Answering My Question: Is There Anyone In the Modern World Who Doesn't Understand How Advice Columns Work?
Apparently, yes. This person in Nevada:
The truth is, I get a large volume of mail, try to answer all of it (although sometimes a little later than I'd like), and most of the questions I answer will never make it into my column.
How is someone THAT stupid literate enough to broadcast their stupidity in writing??!?!?!
Robert at June 25, 2012 12:54 AM
I've had many personal convos with Amy that have never been published and she's always taken the time to answer my emails (and does it quickly too!).
She also sent me lovely emails when my relative was murdered by a drug cartel. (His decapitation was filmed and distributed to our family by cartel).
Purplepen at June 25, 2012 12:55 AM
At least the letter is structured as well as not having any threats on your life.
Andrew Hall at June 25, 2012 3:04 AM
Absolute idiocy. I'd wager this person looks with awe at the way a button fits through a button hole, then smiles secretively and smugly before sending off a letter to garment manufacturers telling them that...oh something like this:
"I've figured you out, I know you secretly use buttons as unnecessary decorations to artificially inflate the price of clothing, AND that you charge more for it than it costs you to make, (also called stealing!) and as soon as I figure out how to broadcast that, I'm gonna, and I think I know how!"
If my eyes rolled farther, they'd roll right out of my head.
Robert at June 25, 2012 3:36 AM
Sure, you gave me chicken nuggets and a Coke, but you took my money! That's stealing, and I'm gonna tell everybody!
At least the handwriting was reasonably legible.
Old RPM Daddy at June 25, 2012 4:34 AM
What are you supposed to be stealing? Their problems? If people wrote you with solutions (and you do give your commenter-makers here credit when you quote them), then maybe he'd have a point, but...
WHO in their right mind would want to steal somebody's problems??
Gee, I don't have enough problems. I think I'll go "borrow" Joe's!
Or maybe I'm missing something?
Shannon M. Howell at June 25, 2012 4:35 AM
That is hysterical! Obviously a pissed off TSA agent!
Please Amy steal some of my problems and make them go away! Sorry, I just think this letter is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. And please give some credit. Who hand writes anymore?
Kristen at June 25, 2012 4:47 AM
"Signed, Unsigned" Wow. Can you say "coward"? I know you can!
o.O
Flynne at June 25, 2012 5:09 AM
This practice needs to be encouraged. The Post Office needs the business.
MarkD at June 25, 2012 5:14 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243706">comment from KristenThe craziest mail I get is hand-written.
This week, however, I have gotten a couple of email from women who told me I was "racist and sexist" to publish a response to a letter from a woman who was obsessed with her male best friend -- a guy who likes Filipina women half his age (he's about 40 and so is she, and she is not Filipina). I of course told her she needed to give up and move on, but merely publishing this letter was a horrible act, according to these people.
Actually, here's the email from one of them:
I wrote back:
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 5:39 AM
Methinks the writer is putting you on.
Ron at June 25, 2012 6:02 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243729">comment from RonMethinks the writer is putting you on.
Nuh-uh, Ron. Read again. This person is dead-serious. (Only people who are take the time to write and mail hand-written anonymous accusatory notes.)
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 6:10 AM
Notebook paper: that's the big clue. This was written by a kid who does NOT "get it." That would also explain the "see ya . . . be ya."
Walter Moore at June 25, 2012 6:25 AM
I'm surprised the letter wasn't written in crayon. Sharp objects and all.....
alittlesense at June 25, 2012 6:37 AM
I would bet money that this isn't a kid. "See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!" isn't part of the Millenial vernacular. I think notebook paper suggests this ISN'T a kid. I think a kid would print a document. Also, I think this was penned by someone who is used to formatting a handwritten letter--i.e., not a kid. And today's kids know it's easy to broadcast anything.
Just hunches. It /could/ be a kid...
Insufficient Poison at June 25, 2012 6:43 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243760">comment from Insufficient PoisonPeople under 30 tend to write me on their smartphones, with all the irritating as fuck abbreviations.
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 6:53 AM
I agree it is likely not a younger person. That "see ya-" bit was old when I was a kid, and I'm 31.
Also, the actual writing itself looks "older" to me. I know that sounds weird, but very few people I've seen who are my age or younger have that sort of font for their writing... or any sort of consistent font (too much typing, very little writing makes for less well-developed writing). Also, and this is just a hunch, I'm not a handwriting expert or anything, but the loopy-ness of the text (and the cattiness of "signed, unsigned") make me think this is a woman.
I could be wrong, but that's my experience.
Shannon M. Howell at June 25, 2012 7:17 AM
working in a customer relations environment, I see a lot of this, and on occasion have had the pleasure of a follow-up phone call to confirm the trainwreck. Self-righteous and delusional typically sum it up. There's usually a sense of being somehow wronged by society and a need to point out the faults of others to make themselves feel better that drives these types (from my amateur psych. limited opinion). And while they usually pose no danger, they become gnats that will hound you relentlessly until you acknowledge they are somehow correct. Only their perceived victory tends to make them fade away.
/2¢
Peter at June 25, 2012 7:47 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243795">comment from Shannon M. HowellTend to agree with you, Shannon.
