A few years ago I went to a dude ranch with my kids and met a single dad there. We talked and because we were both single ended up spending a lot of our weekend together. He told me that he was on JDate but hadn't had much success. He knew that I wasn't Jewish but pursued me in a very agressive way after the vacation knowing I was not Jewish and that I had no intention on converting.

I knew JDate from other friends and knew that the Jewish part was important to them so it always made me wonder why he pursued me so aggressively yet still was on a site like JDate. For the record, my other Jewish friends on JDate would like to meet and marry a fellow Jew, but just want to meet someone.

Disclaimer: I'm a 59-year-old divorced guy who keeps kosher, goes to an Orthodox shul (temple) every Shabbat, and learns Talmud every week. So I'm not the target audience for *any* online dating site. Nevertheless I did try the two biggest Jewish sites.

My experience was that I'm too Jewish for Jdate and not frum (Orthodox) enough for Frumster.

Jokes aside -- when I signed up for Jdate a few years ago, the first person the site "recommended" to me was my ex-wife. I actually thought that was an impressive result.

I found Jdate had

* ethnic Jews ("Yeah, my parents are Jewish, so I guess I am")

* cultural Jews ("Of /course/ I read the Sunday New York Times!")

* gastronomic Jews ("Chicken soup with matzoh balls? Yummy!")

* and cardiac Jews ("I don't keep kosher or go to synagogue, but in my heart I'm Jewish")

But Jews who actually want to be Jewish? Not so much.

I've signed up with an online "dating" service for older men.

It's called Carbon-14. Kinda weird, the questionnaire is all about chemistry and physics....

"180 women seeking men" translates to "180 golddiggers seeking Jewish bankers and lawyers," doesn't it?

The only person I knew who was on J Date was an attractive practicing Jewish gal who met an attractive practicing Jewish Airforce pilot and they ended up getting married and have a couple of kids now. Most of the people I know who are "ethnic but not practicing" Jews are with non-jewish significant others, and they (as couples) are non-religous.

Interesting. As a non-Jew, I've known several Jewish women quite well, and even dated a couple of them. If they aren't religious, they are willing to date non-Jewish guys, and even have reasonably serious relationships. However, when they hit their 30s and wanted to settle down, all the Jewish women I know married Jewish.

YMMV, of course, but there seems to be a pretty strong cultural imperative, even amongst the non-practicing Jews...

The reason that non-jewish women are on jdate is because of stereotypes about jewish men - e.g. money, education.

However, when they hit their 30s and wanted to settle down, all the Jewish women I know married Jewish.

This has been my experience as well. A friend of mine (agnostic) just got dumped after a 3-year relationship. His GF (Jewish but not religious) had always said religion didn't matter, they could raise their kids in a mixed household incorporating both their families' holiday traditions, etc, etc.

But, when it came down to it and they seriously started discussing marriage (both are late 20s), she found that she really truly wanted to be with a Jewish guy. Which is her prerogative (and it's a good thing she figured it out BEFORE marriage) -- but my friend sure wishes she'd figured that out a bit sooner. :/

I could list of a dozen more experiences (including my own) that illustrate a_random_guy's point. And these experiences have more than convinced me that it would be counter-productive for "willing to convert" or "not sure" or "not willing to convert" types to sign up for JDate -- or any dating site geared at a religion/culture/orientation they're not part of.

"Really? So why are non-Jewish men there?"
Husband claims Jewish girls have nice boobs.

If I were single, I wouldn't join Christian dating sites, even though I do go to church sometimes... I associate those with people who define themselves through their religous affiliation. I don't want to go on dates and talk about Jesus or Salvation or worry about accidentally saying "Oh, God!" in front of someone- and that's what I imagine I'd get if I were on one of those sites. I could be wrong, but I'm not going to find out, either way. Really, I have no idea why someone would be on a religiously-affiliated dating site if they weren't members of that particular faith, unless they had some type of (positive) stereotype in their heads about members of said relion.

Also, I've observed the same phenomenon as sofar- people who are- for lack of a better word- casually Jewish, who date non-Jews long-term but would never consider marrying one (unless they converted.)

They may start out with good intentions, but some or even many (probably many) come to the point your friend's GF did.

A college friend of mine broke a few hearts that way. But he knew he was never going to marry a non-Jewish woman. Gentiles were for dating, Jews were for marrying. I think he's still single. I lost touch with him.

In general, I'm a fan of online dating. But I think online dating is a poor term for it. The dating happens in real life. It's just a way to meet more people.

But he knew he was never going to marry a non-Jewish woman. Gentiles were for dating, Jews were for marrying.

I've noticed that too. My college had a huge Jewish community -- and my friends and I would end up on dates with dudes who would outright say, "I will NEVER marry someone who isn't Jewish." And we were so confused as to why they'd asked us out in the first place. And it's not unique to Jewish people -- I've noticed a similar pattern among Indian Hindus as well.

Some dating sites pool their database. When I was single, I was often contacted by guys who found me via Jdate, even though I didn't sign up for it. They were disappointed when they found out I was not Jewish.

