Feminism Means Sneering And Snarling About Girly Girls
A tweet:
@SteveStuWill
Weird that people who wish their daughters were less girly, and more like boys, are viewed as PRO-female
The link he tweeted was this 2015 piece by Sarah Fletcher in The Daily Mail on a feminist mother who "cringes at her three-year-old daughter's love of princesses, frills and pink - and wishes she was into toy cars instead":
I'm a feminist, and I hate it when people decide a car is a toy for a boy, or a fairy outfit is for a girl. People should be able to like whatever they want and dress however they want.Yet I'm also a huge hypocrite - Alice has girly girl tastes, and I'm embarrassed by it.
I find myself making excuses for her love of pink dresses and frilly aprons. Every time she asks me to buy her a doll, I secretly cringe.
But feminism really isn't about having the power to do anything; it's about doing approved feminist things or being sneered at by feminists.
It seems this is really more about mommy than her little pink-loving girl:
Why do I think other people are judging me for having a girly girl?I think it's because I worry people will assume I've encouraged Alice's interest in stereotypically 'female' things, as though I've told her pink is for girls and blue is for boys.
More from mommy:
As a feminist, I believe people shouldn't be forced to act in a certain way based on what gender they are.It's an effort, but I'm going to embrace the pink. Maybe my younger daughter will be into monster trucks and burping contests.
Why would that be a good thing, necessarily?
In saying that, it's clear she isn't "embracing" anything -- she's just trying to pry herself away from the ugly business of denigrating girls for being girly (and all that comes with it, like the notion that being a mom isn't an okay life choice).
I've always loved pink, and especially hot pink, and I painted my NYC bike hot pink with orange leopard spots and covered it with hot pink flowers so nobody would steal it.
And nobody did. And I had it for going on 10 years there.
And that -- in New York City -- is damn powerful.
Quoted from the article: "Why do I think other people are judging me for having a girly girl? " That's because "other people", in this context, are the post-modern feminists she hangs out with. And in that context, she's right: they are judging her. Which points up the fundamental problem: In the ideal world that the feminists claim to espouse, whether the little girl is attracted to toy cars or princess outfits, either choice would be OK. But that's not what the post-modern feminists want. Their motivation isn't freedom, it's transgression. They are cultural vandals, desiring to leave bags of flaming dog poo on Western civilization's porch whenever they can get away with it. Anybody that doesn't go along is in league with their (long-dead) parents: uncool, not-with-it, square! And in their world, being uncool is the ultimate sin.
Cousin Dave at June 21, 2016 6:29 AM
Instead of embracing and promoting the feminine, feminists are jealous of the masculine.
Feminists are stuck in a men vs. women mindset in which male is the dominant, powerful, desirable, and fun gender. To the feminists, girls have to be more male-like to win the gender war.
The gender warriors are trying to turn boys into girls and girls into boys. Why does it have to be a war? Why not embrace the qualities of both masculine and feminine? Both are sides of the same coin, each with desirable and less-than-desirable attributes.
Conan the Grammarian at June 21, 2016 7:21 AM
In my opinion, radical feminism, and most other ills of the progressive political movement arise out of the fantasy that nothing about human beings is inate.
And if nothing is inate, we can all be trained, bullied, and cajoled into being the little genderless Hoplophobe drones they want us to be.
So if a little girl likes girly things, or a boy likes guns, it is clearly, the mother's fault. She isn't training her children the proper way, setting the proper example, or giving them that *oh so effective* Lenona lecture.
Isab at June 21, 2016 8:19 AM
"But feminism really isn't about having the power to do anything; it's about doing approved feminist things or being sneered at by feminists."
Every identity group has its self appointed gate keepers, which the rest of us are free to ignore - and do. We all choose whose judgments to value and what weight to give to the consequences/ trade offs.
Conan, the gender warriors I know are people who have fought for the space to wear the clothing/ name/ gender presentation that best reflects and fits them. The irony is that their self expression often reinforces the idea of feminine and masculine nature and its association with or self expression through cultural gender norms.
Plenty of gender queer people assert and express themselves by wearing explicitly gendered clothing - high heels, big boobs, bright lipsticks, all overtly feminine. Lug soled boots, frayed hems, metal accessories = often masculine.
This woman's feminism isn't mine. Her concerns aren't mine either, but I'm not a parent, and I'm not subject to what seems like a constant barrage of unsolicited advice and expressed judgments of women about how to raise or manage my kid. Hell, the sheer amount of unsolicited feedback (including conflicting, unsolicited advice) I've gotten from strangers and near strangers regarding my dogs was enough to make me want to snap at someone. I keep that in mind before thinking that she's nuts to care about what other people think of her parenting - she probably cannot escape hearing other people's judgments about her parenting. If continually subjected to that in person and online in this internet age, I might be tempted to put outan APB on my thought process too. Or just tell people to f#ck off, and winnow down potential play dates and parent friends accordingly. Again, all conjecture on my part.
