Mom Bullies Son To Teach Him A Lesson About Bullying
I'm not exactly one for coddling, but there's a point at which coddling crosses over into abuse, and it's when a mom sends her son off to be shamed by his classmates and shames him on social media. (Easier and flashier than talking to him about empathy and instilling some values.)
The definition of bullying, via my Mac's dictionary:
Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants: a local man was bullied into helping them.
Ugly behavior from a mother in Texas, reported by Katherine Marchand at the ABC station there:
PLENDORA, Texas (KTRK) -- A Splendora mother who heard her son had been bullying kids at school came up with a creative way to teach him a lesson."He was calling other boys 'stupid', calling them 'idiots,'" said Star, who wanted to be referred to by her first name.
When Star learned what her son was doing, she had him wear a t-shirt that read "I am a bully" to school on Friday.
"I'm a very old-school parent," said Star. "I don't coddle my children. I don't sugar coat the world to them."
She even posted the pictures on Facebook, but she told ABC13 she did not do that to embarrass her Greenleaf Elementary fifth grader.
"I posted it to reach out to the parents of any of the kids my son may have bullied so that each one of them could get a personal apology," said Star.
That smells like what we call "post-hoc bullsheeeet."
Negative comments forced her to remove the post but she stands by her decision."I wanted to know what he learned from it and he said, 'I learned that I didn't like the way that that felt and I don't want anybody else to feel that way because of me,'" Star said. "That's exactly what I wanted him to take from it."
What I'd actually like to do is to use the form of mediation I was trained in to bring together bullies and those they bully to get them to talk and empathize -- to see each other as "co-humans" (a term I came up with in "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck.")
Actually, it looks like they have the option to do this in Australia. And very importantly, those invited to participate have the option to decline, and they note that it's not necessarily appropriate for all situations.
via ifeminists
Honestly, I don't see what she did was terrible. Though I give the kid credit for being smart enough to take the right lesson from it.
A more fragile or less astute kid might have simply resented his mother for doing such a thing.
Patrick at September 23, 2018 5:23 AM
Mediation works when both sides are willing to accept a mutually-beneficial solution. Bullies typically don't want a solution that even-minimally benefits the other side, especially fifth grade bullies; they operate more on an animal level. Jockeying for position in the social hierarchy is tough at that age.
The kid was astute enough to take from it the lesson intended. Good thing, too; therapy bills can be expensive. I think the fact that he was calling them "stupid" and "idiots" indicates he may be fairly intelligent, or at least ahead of them in class, and thus was able to take away the intended lesson.
Conan the Grammarian at September 23, 2018 8:24 AM
""I posted it to reach out to the parents of any of the kids my son may have bullied so that each one of them could get a personal apology," said Star."
Posting something on Facebook and calling it a "personal" apology is what I call lame.
charles at September 23, 2018 8:29 AM
Ahem. Does this mean that the judge who puts people on the street in front of WalMart, wearing "I am a shoplifter" sign, is a bully?
Everybody's in the championship for hurt feelz.
Not buying it.
The most effective people I know eat what is set in front of them.
Radwaste at September 23, 2018 8:39 AM
The Dispute Resolution Center (http://thedisputeresolutioncenter.org/) serving Washtenaw and Livingston counties in Michigan where I received my SCAO mediator training is involved in teaching restorative justice to students in local schools. Here's one article that gives some information about one of the school programs run by students: https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/2016/05/young_citizen_transforms_schoo.html
Dalynn Park at September 23, 2018 10:18 AM
"He was calling other boys 'stupid', calling them 'idiots'"
That's all? Were the other boys his friends? I wouldn't even call that bullying. Most boys call their friends and brothers worse things than that.
I work with adolescents for a living. If that's the worst I heard them calling each other I'd worry they were getting along too well and secretly plotting something together.
Ken R at September 23, 2018 11:51 AM
Patrick wrote:
Honestly, I don't see what she did was terrible. Though I give the kid credit for being smart enough to take the right lesson from it.
Agreed on both counts.
Unrelated: There's a town in Texas called "Splendora"?
Kevin at September 23, 2018 12:05 PM
I was trained in to bring together bullies and those they bully to get them to talk and empathize -- to see each other as "co-humans"
That's a good one. But this story is about 5th-graders.
Where I work (with teenagers) there are "Licensed Clinical Therapists". They have masters degrees. When they're new, fresh out of an institution of higher education, they're experts on psychology and behavior modification and know all kinds of artful, psychological strategies for managing the behavior of obstreperous adolescents. But gradually they gain experience.
I'd love to be there when one of them tries telling a group of feuding adolescents that they are "co-humans". "Talk" and "empathize" they've all heard before. But "co-human" would be something new. When the feuding parties become co-hecklers of the Licensed Clinical Therapist I guess she could say she succeeded.
Ken R at September 23, 2018 1:10 PM
Kids that age might like a T-shirt that says "I am a bully", especially if it has some sort of waggish image on it. What if "I am a bully" T-shirts become a fad?
Ken R at September 23, 2018 1:43 PM
Too late:
https://smile.amazon.com/I-Am-a-Bully-T-Shirt/dp/B07HJK7MKH/ref=as_at/?linkCode=w61&imprToken=fcI-JXdlFKac9rVHQE0CfA&slotNum=0&ie=UTF8&qid=1537735473&sr=8-2&keywords=I%2Bam%2Ba%2Bbully&customId=B07537YDVM&th=1
Order through Amy's link.
Ken R at September 23, 2018 1:49 PM
This time I have to disagree with Amy. Mediation only works in cases of honest disagreement, not when malice is involved. Try to pretend malice does not exist and people will and should laugh.
jdgalt at September 23, 2018 3:33 PM
Not an excuse but, this is Texas.
Feebie at September 23, 2018 9:50 PM
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