"Those Kinds Of Things Happen In Life..."
That's Michelle Obama retelling a story of her trip to Target with a racism angle.
Yes, "those kinds of things" happen to me, too -- people in stores asking me to reach things off high shelves. Because they assume I'm "the help"? No, because they're short and I'm tall.
Sometimes I voluntarily reach for things for people, like when I saw an old lady looking for hair dye. The box she wanted was way down on the very bottom of the shelf. Yes, that time I just bent down without even being asked. Because she's old and I'm young, and I bend better.
I know, I know...self-inflicted racism!
I'm white and well-dressed, and I've been mistaken for a store employee more than once. It's not always race, Michelle.
Gail at December 17, 2014 5:33 PM
This happens to me in grocery stores. Usually a small woman who cannot reach a higher shelf will ask if I can get a box or can down for her. I have always thought it was just one person being polite to another. I never realized that I was actually being profiled and "disrespected." thanks for opening my eyes to all the hate I have encountered without knowing what these little old ladies were really up to.
The worst experience was when a gentleman with poor eyesight asked me to read something on a label. Oh, the humanity!!
Jay at December 17, 2014 6:03 PM
I too have been asked to fetch sommething off a high shelf for a short or frail woman. It take all of what, three seconds? What's the big deal?
Cousin Dave at December 17, 2014 6:11 PM
I dunno if a group is gonna get mistaken for the help wouldn't it be Mexicans and not blacks?
I get mistaken for a mall sales girl alot. It really pisses me the fuck off because the customers are so fucking rude and snobby and I feel sad for the retail workers.
Ppen at December 17, 2014 6:25 PM
I used to work in an office building attached to an underground shopping center...including KMart (NYC Penn Station).
I wore my ID around my neck. Often in the stores I would be confused as employees, especially during the winter (as I wouldn't be wearing a coat as most of the customers were).
I'm sure many customers didn't believe me and thought I was rude.
Katrina at December 17, 2014 7:55 PM
For some reason I get asked for directions all the time. I thought it was just odd. It never occurred to me that I could be some kind of a victim. This is some good news. I can see it now. It's an assumption of spatial awareness based on outward appearances. Who the hell do I complain to, NASA?
Canvasback at December 17, 2014 8:40 PM
My gosh the other day I asked my family if they were asked to do stuff for people like I am in Wal-Mart. I hoped it was because I had a friendly face (though my kid's teacher informed her she had the same resting bitch face I have, true story), but now I realize I'm either very Wal-Marty looking, very tall, or just I just shop at the same times old people do.
I will say this, I read where they said Obama had been decked out black tie for some formal thing and had people hand him their keys like he was the valet. Now that would piss me off, I'll give em that one.
gooseegg at December 17, 2014 10:02 PM
Goosegg's and Ppen's notes gave me a thought... Do we all go about in public dressed like slobs so much that it is now assumed that anyone who is well dressed is service staff?
Cousin Dave at December 18, 2014 4:43 AM
Next she will be complaining that people expect her kids have to eat school lunches like the other kids.
Bob in texas at December 18, 2014 6:19 AM
I am vertically challenged. I have asked people to get stuff for me off the top shelf. You know what goes into considering who to ask?
1.) Are they taller than me (this eliminates children under age 10 and midgets)?
2.) Do they look like they are angry, in a hurry, or otherwise going to be annoyed if I ask them?
If there is an employee in the aisle, sure I'll ask that person first (provided it isn't one of the 2% of adults shorter than me - it happened once). Otherwise, I just ask the nearest friendly-looking person. Assuming that, like me, whomever asked for help just wanted whatever they couldn't reach, they could be accused of thinking Mrs. Obama was friendly and/or helpful. Clearly, this was a bad judgement.
The ONLY time I have been chewed out for asking somebody for help was when I accidentally hit a nerve with a guy. He was maybe 3 inches taller than me (and the only person around). I knew he could reach it since I was about 2 mm from being able to, but my request made him uncomfortable enough to snap at me, "No! I'm short! I replied something like, "I'm sorry, I know what it's like to be short. At least you are taller than me... which is why I thought you might be able to help." After a quiet moment, he came over and (easily) got the item for me while sporting a very confused expression.
Most people I've asked have been glad to help - including a tall but very old man who seemed tickled to be able to do something a younger person couldn't.
Shannon at December 18, 2014 10:04 AM
Yes I think so Cousin Dave.
Ii dress office casual and I get incredibly rude yoga pants wearing women coming up to me quite a bit.
Ppen at December 18, 2014 11:16 AM
Back when incredible Universe was still open, I was mistaken for an employee there almost every time I went. Twice employees tried to pawn off customers on me. And once a manager gave me crap and that I had better be on break since I was doing personal shopping but he did think it was good a sign that I had removed my badge.
