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A Boy And His Butt-Floss
I've got a bunch of butt-floss-favoring hetero boys and a handful of girls elastic-snapping mad at me for my column on why men shouldn't wear thongs; well, straight hetero men on the make, that is. Sure, there are straight girls who like them. About three of them. On the planet.

The Baja Thong

Here's the Advice Goddess column I just posted on the subject:

Is it really bad for straight men to wear thongs? If women don’t like men in thongs, why do they go see them at strip clubs? I’m not “metrosexual”; I just like wearing a thong because it doesn’t bind around my thighs, bag up, or get all stretched out at the waist. Women wear men's boxers, what's the deal?

--Average Joe

If you really want to know discomfort, bend over on a first date and let a woman see a thong peeking out the back of your Levis. She’ll be out of there faster than you can say “my boyfriend Sven.”

Gregg Homme Atlantis Pouch Thong

Life is not one big equality fest. If a man flashes a woman, she’ll probably call the police. If a woman flashes a man, he’ll probably call Tom Leykis -- the syndicated radio jock who rallies young hotties to hike their shirts for male drivers with their headlights on. There are countless nudie magazines for men, and even a nudie home, the Playboy Mansion. While there is Playgirl magazine for women, there’s no Playgirl Mansion; not even a Playgirl guest house to entertain loyal subscribers -- girls with names like Dirk, Buck, and “The Hairy Pirate.”

Women, for the most part, don’t go to strip clubs to see men in thongs, they go to strip clubs to laugh at men in thongs. Flipping the bird at convention is part of it, but sociologist Beth Montemurro, who watched women watching men strip, said women’s motivation is mostly about “having a shared experience” with their friends; you know, like yesterday’s Tupperware party -- except the headliner isn’t a lady in an apron but a ripped gay guy in a gladiator skirt.

No, women aren’t repressed, just different from men. Men have a more visually based sexuality, so they can get physically aroused from pictures alone -- or just from watching a girl wearing three bandaids and a firehat sliding down a greased pole. Most women, on the other hand, need touch, emotional connection, and bit of back-story. They get turned on looking into the eyes of a fully clothed firefighter -- and grossed out by men in tight pants or Speedos, or those who wrap their package in anything silk, satin, leopard, or thong.

Men's Sexy Stylish Thong

Regarding your comfort complaints, keep in mind that underpants, unlike luggage, do not come with a lifetime guarantee. Toss those that have been with you since junior high. Go to a high-end department store, and ask a salesperson to point you toward full-coverage that fits. You just might do a little better than if you’re grabbing them three-to-a-pack at Rite-Aid.

Sure, there are a few girls who don’t mind or even prefer a man in a thong. Very, very few. Of the 50 or so women I polled this weekend, most said stuff like this:

Nancy: “There is one scenario where this would be okay: He's just had, at the same time, a testicular operation that requires they be strapped tight at all times AND treatment for third-degree burns on his behind, meaning, it cannot be covered in fabric. But, he’d better have some salve and gauze back there!”

Grigioperla Comfort Line G-String Underwear

Kate: “EUWWWWWWW. I can't even go there on how creepy this is. Commando, fine. Boxers, sure. Tighty-whities, if you must. Pouches, thongs, dance belts, G-strings -- not in my lifetime!”

Vinyl G-String Pouch in One Size

The consensus was best summed up by my friend Leah: “Any guy who can tolerate a strand of elastic between his buttocks for long periods of time is not straight. However, he can head straight…to West Hollywood. Don't forget the chaps!”

Comments below. And more comments (soon to come) here, where the column, A Flossed Cause, is posted.

Posted by aalkon at June 7, 2006 11:36 AM

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I am stunned to find myself agreeing with Crid. Or maybe it's the temporary hypoxia, brought on by the kind of laughing fit I haven't had since junior high.

Posted by: That Julia at June 7, 2006 8:02 AM

I actually go with the "tighty blackies" myself. mainly so that is I do get aroused in public( I'm a guy,it happens) things will stay somewhat under control and close to the vest if you will.I've considered duct tape, but the ensuing hairless package look on a hetero male is also suspect I've been told.

