Some Sick People Are Seeing This Photo As Sick
@CathyYoung63 calls it "Very revealing re: gender-based double standard."
It's a father holding his terribly sick son in the shower. When I read that, I teared up over what a beautiful image -- and act -- of fatherhood it is. The kid was throwing up, feverish, and besieged with diarrhea, and the father was trying to keep his fever down and letting the vomit and poo just rinse off of both of them as it came.
Photo credit, the mom, Heather Whitten:
The BBC posts:
This photograph of a father holding his son in the shower has been shared tens of thousands of times on Facebook in the last fortnight. But over the same period it's also also been taken down by the social media platform more than once before ultimately being reinstated each time. Why?In some ways the picture appears to show a fairly everyday scene. A dad cradling his severely sick child in his arms. Except in this instance, they are in the shower and both naked. The picture was posted on social media by the photographer Heather Whitten who lives in Arizona in the US. It shows her son Fox and her husband, the boy's father Thomas Whitten.
For many viewers the image is a touching portrait of parental care and affection. The reason that father and son were naked was because Fox had Salmonella poisoning for which he would soon after be hospitalised.
"Thomas had spent hours in the shower with him, trying to keep his fever down and letting the vomit and diarrhea rinse off of them both as it came," Whitten wrote in her post accompanying the photo.
"He was so patient and so loving and so strong with our tiny son in his lap... I stepped out and grabbed my camera and came back to snap a few images of it and, of course shared them."
But for some people the image is inappropriate at best and at worst has undertones of paedophilia. Whitten has been surprised by this reaction and was shocked when people posted negative comments about what was for her a beautiful moment.
"There is nothing sexual or exploitative about this image," she wrote in the initial post. "I was taken aback by how many people missed the story or didn't even look past the nudity to find the story."
The double standard that's revealed -- in people who thought it was exploitative -- is revealed in how the response was "overwhelmingly positive" to a mother, naked, holding her sick son in the shower. (At the link.)
Note that neither of these photos reveal even as much as you'd see at the beach.
What they do reveal is the ugliness in some people and a lack of understanding of what healthy, loving fatherhood is.
Plenty of adults, I'm sure, would like to go back in time and have their parenting mirror the little guy's who's in the shower with his daddy.
Sweet photo, great dad, stupid facebook.
Little Shiva at May 21, 2016 6:13 AM
A father steps up to the plate (sorry, couldn't avoid the sports metaphor) and he is criticized; yet, if he left it all up to the mom to take care of disgusting body fluids he would have been called a sexist pig.
Men - damned if they do, and damned if they don't.
And, yes, my eyes got all watery reading the story.
charles at May 21, 2016 7:17 AM
Fakebook gonna Fakebook.
I R A Darth Aggie at May 21, 2016 7:44 AM
Don't you know that all men are pedophiles and no woman ever is?
Patrick at May 21, 2016 8:13 AM
That man is an awesome dad. People who say otherwise can go walk off a cliff.
It'd be just as fine and awesome if it were his daughter and not his son.
momof4 at May 21, 2016 8:24 AM
Sheesh, all the guy is trying to do is be a good parent, and social media hands his ass to him. What bullshit. Newsflash - there is not a pedo around every corner.
Daghain at May 21, 2016 8:34 AM
A man never stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
Mr. Whitten is a better man than I.
Bill O Rights at May 21, 2016 8:40 AM
I absolutely do not think anything is wrong with the picture, I love the intent behind it. But, I'm one of those people who's tired of private moments being posted for public consumption, for the sole intention of getting likes for how well they're parenting/living/loving. Don't take a picture of me on the toilet or in the tub and post it on social media. I don't care if I'm barfing a lung up and it has special meaning because I was going through chemo. I just like my privacy too much. I look at this picture and think two things - I hope the dad was okay with this, I hope the son doesn't disown them when he turns 18.
gooseegg at May 21, 2016 9:26 AM
No condemnation of the mother for taking nude photographs of a minor?
Odd.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at May 21, 2016 9:32 AM
I also don't think the photo needed to be posted on Facebook. I don't think there was anything wrong with the photo itself aside from perhaps thinking it's strange that the mother thinks it's okay to go take a picture of her naked family who is ill in the shower so she can post about it online. Yay for the man being a good father, but I question the mother's judgement.