Also, because I type almost everything, I find it very hard to write and make my penmanship clear. I'm just too impatient that it takes so long -- though I make the effort to make it readable. I've started sending out typewritten thank you letters to people like the LA Time Festival of Books organizers. I got my agent through a connection that was made for me in the green room there, and I wanted to thank the organizers for all the festival does for me and book-writing and reading Los Angeles - and also for some advice about publishing that the woman in charge of the Festival gave me at an Elmore Leonard event she put on for the LA Times. When I have to say that much, I type it so the person doesn't have to struggle to read it.
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 7:48 AM
> decapitation was filmed and distributed
> to our family
Dayum. Condolences, Angel Purp.
Every year I grow a little more ashamed of my 1970's indulgences, and the mentality of self-righteousness in which I pursued them. I can imagine 2the sound of my own idiot teenage voice, were I to be interrogated about them by a clear thinker: Hey, Man, it's not MY fault if __________ ....
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at June 25, 2012 8:08 AM
> The craziest mail I get is hand-written.
The penmanship is kind of attractive, it's the thoughts that are wacky. Like he asked his smartest friend to write it out and mail it.
From outside the prison, maybe.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at June 25, 2012 8:09 AM
I also think this is a joke. And I'm 41 and don't feel limited to Valley speak.
You really don't think that someone who is going to dash off a joke letter is capable of throwing in a phrase like see ya, wouldn't want to be ya?
And the whole handwritten=serious and crazy? Really? That tends to be schizophrenic manifestos, which this hardly is.
I'll bet the letter writer is laughing his/her ass off right now that you are analyzing this thing to death.
Comedy gold, Amy. :)
deathbysnoosnoo at June 25, 2012 8:46 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243856">comment from deathbysnoosnooDeathbysnoosnoo, for anyone who doesn't know, has some strange little grudge against me -- as of about a month ago. Was disgusted that I mention my dead friend Cathy Seipp, Cathy Seipp, Cathy Seipp too often.
I get letters and email from strangers every day. I'm pretty good at assessing whether people are serious or not. "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya" fits in perfectly with a person who is (rather like you!) seriously upset with me and wants to put in a little sneer at the end.
PS Snoosnoo, if you are upset about what I post, and find me such an idiot, here's a suggestion: Read elsewhere!
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 9:00 AM
"Every year I grow a little more ashamed of my 1970's indulgences, and the mentality of self-righteousness in which I pursued them."
I'd be more worried about people who weren't ashamed, or at least a little embarrassed.
Old RPM Daddy at June 25, 2012 9:09 AM
Jealousy is so ugly, snoosnoo.
Hey! Did YOU write the letter??
o.O
(for someone who doesn't like what Amy posts here, on her own blog, you sure do seem to be concerned about what she posts here!)
Flynne at June 25, 2012 9:40 AM
Oh, Flynne, you beat me to it in thinking DBSS wrote the note :)
MsMarg at June 25, 2012 11:08 AM
Please keep mentioning Cathy Seipp Amy. I used to read her online and found her to be enchanting. I would have loved to have met her. Keeping her memory vital is a wonderful thing. Good on you for continuing to write about her.
BlogDog at June 25, 2012 11:13 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3243950">comment from BlogDogThanks so much, Blogdog. I've been reading really fascinating stuff about grief and mourning for the column I'm working on for this week. Some of the good (evidence-based) people on it are Randy Nesse, Wortman and Bonnano. Anyway, some people, when somebody they care about dies, manage that by shutting them and their memory away. For me, I feel I keep the person around by mentioning them and thinking about them (and keeping things of theirs -- though I'm generally highly unsentimental, especially about objects). Also, when I have respect for the person's life and thinking, as I did for Cathy Seipp's, it means something to keep those alive.
In short, if I'm your friend and you die, I'll still be your friend and try to look out for your interests!
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 11:29 AM
Re: being accused of discrimination for pointing out that people (shock!) differ!
I teach middle school and if ever a racial identification (except "White", of course) comes up (e.g. saying a writer is Black) the speaker is accused of being racist! I point out that it is not bad to be Black, or Asian or Mexican for that matter, and the person shouting "Racist!" is the bigot because s/he assumes that being Black is somehow a criticism. Race is what it is, and cannot and should not be ignored because one's race and nationality are part of one's personal identity.
If I said the author was French, would I be prejudiced? Mais non! Because it is good to be French, right? If I say the author is Mexican, everyone gets their hackles up! What’s the dif?
The Millennials are closet racists who never talk about race because they think they are not allowed to mention it out loud - as if race were an embarrassing personal problem like dandruff or halitosis.
Older generations think that, because they don't talk about it, it isn't a big deal for the Millennials that it used to be for their parents. Feh! Nonsense. It has become the elephant in the room papered over by political correctness.
Jess at June 25, 2012 1:14 PM
The LW just now figured out that people write to advice columnists? Seriously? Oh, the self-referential irony!
Cousin Dave at June 25, 2012 1:58 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3244092">comment from JessIf I said the author was French, would I be prejudiced? Mais non! Because it is good to be French, right?