Posted by: mbruce at June 7, 2006 9:26 AM

Eurk! I'll stick with *real* dudes.

Posted by: Frog in L.A. at June 7, 2006 11:54 AM

1) bikini wax
2) corsets
3) butt floss
4) 4-inch heels
any playboy loving hetero should be forced to utilize these at least once in his life.

Posted by: myra breckinridge at June 8, 2006 6:14 AM


Posted by: Crid at June 8, 2006 12:09 PM

oh god why?
why post those pics in the middle of the article?

boxer briefs > boxers > tighty whities > banana hammock

Posted by: g*mart at June 9, 2006 1:10 AM

What about "commando", where does that rank on the hierarchy of underpants (or lack thereof)?

Posted by: Julian Morrison at June 10, 2006 3:56 PM

You forgot regimental for those of us that loooove a man in a kilt *drool* like Sean Connery.

Posted by: Kat at June 10, 2006 6:23 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As a former male stripper, the smaller the thong, the more money I made. The more items of clothing I had to take off to get to the thong, the more money I made. Foreplay is female. Repeat after me. Foreplay is female. Put on a show, colors, layers, fucking accessories. Bowry birds and Elvis all had it right in their approach. Thongs are great for that in the right environment.

Why thongs for strippers? The women wanted to know if they were getting the hung guy they paid for. If they did not spring for the $500 nude show, a thong is some of the best advertising you can get for repeat performances. The first thing they ask the operator of the agency is usually, does he have a big thingy? Next time they may pay the extra $200 and see if how big the packed thong really gets! Besides, the elastic around the waist is the best way to collect dollar bills when you are not even paying attention to the girl behind you. Kind of like multiple teller lines at the bank!

I believe gay men like thongs on men for similar reasons. They want to know what they are getting.

Some insider facts:

The absolutely worst party to work was one with women from 18-29. No money and if they had it, they were not used to spending it. They were used to men coming up to them and confused as to how to react to situation around catty friends and family. Each knew it would come to haunt her if she had "too much fun" with the stripper. Parties with one hot girl and the rest regular were hard too. Spend too much time paying attention to the cutie and the money starts drying fast.

Women in their thirties were o.k., but the Moms were the very best shows to do. A lot of money flowing and no one cared if her friend got frisky with the stripper as long as they all got a chance to. Big women tip 20 dollar bills instead of ones. My god, go sit on her lap, smile and ask her if she is having fun and you make a benjamin in under a minute!

Boys, unless you are a professional, leave the thongs alone. Real men go commando when they are not working. It keeps your sperm motile and its how God wanted it anyhow.


Posted by: Neo at August 26, 2006 9:33 AM

I don't understand all the fuss? It seems that women don't realize how uncomfortable boxers and most briefs are. Boxers take up way too much room if you wear clothes that actually fit properly and constantly ride up around your thighs and butt. Mens thongs (quality men's thongs) are a great alternative and can be quite comfortable. Well designed thongs hold the male parts much better than briefs (they hug the testicles better because of the thong strap rather than the extra fabric from briefs allowing them to sit low and most european designs allow the penis to be in the up position, which is more comfortable than stuffing it down against the testicles in fitted underwear) and are great for physical activities. Think about it, a thong is basically a jock strap but a much better design. On a man that is in good physical shape, somewhat rare in the US these days, it can be attractive.

All the thongs shown in this blog are basically junk, I would urge anyone interested in good male underwear to look at quality European companies like HOM or Olaf Benz. There are people who say a thong is like a constant wedgie, couldn't be further from the truth.(I know some women who own and wear nothing but thongs so the "only wear them because of panty line" thing can't be completely true- some or lots of women obviously find them very comfortable, why is it so hard to beleive the same for men?) With good material and design thongs can be very comfortable and in most cases pleasurable due to the abundant nerves in a man's perennium. If it were not for the stifling conservatism, the obesity epidemic, and rampant homophobia in America more men would probably wear thongs. I know there are plenty of women who do or would like men wearing thongs, but in the current social climate it is too difficult or embarrassing for most people to discuss it truthfully.

