When Twerps Give You Insults, Make Insult-ade
I had a few people this week try to hurt me with "You're old!" or something along those lines.
I read a mountain of sex differences and mating research from evolutionary psychologists, so I'm well aware that youth is a big aspect of what people across cultures identify as female beauty.
And though I continue to keep up the curb appeal, when I was young, I was much more focused on how I looked as a source of my value. And it was more a source of my value.
However, I'm on the verge of having my next book come out -- Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence. It was terrifying to write, to the point where I started joking that it was trying to kill me. But ultimately, it's the best thing I've ever written.
And now I'm neck deep in a medical expose that I think will become a book. Also terrifying to write, but I turned some corner in it in...oh, November or something, and I'm really excited about it and the change I believe it can make.
So when some twerp on Twitter made some sneer about my age, I just owned that shit -- and not simply as a defense. It was more of an internal "You go, girl!"
I love the "you're old!" crack. Yes, I fucking am. I'm 53 and I love it. I'm old and badass and having a lot of fun.
— Amy Alkon (@amyalkon) January 4, 2018
Now that I'm somebody and I have stuff to say, I realized that I'm thrilled to be 53 -- and I planned to use the rest of my time here wisely.
I also plan to continue dressing like I own the place...which is to say wearing floor-length, body-hugging eveningwear skirts as daywear (though with a side of "I'm friendly! Come have a chat!")
And for the bullies and detractors of the world...
Who am I? Well, actually I'm rubber; you're glue...
This sort of thing, in response to a tweet from some anony-weenie, @pericleslazer, that went like this: "I have always believed that any book that tells you how to live is not worth buying (or writing), besides if you need to buy a book to grow some BALLS, you're not a real human, you're some kind of worm or some shit. Just saying."
I had no friends till I was 15 & was "some kind of worm or some shit." What's cool as fuck: I decided to not let my fears run the show & I transformed. Best testimonial for my book? My refusal to back down to you &other Cult of Cycling mobbers! (Muting you now that I've used you) https://t.co/urBDNQ7WmE
— Amy Alkon (@amyalkon) January 4, 2018
53 isn't old
Benjamin Cummerbund at January 4, 2018 4:38 AM
It's not 21 or 22, and the things men evolved to find attractive in women correlate with health and fertility, and youth is one of those things...one of the biggies. Most women, at 22, are kind of hot, simply because they're 22.
Amy Alkon at January 4, 2018 5:06 AM
With youth comes energy, enthusiasm, and certainty.
With age comes experience, wisdom, and cunning.
Wanna guess where I place my bets?
bkmale at January 4, 2018 6:30 AM
I think Amy's thoughts on this are really strong. I wrote a bunch of stuff about this just now but deleted it, because we've discussed it before.
The beauty of young women is like nothing else in Creation. It's as powerful a force as a human being can carry.
But if you're a human being, you'd better have your own path toward humility, or one will be provided for you, which is even less pleasant.
Crid at January 4, 2018 6:31 AM
Youth and enthusiasm will never defeat old age and treachery. And us X-ers have to stick together.
Cousin Dave at January 4, 2018 6:32 AM
Young women are good for a man's health:
"A man's chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior.
The risk of premature death is reduced by 11 per cent if they marry a woman seven to nine years younger.
The study at Germany's Max Planck Institute also found that men marrying older women are more likely to die early."
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/5426895/Men-live-longer-if-they-marry-a-younger-woman.html
Snoopy at January 4, 2018 6:42 AM
But why have any regard for smug men who shave their legs and wear spandex?
Jeff the Cyclist and Victor the Vegan: bros in arrogance
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at January 4, 2018 6:47 AM
"But if you're a human being, you'd better have your own path toward humility, or one will be provided for you, which is even less pleasant."
Yep. One big difference is that most guys, outside of the one-percenters, have it (back)handed to them early on. In times past, female youthful beauty was a fleeting thing, lasting only through two or three teenage years. Most women had their first child at 16 or 17, and from there it was all downhill beauty-wise, as child, home, survival and adult responsibility wore on them. But today, a woman can retain that youthful beauty up until sometime in her early 30s, whereas some significant fraction of her male cohort have had their youth beaten out of them by the time they turn 20. After that, the name of the game for the guy is to acquire status and wealth, and demonstrate the ability to protect and care for a family and for his corner of society.