The LA Times, when I wrote about my car thief, wouldn't let me say he is Latino. He IS Latino. I don't hate Latinos -- far from it. It's just a way of describing somebody.
We get closet racists when we aren't allowed to discuss things. Racism or whateverism is best dealt with openly. There have been a few times in my life I've had somebody in my presence say, "Jew him down." I then say something.
An adult in my family once used the word "schvartze" in talking about a black person. Being me, even as a kid, I piped up: "How would you like it if all the black people sat around their family dinner and said, "Oh, those kikes, the Alkons..."
What's exposed can be discussed. What's buried doesn't go away -- it just can't be dealt with in a healthy way.
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 2:01 PM
Oh, my God! So, that's your little secret, Amy? You get people to write you, so you can answer their letters in your column???
How sneaky! How underhanded! How diabolical, you evil shrew!
You're just so terrible, Amy, that you make Joan Collins look like Shirley Temple! So there!
Patrick at June 25, 2012 2:02 PM
This guy's onto something. This theivery is all around us.
Click and Clack!
Ann Landers!
Miss Manners!? Nooooo! Not Miss Manners!
Well, my innocence is lost. I'll never read an advice column the same way again.
Conan the Grammarian at June 25, 2012 2:35 PM
Conan, don't forget about Penthouse Forum... oh wait...
Cousin Dave at June 25, 2012 6:40 PM
I just found out about this one caller to our support desk today. She had been working with one of our techs for a few hours setting up systems and such. The conversation went something like this:
Caller: Are you white?
Tech: No, I'm a 300 pound black guy.
Caller: Well you sound very white.
Our tech didn't say anything in reply, got off the phone, told his lead about the conversation and then went outside and laughed his ass off for about 10 minutes.
We got a call today from the same person. She was complaining that the printers still were not working. She said she had worked with both Brian (the lead) and the black guy and was still having problems.
What she didn't realize, was she was talking to a black female tech. We all had a laugh over it.
Jim P. at June 25, 2012 6:57 PM
Actually it is, or used to be, Madame Xavier. The rest of the Forum was generally nothing but letters.
Jim P. at June 25, 2012 6:59 PM
Jim P,
When I was working as a statistician, I got a call for somebody who'd had my number ages before. That person was in charge of press/PR stuff. After I found a couple likely numbers for the new office the conversation went like this:
Caller: Are you sure you don't have the information?
Me: No. I'm afraid I'm in the statistics group. I don't get the press information.
Caller: I have trouble believing that.
Me: Why is that?
Caller: Your language skills are too high for a numbers person.
So, apparently I sound too verbal to be a numbers person? Assumptions come in all shapes and sizes.
Shannon M. Howell at June 25, 2012 7:32 PM
Next time I ground the kid, as I close the bedroom door, I am so saying, "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya."
elementary at June 25, 2012 10:12 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3244513">comment from elementaryI love it because it's so snottily immature.
Amy Alkon at June 25, 2012 10:23 PM
It's the scare quotes in "Dear" Amy that really start the letter off right.
dee nile at June 26, 2012 3:30 AM
@Miss Alkon: "There have been a few times in my life I've had somebody in my presence say, "Jew him down." I then say something."
I've only ever heard that phrase once, from a landlady we had back in college. She was complaining about a couple of tenants, Arabs as she described them. "They Jewed me down to [whatever it was] a month, and then paid me in cash for the whole year!"
I always thought "Arabs Jewing her down" was kind of an odd juxtaposition.
Old RPM Daddy at June 26, 2012 4:54 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3244756">comment from dee nileIt's the scare quotes in "Dear" Amy that really start the letter off right.
Loved that. Wrote in I See Rude People about somebody who wrote me a "Dear Bitch" letter. (My suggestion: If you're going to refer to me as "Bitch," maybe drop the "Dear.")
Amy Alkon at June 26, 2012 5:19 AM
See, you could avoid this sort of thing by simply insisting on submissions in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper... wait.
Radwaste at June 26, 2012 12:38 PM
"Dearest" Amy,
I see what you're doing. You're getting us to write in with comments on your story and then using them to further the story. I am soooo on to you! You'll be exposed as soon as I figure out how to copy and paste.
Unknown
BigBoy at June 26, 2012 1:34 PM
Letterwriter wasted too many words. All that needed to be written was this:
"Dear" Amy -
I've got a problem.
prawn toe at June 26, 2012 3:20 PM
"jew him down" is a perfectly good comment and every one knows exactly what you mean when you say it. Lighten up, people....
Fred Thompson at June 26, 2012 3:27 PM
Fred, I had never heard that phrase until I read it here. Maybe I just don't know people who talk in ethnic stereotypes. Or maybe I have selective hearing. Either way, I can tell you that NOT, "every one knows exactly what you mean when you say it."
Oh, and please don't explain it to me. I don't want to know.
Shannon M. Howell at June 27, 2012 12:54 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/06/25/answering_my_qu.html#comment-3246356">comment from Shannon M. Howell"Jew him down" is never acceptable to say unless you're a comedian and it's part of your act. And I rarely say never.
Amy Alkon at June 27, 2012 1:10 PM
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