Honesty Is The Backlashiest Policy
Actor Henry Cavill voiced comments in a GQ interview that countless men have voiced to me recently -- and probably to some or many of you: that it's scary for men to even flirt these days. (It's probably scariest for men with a lot to lose.)
No, it's no secret that men are feeling as he expressed feeling -- it's just no longer possible to voice thoughts like these without being turned into some sort of criminal on social media.
From Francesca Bacardi, in the NYPost:
The "Mission: Impossible - Fallout" star told GQ Australia that the #MeToo movement has made him afraid to flirt with women, and his comments didn't sit well with the internet."It's very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it's like: 'Well, I don't want to go up and talk to her, because I'm going to be called a rapist or something.' So you're like, 'Forget it, I'm going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked,'" he told the magazine.
"But it's way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I'm someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what's going to happen?"
Cavill's comments spurred severe backlash online, which prompted him to issue an apology.
"Having seen the reaction to an article in particular about my feelings on dating and the #metoo movement, I just wanted to apologize for any confusion and misunderstanding that this may have created," he told Page Six in a statement Thursday.
I wish he'd told them to bugger off.
yep. Many times. Just today I had that thought -- I ran into a lady in the break room and she was flirting with me - more blatant than in the past - and like in the past I was tempted to flirt back but then that voice says, "Whoa! whoa! whoa! way too risking" and I don't.
frankly, I doubt I will flirt with anyone I don't know well outside of a single's bar or some sort of singles event.
The Former Banker at July 12, 2018 10:42 PM
So he got a severe backlash for just talking about flirting, and people expect him to flirt now.
Joe j at July 13, 2018 12:51 AM
meanwhile, in the real world, people are flirting every day.
NicoleK at July 13, 2018 3:48 AM
>> So he got a severe backlash for just talking about flirting
He's getting backlash for identifying that someone may accuse him of being a rapist over some harmless interaction.
The #MeToo-ers don't want to admit that he has a legitimate concern because it highlights how extreme the 'movement' has become. So they're crucifying him online.
But he has a point, #MeToo has promoted a very expansive definition of 'sexual assault' that goes beyond any accepted legal or cultural standard. And several recent incidents have shown that, where men have been destroyed because of bad dates or consensual affairs.
Melmo at July 13, 2018 7:19 AM
...#MeToo has promoted a very expansive definition of 'sexual assault'...
No, I think it is actually pretty simple. Flirting is sexual assault, when done by the "wrong" guys. Not-flirting is sexual assault, when not done by the "right" guys.
bkmale at July 13, 2018 7:36 AM
"meanwhile, in the real world, people are flirting every day."
The key thing NicoleK is those men have little to lose. So the only people who will flirt with you are those you aren't interested in anyways.
If you are denying that this is happening you are part of the problem.
Ben at July 13, 2018 8:08 AM
I wouldn’t complain if he flirted with meeeee...But yeah, I understand his sentiment. He could take a groupie home and be accused of rape later when she gets upset that he doesn’t want a relationship.
ahw at July 13, 2018 9:01 AM
Flirting is sexual assault, when done by the "wrong" guys. Not-flirting is sexual assault, when not done by the "right" guys.
☑
What this entails is that one must be a bloody mind reader. It has always been this way, but the new regime has teeth and can bite you squarely on the ass.
I R A Darth Aggie at July 13, 2018 9:08 AM
This is when older and wiser women need to step in and scoop up these poor, neglected men.
KateC at July 13, 2018 9:47 AM
The Me Too women do not want to accept his feelings as valid. They want him to be unpersoned for disagreeing with them.
So, this was all needed to try to revitalize Alyssa Milano's career? I hear she's got a Lifetime movie role now, so it was all worth it.
El Verde Loco at July 13, 2018 12:49 PM
@KateC
That doesn't seem likely, given that most of the high profile Me Too movement women has been older women looking for media attention now that they are past their sell-by date, seeking to correct some injustice from 10-30 years past, when they benefitted from playing the game, and now that the game is done with them, they want to punish somebody.