BunnyGirl at May 21, 2016 11:10 AM
My reaction?
At first I'm thinking that contrary to momof4, he is not an awesome father for this act, he is merely a father. This is what parents do. And the sick people thinking this has anything to do with pedophilia need to see a therapist (or be whipped) (preferably the latter.)
Then I'm thinking okay, I think my parents put me into a bath and I think we put our daughter into an infant tub, so maybe getting into bath and holding the child is a bit more awesomer and momof4 has a point.
I think the photo is fine. Facebook or art gallery (but is there a difference?) this photo beautifully captures a poignant moment, is very well composed and shot, and is a slice of human life.
jerry at May 21, 2016 11:36 AM
I agree, Jerry. I didn't see it as being one of those photos that's capitalizing on a kid's photo and identity but a moment within a family.
I wrote in "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck"
about Jonathan Haidt and Sara Algoe's work on "elevation" -- how seeing somebody's kind act is uplifting to people and motivates them to be kind and generous.
This is wonderful in that way. It sets an example for fatherhood for men who maybe didn't have great fathers and for parenthood in general.
For a dad to get in there so he can be holding his kid through the throwup and poo -- this is just one of the most beautiful photos I've seen all year, if not the most beautiful.
Amy Alkon at May 21, 2016 12:54 PM
Amy: The double standard that's revealed -- in people who thought it was exploitative -- is revealed in how the response was "overwhelmingly positive" to a mother, naked, holding her sick son in the shower. (At the link.)
Patrick: Don't you know that all men are pedophiles and no woman ever is?
I think the photo -- and the story behind it -- is very touching, but I don't see it as a double standard that some people find it off-putting while the response to a mother in the same situation was "overwhelmingly positive."
If women molested children to the same degree that men do then, yes, I'd see the different reactions as a double-standard. But that does not seem to be the case. Even with the youngest victims, only 12 percent of the perps are women.
Female Offenders Driven by More Than Sex
JD at May 21, 2016 1:00 PM
JD, gendered statistics regarding participation in sex-offenses are suspect. Even if one accepts your numbers, however, then so what? You are distracting (intentionally?) from the point that no reasonable person can look at the photo and imbue it with improper sexual content. (BTW, do you think that the fact that one out of every eight baby-rapers is female lets women off the hook?!)
The relevant statistic is that the percentage of men who transgress with children is very small. Not only that, but children (and their mothers) are LEAST subject to any form of abuse (and achieve the best outcomes) when they live with their biological father.
Maybe you're not a misandrist troll, but I have my suspicions ....
Jay R at May 21, 2016 2:53 PM
Jay, many (perhaps most) people wouldn't be disturbed by a photo of a nude father or mother with their child. But, for those who are disturbed by a nude father and not by a nude mother, I'm merely explaining why that likely is.
Maybe you're not a misandrist troll,
If Yusuf (a Muslim) points out that most terrorists are Muslims -- even though the percentage of Muslims who are terrorists is very small -- would you conclude that Yusuf hates his fellow Muslims?
JD at May 21, 2016 8:06 PM
"I didn't see it as being one of those photos that's capitalizing on a kid's photo and identity but a moment within a family."
Hmm. So, based on other posts, you should be able to sell actual sex, and any body part you care to donate, but not a picture?
Radwaste at May 22, 2016 12:27 AM
"Hmm. So, based on other posts, you should be able to sell actual sex, and any body part you care to donate, but not a picture?"
The former was a discussion about what should be legal. This is a discussion about what's in good taste, right?
I'm with gooseegg: There's nothing perverse about this, but it belongs in a private family album. And no, NOT because of the nudity, which I agree is completely non-sexual. It's repulsive to me in an entirely different way that someone needed to photograph this and share this on social media to get attaboys for basically being a parent. The kid was sick, and his mother thought to run and get a camera? That child's privacy/dignity has been torn away from him.
And if the parent were a woman, I'd be equally disgusted. Probably more disgusted, because I'm already bored with mothers congratulating themselves all day long on Facebook for doing a job that they signed up for.
Insufficient Poison at May 23, 2016 10:14 AM
Good point. Agree.
Radwaste at May 24, 2016 9:11 PM
Been there, done that.
Outstanding post, Amy.
Jeff Guinn at May 25, 2016 11:37 PM
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