005 6:35 PM
Mm,ahh. Young girl, eh? Never had anything sexual with a female.But I do think shaved is gross. I wouldnt shave. Looks too...undeveloped. XD. Alas, I have shaved near the rod quite a few times. I found it a bit painful when it grew back. Mmhmm. But 13...Thats very young. I was raped at a very young age, so my pubirty process sky rocketed probably cause o' that. 13 when shave-able hair, and on a female? Wow. Yep...
Enough babbling from me. But note, this question has been ignored for several months!
Woof Wolfie at September 28, 2005 6:37 PM
clean shaved pubes are just boring.. IMHO
carmen21 at May 2, 2008 6:38 AM
actually, there is no hair on the vagina!!!
smart gal at June 22, 2008 10:41 AM
Leave a comment