As a tall person I often get asked for help getting stuff off of top shelves. About a year ago a guy who looked very tall (like 6'8" or so) but was in a wheelchair with a leg all bandaged up asked me to get something down from a top shelf...I found it quite funny, he seemed really embarrassed. Probably the first in a very long time where he could not reach up for something.
The Former Banker at December 18, 2014 1:50 PM
There is something to the "wear a tux, and you look like the help." At nice places, they often have to wear black tie.
I love the look of a tailored white blouse and black skirt or pants, but I'm careful about how I wear it -- lots of hostesses and waitresses wear that combo as a uniform. When wearing a version of that combo out to dinner, I've been mistaken for a waitress while on my way to the toilet. People really aren't all that observant, or they'd see that my shoes and accessories would not have been appropriate for a waitress at work.
Gail at December 18, 2014 2:00 PM
The use of the word "midget" offends me. You should have included a trigger warning. Now, I'll need therapy.
/sarcasm
Conan the Grammarian at December 18, 2014 4:18 PM
I will say this, I read where they said Obama had been decked out black tie for some formal thing and had people hand him their keys like he was the valet. Now that would piss me off, I'll give em that one.
Posted by: gooseegg at December 17, 2014 10:02 PM
If it actually happened, which I sort of doubt.
Never discount the possibility that they are all lying through their teeth to fuel the whole *racist country* gambit.
Isab at December 18, 2014 4:38 PM
Maybe Obama had a dated tux and looked like wait staff, happens to white people too
lujlp at December 18, 2014 5:32 PM
Not saying Michelle Obama is right or wrong, but I'm Asian and a lot of people assume that I can't speak English. When I talk to strangers, including new clients at my job, it's not unusual for them to say "Oh! You speak English so well!" They're also surprised to learn that English is actually my first language and I was born in New York.
I'm not offended by this or anything - I've lived in parts of the country where Asians are extremely uncommon, so in most cases they simply haven't met many, and it's not like they were trying to hurt my feelings. Just want to point out that there *are* race issues, though sometimes people are overly sensitive or too eager to find them.
Jina at December 18, 2014 7:48 PM
Jina's comment is a good one, but I would extend it. There are also age issues (among others).
I was picking up my child - then 2 - from preschool in the spring while pregnant with my next one... when somebody asked me when I was going back to my home country. This was after 7-8 months of going to the school. Apparently, I was "too young looking" to be a mother and it was assumed I was an au pair. I would have been around 28 at the time (urban area where most women start having kids around 33-37).
Basically, people see what is most common around them and use it as a default. I'm pretty sure there's a good evolutionary/adaptive explanation, but I think it's basically one of the "If you hear hoofbeats, you assume horses, not zebras,
sorts of things.
Shannon at December 18, 2014 8:27 PM
""Oh! You speak English so well!" They're also surprised to learn that English is actually my first language and I was born in New York."
Yeah I have heard this before from my Asian friends. In what fucking planet do people live? I mean people immigrate to this country and have children that are born and raised here.
It's not that I would get offended it just fuels my intense dislike for humanity that is already burning inside of me.
Ppen at December 18, 2014 10:07 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/12/17/those_kinds_of.html#comment-5670858">comment from PpenIt really amazes me, Ppen, this "Oh! You speak English so well!" business.
Amy Alkon at December 19, 2014 5:30 AM
At an old job, I used to regularly exchange telephone calls with a guy in Hong Kong who spoke in a perfectly clipped Etonian accent. Based solely on that, I formed a mental picture of him as a middle-aged British ex-pat.
Imagine my surprise when he came to the US and he turned out to be a young Asian guy.
And no, I didn't tell him he spoke English so well.
Conan the Grammarian at December 19, 2014 7:58 AM
I wonder about the Asian thing to then I remember my high school experience. There was lots of Korean kids who we had grown up with and the spoke English well...often times their parents did not. Then there was a second group that just showed up in H.S. and they were recent immigrants from Vietnam and Laos and that area. They did not speak English so well. You could often times tell them apparent just by looking at them. The groups both dressed in western clothes but some how there was a difference as well as the way they carried themselves.
The mother of one of my Korean friends spoke very little English. When you called and Mom answered and didn't want you to talk to the kid she would say, "____ busy call later" with that blank being a room or item. My friend hated "toilet busy", "bed busy" (sleeping) and "bedroom busy" but the rest of us found them funny.
The Former Banker at December 19, 2014 1:02 PM
What Isab said - they ARE lying through their teeth.
Remember Oprah and her racist encounter in Switzerland? It was really nothing more than a stunt to drum up interest in her movie.
The Obamas are not above doing the same stupid sh&t either. And with the Obamas it is usually to deflect attention away from something that he screwed up again.
So, my question is "what did he f&ck up now?"
Charles at December 19, 2014 6:34 PM
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