Michelle at June 21, 2016 8:41 AM
"Conan, the gender warriors I know are people who have fought for the space to wear the clothing/ name/ gender presentation that best reflects and fits them"
These days as long as you are clean and relatively neat you pass.
My standard for personal grooming is whatever won't get you thrown out of Denny's.
I'm not sure what fighting for *space* actually looks like.
I suspect what most gender and other SJW types really want is social approval, and the force of law silencing any criticism of either their lifestyle, or personal grooming choices.
While I think a lot of parents especially mothers are hyersenitive about what others think of them, the ability to say *buzz off chucklehead* to the gender nazis requires quite a spine. It takes a while to grow one.
Isab at June 21, 2016 10:08 AM
"I keep that in mind before thinking that she's nuts to care about what other people think of her parenting - she probably cannot escape hearing other people's judgments about her parenting. "
Yeah, but feminists act like that is a problem unique to them, and it isn't. All parents get leaned on these days, and the result is the hyper-parenting that is turning our young adults into brainless entitled crybullies. Ranting off-topic here, but I heard this TV news report at lunchtime that started off with: "Swimming season is here, and that reminds us parents that we must put an extra special [sic] emphasis on safety!" It occurred to me that you could plug absolutely any event into that sentence without loss of context: "International Pizza Week is here, and that reminds us parents that we must put a super-duper-califragilistic-special-snowflake emphasis on SAFEEEEEETYYYYYY!!!!!" Heaven forbid that a parent should think about something other than their responsibility to the state as designated child-raisers, ahem, parents, for even one second.
(By the way, do strikeout tags work here? Let's see.)
Cousin Dave at June 21, 2016 11:03 AM
Nope, they don't. Darn.
Cousin Dave at June 21, 2016 11:05 AM
We went into parenthood with as neutral a perspective as we could manage. What toys would our kids want? We provided them with a selection when they were young.
As it happened, both kids gravitated to the toys stereotypically associated with their gender.
Stereotypical: "having the qualities that you expect a particular type of person to have". Why? Because most of them do, in fact, have those characteristics.
a_random_guy at June 21, 2016 11:49 AM
Women should be profoundly embarrassed by feminism, i.e., toxic femininity.
Increasingly, I think they are.
Question is, how will they make it up to men? And will men give a crap at this point?
Jay R at June 21, 2016 12:10 PM
They will if its blowjobs
lujlp at June 21, 2016 12:25 PM
Question is, how will they make it up to men? And will men give a crap at this point?
Jay R at June 21, 2016 12:10 PM
I don't have to make anything up to *men* as a group. All I have to do is treat my son, husband, son in law, and many friends as the kind, upstanding people of character that they are. Amazingly enough, that is exactly how they treat me.
This is something feminists should of thought of a long time ago. But they, by and large, are nasty unkind, selfish people, who think that the world owes them something.
Isab at June 21, 2016 12:29 PM
Sarah Fletcher: "Alice has girly girl tastes, and I'm embarrassed by it... I find myself making excuses for her love of pink dresses and frilly aprons. Every time she asks me to buy her a doll, I secretly cringe... Maybe my younger daughter will be into monster trucks and burping contests."
That makes me feel sorry for little Alice. Even though loving feminist-mommy doesn't intend it, as Alice grows up she'll detect, internalize and be shaped by mommy's attitude towards her femininity. And when she's a big girl with low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy and guilt for feeling like a girl, frantically seeking safe spaces to escape microaggressions and triggers, will feminist-mommy say she's the victim of the misogynistic, oppressive, patriarchal, rape culture?
Sarah Fletcher's feminism sounds more like a highly evolved, politicized culture of dick envy.
I just love the heck out of my feminine (not prissy) daughters and granddaughters. They are intelligent, competent, loving, formidable young women and girls - not envious nor afraid of men. God bless their femininity.
Ken R at June 21, 2016 12:47 PM
Call it a hunch, but I suspect the mother is at least partly afraid that her daughter is going to give her a hard time, as she gets older, about being ordered to do things that princesses "shouldn't have to do," whether it's getting her hands dirty by washing dishes or learning to do oil changes or household repairs. Or paying for dates with boys half the time. I.e., she's afraid her daughter might be trying to pull away from learning to be independent.
Of course, there's no need to spell out these fears TO her daughter; she can simply let her know that long dresses are likely to get ripped and soiled if she insists on wearing them on a camping trip - or during P.E. at school, for that matter. (And that the girl will have to do the mending if she wants to wear them again.) Real life will kick in easily enough when kids are put through the motions, again and again. Same goes for boys who refuse to do their own laundry or their share of dishes and cooking, of course. We ALL will have unpaid work to do as adults. Even rich people do.
lenona at June 21, 2016 1:21 PM
Feminists love discovering girly stuff to warn us all about, so no doubt they'll be tickled by the "Girly Bounce".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahuAy7hyDPM
Lastango at June 21, 2016 4:19 PM
Lies Alkon!!!!
