How To Use A Telephone In 2014
From "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," which I hope you'll buy. It's less than $10 at both Barnes & Noble and Amazon. (P.S. Buying a new copy supports the author.)
There are exceptions -- like if you're in a profession where people expect and want your call, like if they need the test results on their pancreas.
But otherwise, unless you know someone likes to be called, not calling should be the default. We have a whole lot of methods of communication that don't demand a person's instant attention to whatever you want. Use them.
>>unless you know someone likes to be called,
How would I know? If you give me your number, you had best make your preferences clear.
Matt at September 17, 2014 8:47 AM
Under 40 crowd preference is texting. Go with that one first.
gooseegg at September 17, 2014 9:04 AM
We have a whole lot of methods of communication that don't demand a person's instant attention to whatever you want.
One of these is a phone equipped with vibrate mode and voicemail. If you insist on answering your phone every time it rings, that's on you, not the caller.
Rex Little at September 17, 2014 9:42 AM
It's a matter of perspective. If somebody calls and I don't feel like picking up the phone (or am in a position in which I can't, like when I'm driving), I'll send it to voice mail. But I don't think it's rude for someone to try to call me out of the blue.
However, if I'm visiting with a friend and their cell phone rings, I actually consider it rude of the caller for interrupting our conversation, even though they have no idea the person they're calling is occupied. Bravo if my friend sends it to voice mail.
Fayd at September 17, 2014 9:51 AM
And from a mom perspective who has teens - don't call one unless your hair is on fire and you need that person specifically to put it out. A phone call to a teenager is met with shock, disbelief, outrage, and fear. They will suspiciously check voicemail if one is left. If they are forced into an actual conversation, they will complain bitterly for an hour afterwards. You have been warned.
gooseegg at September 17, 2014 10:20 AM
What, under 40? I'm over 50, and I immensely prefer something like an SMS or an email. I detest phone calls.
Firstly, because they interrupt whatever I'm doing. If I don't pick up, then the caller inevitably expects me to call them back, which is no better.
Secondly, with ambient noise on both ends when people call while doing other stuff, I often find it difficult to understand the other person. Maybe that has to do with 50 year old ears, but that doesn't make it any less a problem.
a_random_guy at September 17, 2014 10:32 AM
Agreed. When my office phone rings, it's either someone in the building, or a complete stranger.
My email (work and personal) are as public as can be, and people know I prefer to use them over answering a phone.
The amount of time I spend dealing with "You have... EIGHT... new messages" drives me crazy. Send an email, fire off a text, whatever.
I'm very interested in the new iPhone feature (not sure if Android has had it for a while; probably) that allows people to send a "voice text." It's a tiny file that comes in like a text, but it's actually a quickie voice mail: "Hey, the building at Fifth and Main is on fire" or "Are we on for dinner tonight? Lemme know." So much more efficient than a traditional call.
Kevin at September 17, 2014 12:52 PM
>> A phone call to a teenager is met with shock, disbelief, outrage, and fear.
This has not been my experience with my teenage son, nephew or niece.
I am in the over 40 crowd. Whether I call or text is usually determined by the amount of information I need to exchange and it's nature. Then again most of the people I communicate with are over 40 and close friends who don't mind when I call and call me in return, which I don't mind.
Matt at September 17, 2014 1:29 PM
If you are trying to sell me something, begging for money, or a pollster, just go kill yourself, please. My default position is to let calls go to voice mail. For every one I want, I get twenty I don't. That's for my home phone. Don't dream of calling my work cell, or I will wish bad things for you.
MarkD at September 17, 2014 1:45 PM
I prefer text for short stuff and e-nail for long.
Then I don't have to grab pens and write stuff down.
I do have a Bluetooth earpiece so I don't mind taking a call in the car. But it's not bad if I'm on the interstate. But on my local roads I have to be choosy.
Jim P. at September 17, 2014 1:52 PM
Phone calls are the worst.
I pretty much agree with Drew McGary's list of reasons to have a real conversation on the phone:
http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/dont-call-anyone-on-the-phone-except-for-the-following-1629505533
zombie msft at September 17, 2014 3:46 PM
Missed two:
1) You have money you owe me.
2) Your dealer has drugs for you.
Don't text that.
Radwaste at September 17, 2014 4:11 PM
If 2) applies or you are a privacy nerd, Wickr is a good option for texting securely.
zombie msft at September 17, 2014 4:34 PM
I like phone calls.
But then, I have mad communication skillz. YMMV.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at September 17, 2014 5:15 PM
So I'm in the 30-35 bracket and I don't quite agree.
I detest it when people call and just want to talk without asking something like, "Is this a good time or should we schedule something?" Maybe I have lots of friends who spend gobs of time in the car (commutes here suck), but if people want to actually talk to me, I don't mind so long as they are sensitive to the fact that maybe I have to do something in a few minutes - like get a child from school.
There are some things that texting just does not work well for, nor email for that matter. Also, it is much harder to have meaningful conversation by written word. I have friends I see maybe once every three years, and if they call, I'm thrilled to talk to them unless it's 2 AM (and my friends would only do THAT in an emergency).
Shannon M. Howell at September 17, 2014 5:52 PM
If you really hate voice calls so much that even picking up messages is a bother, ditch your landline and program your cell to say something like "At the tone, don't leave a message, I won't receive it. Send a text or an email."
Rex Little at September 17, 2014 9:29 PM
I'm under 40 and like to talk on the phone depending who it is. I don't have to answer the phone if I don't want to, I can see who called. I don't check my voicemail, I just return the call at my leisure.
NicoleK at September 18, 2014 2:11 AM
I don't mind people calling me. I may not always answer, if it is not convenient. I utterly despise voice mail though. I cannot deactivate it on my mobile phone and it is almost enough to make me switch carriers. It is usually my mother saying "call your mother." As if I cannot tell from the call log. It would take half a second to read a text but it takes ages to dial in, push the buttons and retrieve messages. hate, hate, hate voice mail.
Texting works best for contacting my 20 year old son.
LauraGr at September 18, 2014 11:49 AM
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