Sure why not? It takes all kinds. Some people on there are Frum looking for a woman to have 10 kids with. Some are people who are looking for people who are Jewish. Some grew up in a neighborhood full of Jews or have lots of friends who are Jews or who have always felt more comfortable with Jews. There are non-Jews there for whatever reasons.

As long as you are upfront about your Jewish status, nothing wrong with joining and seeing what happens.

I met my husband on J-Date--we're both Jewish. I joined, not because I'm religious, but with these huge dating sites, at least we had something in common to start off with. When non-Jewish guys contacted me, they almost always started off with how attracted they were to Jewish women and how they were willing to convert--and I always found it a turn-off.

My brother who is Catholic married a Jewish girl. Her parents loved my brother but hoped that they would raise their kids as Jews. They raised their kids celebrating both holidays but not with really any religious teachings.

My ex-husband was raised by a Jewish mom and Catholic dad. The kids were raised as Catholics which is highly unusual. Jewish people don't identify as Jews just as a religion. It became a problem when I had kids because my mother-in-law had regrets about not raising her kids as Jews and wanted me to make up for it.

Usually though the Jewish friends I had felt like what sofar wrote. Gentiles are for dating. Jews are for marrying. At least, that seemed to be more the norm than what my brother and I experienced.

I know some Mormons date like crazy then look to another Mormon when they are ready to marry and have their quota of kids.

Maybe some of them really want to be Jews? And hope to kill two birds with one stone by finding a Jewish partner and compelling their own conversion?

In high school I sang in a church choir with a girl from a very Catholic family. Her father was the choir director and also my CCD (Catholic Sunday school) teacher. In class he spoke about how he'd been a faithful Protestant before "discovering the true faith" of Catholicism and converting. He and his wife had 10 kids. He was a bit of a musical mentor to me, and we kept in touch some after I went to college.

Once, in his family's yearly Christmas letter, I saw photos of his daughter with a head covering, a man who was clearly her husband wearing what looked like Orthodox Jewish attire, and a baby girl. I emailed and congratulated him on the new grandchild without asking questions. He wrote a pained response that yes, his daughter had converted and married into Orthodox Judaism, they were trying to "welcome" her husband but relations were strained, and they still prayed she'd "return to the Faith."

I wonder if she used JDate! But seriously, it's always saddened me how religious traditions divide people, particularly with regard to marriage. I respect everyone's right to believe and have their own beloved traditions, but even as a kid I couldn't reconcile the fact that every single religion claims it is the only true one. So I just stopped being religious.

I'd suggest one more item for the list...

Might be willing to convert if you're really hot.

I have a question for my column about this -- about whether it's okay for non-Jews to go on JDate -- and started looking up profiles there. . . . P.S. If you aren't gay, I wouldn't suggest going on GayDate.

I've never thought about trying JDate since I presume the vast majority of women on it would want to meet a Jewish guy, but it sure seems like it's okay for non-Jews to be on the site if they have categories like "Not sure if I'm willing to convert" and "Not willing to convert."

I'm curious Amy, why would you recommend not going on GayDate if you aren't gay? I mean, that makes sense if you're straight and looking for another straight person but if you're (basically) straight, or bi, and looking to just have sex with someone of the same sex, I'd think you'd find quite a few interested people there.

merl: The reason that non-jewish women are on jdate is because of stereotypes about jewish men - e.g. money, education.

Amy: Really? So why are non-Jewish men there?

Well, since men don't put a premium on status, success and money with women the way women tend to do with men, it's probably not because the non-Jewish men are looking for high-status, very successful and wealthy Jewish women. Most likely it's because they find Jewish women attractive and/or they like their intelligence, sense of humor or other qualities.

I'm with Crid... unfortunately for the C-14 site, I don't have a very good half-life...

I was thinkin' I'd be willing to convert if I found a nice girl to have a religious experience with, but that'd make me shallow, wouldn't it? :evil?:

Really, I think of online dating as 'online-database' because the sad fact can often be that you simply don't know enough eligible people. Especially once you hit the middle of your life, if you don't have/no longer have a mate, the environment isn't exactly target rich... so the online-database makes the environment much larger, at least in theory.

As far as finding someone within your religious faith, I did that... and discovered that she hated that faith a lot, and would never speak of it. AFTER we got married. When we were dating, she had no problem going with me to church or events, so the warning sign wasn't there... and finding somebody 'of your faith' may or may not work out. It is not a certainty of trust.

> that'd make me shallow, wouldn't it? :evil?:

Commanding tail has probably brought more men to the pew than faith.

My step-son and his wife are Messianic Jews, I guess that counts as 'another stream of Judaism'. He converted after meeting her and they go to synagog every Friday and Saturday. They keep kosher and celebrate all Jewish holidays and are raising their children as Jews. The trouble is that other Jews do not accept them because Messianic Jews believe that Yeshua (Jesus) is the Messiah.

as a South Indian man I've long considered creating a jdate profile. Jews and Hindu Brahmins share too many cultural similarities to name, and I feel a Jewish partner would fit into my family very well