I can't believe any of the gender benders in NYC wouldnt steal your bike.
I had all my MAC Heatherette (look it up Alkon you will love it) stuff stolen by a couple teenage girls in NYC. OC prissy me wasnt prepared for the roughness of teen girls in the east coast.
I am sure I still have a big sign in my forehead that signals I am 100% incredibly out of touch with east coast ways and to plz steal from me.
ppen at June 21, 2016 4:33 PM
Fletcher is describing what she thinks she should feel, not what she really does. I do that sometimes. It's lying to onesself.
DaveG at June 22, 2016 3:53 AM
"All I have to do is treat my son, husband, son in law, and many friends as the kind, upstanding people of character that they are. "
Yeah, it really isn't about "making good" as such. But there is a need (whether it's considered a moral imperative or not, it's a practical need) for women to start working towards tearing down the toxic culture that feminism has helped create. And because feminism has succeeded in discrediting Western men in general, women are going to have to take the lead, at least at the beginning. Some are doing that now, but there's not enough yet.
Cousin Dave at June 22, 2016 7:00 AM
@CD
I try...but most feminists are so religous about their beliefs they are unable to accept any counter facts.
I am probably the most anti-feminist person I know personally.
Because internalized misogyny, something.
I can't stand being in a group intentionally or unintentionally all women. Because there is always at least one woman who starts to bitch or generalize about men.
My previous boss would tell me things simply assuming I would understand because I was also a woman. I would just look at her blankly.
Katrina at June 22, 2016 7:43 AM
Thank you, Katrina. I'm not being sarcastic. I wish there were more like you. Keep slugging at it and we'll get there.
Cousin Dave at June 22, 2016 9:46 AM
So . . . no blowjobs?
lujlp at June 22, 2016 12:44 PM
@CD You're welcome.
Sometimes, it really feels hopeless.
I have a HS friend on FB who has a son, post about toxic masculinity after the Orlando shooting.
And while, I think one should not avoid people who disagrees with you...I am struggling with this one.
Because on one hand, I criticize liberals for being so arrogant that they are right that they paint you as racist, sexist, Islamophobe, who want kids to get killed because you disagree with them.
Then isn't that what I am doing if I choose to not be her friend. I justify it thinking they are being hateful but they think they are justified because I am being hateful.
I would probably have to avoid pretty much everyone if had a strict standard about these things.
Sorry, just ranting.
Katrina at June 22, 2016 2:04 PM
Ask her if she'd rather be living in caves and dying in child birth?
After all toxic masculinity is what leads cops to risk their lives against such monsters, gave us electricity, medicine, architecture, cars, air conditioning, neon lights, ect, ect, ect
lujlp at June 22, 2016 2:49 PM
My daughter (almost 3) is super girly. She loves pink, dresses, hairbows, etc. She also likes to play cars with her brothers, except she only wants to play with girl cars so she has her own small stash we glued little bows to the roofs. Now all her cars have hair bows too. She'll wrestle and rough house with her brother, but she'll stop in the middle to fluff her hair and straighten her clothes before diving back in. She also likes to play Nerf guns with rhem so long as the colors pass for girly. I couldn't imagine telling my daughter she couldn't play with certain toys she likes, dress a certain way, or like certain colors. Why can't people just let their kids be who they are?
BunnyGirl at June 22, 2016 2:52 PM
@luj
I've tried engaging and it is so draining.
I will argue with more moderate stances because there is common ground.
I had a gay friend post something that conflates all pro 2A people with conservative republicans who want to ban gay marriage, abortion, and birth control.
I simply said I don't want to ban any of them.
I even had some post a pro-2A article that still mentions toxic masculinity. I did argue there.
Most gun-controllers are just as religious. They refuse to accept that an AR-15 has the same power as a less scary looking rifle.
This is a great piece devoted to the idiot report who claims PTSD from shooting an AR-15
http://monsterhunternation.com/2016/06/16/ask-kuntzman/
Katrina at June 22, 2016 3:11 PM
Resources are finite Katrina. You have to pick your battles. I applaud you for fighting the good fight but don't let it exhaust you.
Also, it is doubtful Kuntzman even fired the weapon. Either that or he has so little arm strength he should see a doctor.
Ben at June 22, 2016 5:09 PM
@Ben
Yeah, I know, which is why I only debate my more moderate friends now.
The link is a parody of Kuntzman. That is why it is a great piece.
Monsterhunternation.com is very pro-2A.
Katrina at June 22, 2016 6:56 PM
Yeah. As Correia points out a 10 year old girl is able to safely handle an AT-15. If Kuntzman can't he has less arm strength than a 10 year old girl. Or more likely Kuntzman's entire piece was a lie.
Ben at June 23, 2016 6:53 AM
I think I know what her problem is. Her daughter is naturally embracing everything her rigid and repressed mother is forcing herself not to like.
Patrick at June 23, 2016 2:47 PM
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