Posted by: MJ at September 27, 2006 12:57 PM

I've been wearing thongs and strings for years now HOM PLUME are by far the most comfortable, my partner thinks they are much more flattering than boxers or trunks and has even bought me a beach string for our holiday in the Algarve next week!

Posted by: rob at October 1, 2006 4:29 AM

i love to wear thongs and i love the ladies just as much as the next guy. grow up people.just because it may not work for you, dont hate on the guys who it works for.or maybe your package is just to small for a male thong

Posted by: smooth at November 2, 2006 5:16 PM

I think the advice you gave is horrible. I'll never forget when my boyfriend of now 3 years turned to me at the beginning of our amazing relationship, he was absolutely terrified and so vulnerable when he confided to me that he liked to wear womans underwear. Yes, it took me off-guard, but I chose to accept it because it makes him happy and THERE IS NOTHING HARMFUL ABOUT IT. I'm so glad that I made that decision. He is the most sweet, understanding, loving guy I have ever known. And our relationship is not only the healthiest & strongest that I have ever had, but its the healthiest and strongest relationship among everyone I know. Everyone has potentially embarrassing secrets, but most people choose to hide them from everyone else. My wonderful boyfriend chose confess his secret, and I chose to accept and respect it. Life is full of choices, and I hope you all don't miss out on the love of your lives due to your choice to mix up your priorities.

Posted by: Not Missing a Thing at December 31, 2006 1:54 PM

And silly girl, I'm not exactly the enemy of cross-dressers. See here, my column that garnered me about a hundred thank you notes from crossdressers across North America, "Who Wears The Panties In The Family":

Regarding the allegedly "horrible" advice I gave here...oh, please. Whatever happened to the ability to reason? I presented the facts here, and you call that "bad advice"? Either you can't read or don't read...or just didn't read what I wrote.

What I'm saying is, if you're a hetero guy on the make, it's ill-advised to wear a thong, as heterosexual women tend to think a man who does is gay or just unappealing.

I didn't invent this sort of thinking -- I'm merely reporting the facts. Whether a man decides to try to buck the odds, and hope he'll get a woman who won't think ill of him for wearing a thong, is up to him.

FYI, I have a number of friends who are cross-dressers, and one of my friends is married to a man I adore, whom she refers to as "My trannie wife Jenn." Again, read my column on crossdressing before you bash me, and read this column with your brain screwed in place.

I'm so sick of writing back to people who made up their minds before or without ever actually taking in what I took a lot of trouble to think out and write.

In short, you bug me.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at December 31, 2006 4:41 PM

You gals do not have a market on thongs.They wear quite nicely if you have a nice butt and they are so comfortable too.The "butt floss" mentality for guys is childish.I'm 52 and they fit me nicely and my girl has not complained so why the fuss?

Posted by: Tom at January 29, 2007 5:06 PM

I am a male, I've never wore a thong before, but I've ordered one to try out for some sunbathing on my terrace, the pic's in your article doesn't seem to represent the more comfy looking ones I've seen (but not tried yet), like those of HOM (except for the Grigioperla Comfort Line G-String that is pictured). You mostly pictured ones that you would find in a sexshop. Not that is anything wrong with that, but I think it does add to the eeeewww factor for women.

Posted by: GB at April 10, 2007 12:50 PM

All of you men wearing those thongs are sexy as hell!! i wish i could brake up with my boyfriend and go out with you guys but i'm only 16.

Posted by: Gina at April 24, 2007 7:46 PM

Gina appears to actually be a middle-aged man!

Posted by: Amy Alkon at April 25, 2007 6:32 AM

It's sad when women (whether they be pretty, beautiful or obease) talk trash about men's thongs when so many of those women use dildos, penis straps and do each other. Ya think they could find a hetero guy to do it with. Maybe, straight men could find women to do it with too. Nah... stright guys use those fake vaginas, because they never have to listen to lesbo women complain about men's thongs. I can see Amy and her "guy" friends doing each other. Yah... looks pretty feminine to me, boxers shorts and panties. Like milk and soggy cereal together forever.