The modern problem, then, is that while the young female is at the top of her age group's social status ladder, the young man is at the bottom of that ladder. By the time the young man has moved up the ladder enough to be of interest to the young woman, the woman is near the end of her youthful attractiveness and is sliding down the ladder, if she hasn't done something to make herself attractive in other ways. So while she now desires the male cohort that she once rejected, that male cohort is now rejecting her, preferring the younger women that he didn't have access to when he was their age.
Cousin Dave at January 4, 2018 6:50 AM
> most guys, outside of the
> one-percenters, have it
> (back)handed to them early
☑ Affirmed. Masculinity has its own problems, but they are not those of the sister.
Crid at January 4, 2018 7:07 AM
Speaking of faded youth, and since I'm sharing Carneys anyway, here's another. Remember when actor Kevin Spacey stunned and amazed us by announcing that he was in fact, homosexual? Once again, a response to Weinstein summons the locution "tone-deaf."
(Carney's pretty devoutly Catholic, so we disagree about things. But the guy's clear-eyed and funny.)
Crid at January 4, 2018 7:19 AM
Good article at the Carney tweet's link about Streep's tone deaf deflection on the Weinstein question. Not usually a Washington Examiner reader, but may have to pay attention once in a while.
Conan the Grammarian at January 4, 2018 7:33 AM
"You're old"
The way to respond is "You would be lucky to live to be my age." and "if you do hopefully, you will realize how stupid that insult sounds."
charles at January 4, 2018 2:20 PM
Actually, it's not that hard to get to 50 these days, if you're not a blithering risk-taking idiot.
What's harder is developing into somebody with something to say, with the humility that comes with strength, with an ability to be balanced and the ability to say you're sorry and make amends when you wrong people.
One of the best things for me in being older and feeling like I know a bunch of stuff is not having to hide when I don't know something. Also, I can take criticism better, feeling I have some stuff in my head and stuff of value to say. It's okay when I make mistakes or have bad judgment for people whose opinion I value to point that out. A Twitter friend pointed out that I was getting boring (I think he kindly put it as "repetitive") in my responding over and over to the cycling mob assholes. I didn't want them to get away with bullying me, and wanted to let them know that, but he was right --I didn't want to bore people or lose followers on Twitter.
He was a little bit worried about pointing this out (if I remember correctly, and I think I do) but I cleared that up: Told him that I considered it an act of friendship for him to lay himself on the line like that and, in thinking about it, he was right. I changed my MO and just began to respond to people privately; plus, I'd already muted so many people that I had few left. (I'd even preemptively muted people with cycling in their profile that I saw giving "likes" to the tweet wishing me death.
Amy Alkon at January 4, 2018 7:50 PM
"It's not 21 or 22, and the things men evolved to find attractive in women correlate with health and fertility, and youth is one of those things...one of the biggies."
As I recall, you have, er, two of the biggies... um.
-----
"A man's chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior."
Anecdotal: ~ six years ago I married a bold woman 15 years younger than I, and since then many people have told me time has stopped. I think it's because I am cheerier in all ways and carry myself differently.
-----
"But if you're a human being, you'd better have your own path toward humility, or one will be provided for you, which is even less pleasant."
Ah. There's the insight I appreciate, even as I realize that even you admire some who have skills you don't...
Radwaste at January 5, 2018 7:27 AM
"When Twerps Give You Insults, Make Insult-ade"
Reminds me of Mark Steyn - "A man who is proud to quote his critics."
Geriatric Colonel at January 5, 2018 9:38 AM
Whether you're male or female, if you're over a certain age and you are NOT someone's utterly beloved, irreplaceable older relative/friend, and you're also not highly skilled in a job that calls for true talent, not just skill, you're...well, socially irrelevant.
lenona at January 5, 2018 1:29 PM
I enjoy your columns/blog posts Amy. I had no idea you were 53 - more the palindrome in fact. You always remind me of the typical heroine in a Robert Heinlein novel - red haired (of course!), very smart, highly capable, educated, stands up for herself, bloody attractive. I'm sure you will be fine despite anything the mouth-breathers throw your way.
Have a great '18, and hope the book sells well!
Hans Tholstrup at January 6, 2018 12:50 PM
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