George Carlin On Novel-Writing
Elmore says "Never open a book with the weather," and once told readers it was raining simply by having a character look up at the sky and yell "FUCK!"
Carlin continues on the theme. From his book Brain Droppings
Every book you read, if there's an outdoor scene, an open window, or even a door slightly ajar, the writer has to say, "As Bo and Velma walked along the shore, the clouds hung ponderously on the horizon like steel-gray, loosely formed gorilla turds." I'm not interested. Skip the clouds and get to the fucking. The only story I know of where clouds were important was Noah's Ark.
Comments
It rained all day yesterday here at Tampa Bay.
Posted by: Patrick at July 2, 2009 1:39 AM
Yeah, a writer has to give specific details to create scenes the reader can "see," but they have to be the *right* details--ones necessary to understand what's going on. Carlin's remark about Noah's Ark is spot on. Faulkner's *As I Lay Dying* is all about the consequences of a flood on a funeral procession, and I don't recall any descriptions of the clouds.
I used to advise my writing students to visualize a scene as fully as possible and then depict it the way a Chinese painter does: pick out the details that serve as an index to the whole and depict them with just a few brush strokes.
Posted by: Axman at July 2, 2009 7:24 AM
Excellent Carlin quote. And yeah, Elmore's greatest strength, after his terrific dialogue, is the spareness of his writing.
Posted by: kishke at July 2, 2009 7:39 AM
Meant to say, I finally watched Blackbird (on a plane ride last week). It wasn't bad, and I liked the acting, but they sort of reamed out the story for no good reason I could see. Didn't do justice to the book.
Posted by: kishke at July 2, 2009 7:41 AM
"Never open a book with the weather"
Some writers can get away with it. Here's the 5th century Sanskrit poet Kalidasa on the approach of the monsoon:
"The clouds advance like rutting elephants, enormous and full of rain.
They come forward as kings among tumultuous armies.
Their flags are lightning, the thunder is their drum..."
He could have said "monsoon is coming", but I don't think that would have been remembered after 1600 years.
Posted by: Martin at July 2, 2009 8:54 AM
Never open a book with the weather
I adore Elmore Leonard...but:
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."
George Orwell, "1984", first sentence!
Posted by: Jody Tresidder at July 2, 2009 9:22 AM
Elmore doesn't say his rules are for everyone -- but generally, Carlin and Elmore are right. One rule I've quoted sometimes below my column when I've broken some grammar rule on purpose: "If proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go." In my 20s, I used big words and really great grammar. Now, I'm happiest if my column reads at a 7th-grade level, and any dialogue bits are really real.
Posted by: Amy Alkon 
at July 2, 2009 9:29 AM
George looked out the window. "FUCK!" he yelled at the looming mushroom cloud.
Posted by: Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at July 2, 2009 12:23 PM
The fucking was at the center of Noah's Ark as well.
Posted by: jerry at July 3, 2009 12:42 AM
i like even better - in the non-romance books, i don't read those - the physical description of the characters. why do i care if the lawyer has shiny, flowing auburn hair with just a touch of blonde? or how big her boobs are? a brief description, ok, i can deal with that although it's much more fun for me to picture them as ugly as i am. but two paragraphs?
Posted by: me at July 3, 2009 2:37 AM
i like even better - in the non-romance books, i don't read those - the physical description of the characters. why do i care if the lawyer has shiny, flowing auburn hair with just a touch of blonde? or how big her boobs are?
I take it your not a guy?
Posted by: lujlp at July 3, 2009 8:31 AM