Posted by: Recondo at May 3, 2007 11:29 PM

Even the best hair do and make up can't make someone's nose look better than a man feeling comfortable wearing a men's thong. Young men who have been brought up to think like their conservative moms would do well to think on their own and not listen to mommy dearest fowning on thongs. Actually, Amy and all the other women she knows on this planet most likely hen peck their spouse, meaning they control the relationship and dictate what men should wear. Perhaps they even dress their men, like when they played with dolls as young girls. Wow! Bet Amy even goes to the store and purchases clothes for her male partner, that is, if she even has one. If she says he's straight and he enjoys her dressing him up, he's gay. Straight men dress and purchase clothing for themself, it's what makes us different than women like Amy Alkon.

Posted by: Recondo at May 3, 2007 11:46 PM

If straight men buy thongs for themselves, they're likely to find themselves home whining on my website about fake vaginas instead of out with straight women.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 3, 2007 11:50 PM

Amy Alkon appears to actually be mommy dearest, mommy knows best and say false things about other writer's gender. I would guess she thinks she's beautiful compared to all those other women on this planet or just better looking than the three girls she mentioned at the beginning of her open minded article. Hell, Amy took a poll from only people who indicated to her first, that they opposed men wearing men's thongs. Now that isn't one sided and in closed minds that's not one way either. I'm a straight male, who has had sex in my twenties with at least forty healthy women. Women, who took care of their bodies and minds. None of them ever opposed my wearing 'men's' thongs. I'm in my fifties, I have an excellent physique, married for eighteen years and still going strong (Army Strong). I excersize in my thongs, it's the same as wearing a jock strap only it doesn't leave two cheek marks on my butt. As for the homophobic men/women out there... look at yourselves before looking at other people, judging other people. Deep down inside yourselves, you know you touched yourself, felt yourself, so don't even point/write negative articles about something you can't even feel free to honestly discuss about. When you can love yourself first, maybe then you would be able to love other people.

Posted by: Recondo at May 4, 2007 12:12 AM

Amy... you're about as straight as a fifth teat on a dairy cow. Useless. Fake vaginas are as much fun as you responsing negatively to your readers commenting on your idiotic article, a waste of energy, but not to you, because you are currently reading them as fast as I can write back to you. So, it is you who has a personal problem with straight males wearing 'men's' thongs. Maybe, you aren't a women after all.

Posted by: Recondo at May 4, 2007 12:22 AM

I wouldn't be interested in a man who wears a thong, but if other women are, that's fine with me. What I seek to do in my column is tell the truth; and the truth is, heterosexual women, in large part, are turned off by overt sexual display in men...for example, thong wearing.

What's pretty amazing to me is how all the thong-wearing men who have posted these deeply bitter comments here (and FYI, I don't have a problem in the world with lesbians, but I'm not a lesbian)...instead of just saying, okay, some chicks won't like it if I wear this, but I think I'll wear it anyway, or thanks for the info, maybe I'll moderate my thong wearing because it might affect my ability to get chicks.

I have yet to see a group of such whiny babies posting on any other question on my site, or in all my years as an advice columnist.

Furthermore, I only polled women for fun and because I thought men might be interested in examples of how women think on this. I read numerous journal articles every month, and I go to anthropology and evolutionary psychology conferences, and I know my stuff when it comes to sexual display in men and how women feel about it.

The fact that you have to spew about fake vaginas and speculate that I'm a lesbian suggests you have real issues connected to your thong wearing. Otherwise, why get so indignant?

An example: I'm an atheist. People who believe, without evidence, that there's a big imaginary friend in the sky will sometimes tell me I'm going to hell. I think they're idiots, but I don't accuse them of being gay (of course, I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay -- clearly, you're small-minded enough to find it an insult); nor do I go on about strap-ons and fake vaginas.

Maybe, you aren't a women after all.

Maybe you're an eighth grader? You'll find examples of intelligent arguments on my blog. Joe and Crid, for example. Try to follow their example.

Finally: Check into the homophobia you show, dude. It's ugly.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at May 4, 2007 12:54 AM