Law in the English tradition used to recognize that, if enough time had passed, charges couldn't be defended against, because memories and evidence were long gone, and also - moral attitudes shifted.
El Verde Loco at July 13, 2018 12:53 PM
I wish he'd told them to bugger off.
Me, too. In fact, I recently tweeted that some people just need to be told to "Get fucked" more often. I think Dr. Albert Ellis, if he were alive today, would agree.
"You can't wear dreadlocks! You're appropriating my culture!"
Correct response? "Get fucked."
"I feel so triggered when you discuss this topic!"
Correct response? "Get fucked."
"What you just said is sexist/racist/ableist/xenophobic/whateverist!"
Correct response? "Get fucked."
Seriously, I think if these people would just get laid more often, they'd stop worrying about what other people are doing and learn to mind their own business. They really should get fucked.
Patrick at July 13, 2018 2:30 PM
But Patrick, you've identified the problem - they can't get f&cked because others know they will cry rape if it doesn't quite turn out they way they expected.
charles at July 13, 2018 6:55 PM
This controversy is really about the female supremacists' desire to limit men's sexual options so that they can get whatever outrageous price they want to demand.
The solution is to legalize sex work. And to patronize it whether it's legal or not. #MGTOW
Those women who really just want to be left alone can hardly complain about this strategy. And it will give the ones with Platinum Pussy Syndrome just what they deserve -- lots of cut rate competition. Then they'll get to find out what they're really worth.
jdgalt at July 13, 2018 8:48 PM
I think NicoleK has a perfectly good point. Namely, no matter how much the media engage in fearmongering, chances are we're not going to witness that many disasters In Person, whether they're social, physical, criminal, or what have you. (A detective once said, in the 1980s, that if there were really so many child kidnappings, everyone would know a family whose child had been kidnapped.)
And that goes double for fictional TV shows. Example: you can hear f-bombs hour after hour on TV, or simple rudeness and vulgarity in general, but in public places, if you do the same things loudly, you'll likely be asked to leave the building. (Which is why I wish parents would stop punishing little kids for imitating TV behavior and simply take the TV out of the house instead - you wouldn't keep huge bags of candy and then yell at kids for eating at least SOME candy every day, right?)
lenona at July 14, 2018 9:46 AM
"Namely, no matter how much the media engage in fearmongering, chances are we're not going to witness that many disasters In Person ..."
Umm, bullshit. This isn't uncommon. In fact it is quite common. And it predates the pound me too movement by quite a bit. That was just when Hollywood joined the club. But those of us in less Democrat dominated fields have been living with this for some time.
Ben at July 14, 2018 6:41 PM
I don't understand why certain things aren't more clear to people like Cavill, before they risk talking online.
Maybe the problem is simply that Cavill doesn't know how to create his own lines, whether online or face-to-face, and say what he truly MEANS - without using gross hyperbole. Of course he sounds like a rude, insensitive person if he can't make his argument without resorting to that.
"It's very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it's like: 'Well, I don't want to go up and talk to her, because I'm going to be called a rapist or something.'"
Am I supposed to believe that he's actually known cases like that, down to the letter?
What DOES he mean? That it's now officially horribly rude - or a crime - for any man to talk to a woman, about any subject, under any circumstances? If he really thinks that, he should name his source - or prove that that's mostly the case, with most men. Otherwise, he's clearly insulting most women's ability to behave calmly and rationally. (If I heard a teen boy make that exact complaint, I would, at least, suspect him of not being able to flirt without using four-letter words. Sad, but it's HIS problem to stop talking like that - even if it's how his dad talks all the time. Another example would be the fictional Travis Bickle in "Taxi Driver," who couldn't imagine why his date didn't want to be taken to a porno theater - and left him there.) Also, flirting on the job is ALWAYS hazardous. At the least, one risks making third parties angry by spending too much time flirting and not focusing on the job.
lenona at July 16, 2018 3:12 PM
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