We Learn By Doing, Not Avoiding -- Which Means Parents Rob Their Kids By Letting Them Take The Avoidy Way Out
There may be some child with serious mental health issues who is deeply traumatized about standing up in front of people.
If so, that child should be getting special therapy to help them through this.
I write in "Unf*ckology" about a very effective type of therapy -- exposure therapy -- which involves repeated exposure to the stuff of one's irrational fears in order to see that they are overblown.
But these days, everybody's "traumatized." By pretty much everything.
Accordingly, Taylor Lorenz has a piece in The Atlantic about how some teens want to do away with class presentations.
(Other teens want to do away with waking up to go to school before 2 p.m. -- but nobody's taking that seriously.)
Lorenz:
In the past few years, students have started calling out in-class presentations as discriminatory to those with anxiety, demanding that teachers offer alternative options. This week, a tweet posted by a 15-year-old high-school student declaring "Stop forcing students to present in front of the class and give them a choice not to" garnered more than 130,000 retweets and nearly half a million likes. A similar sentiment tweeted in January also racked up thousands of likes and retweets. And teachers are listening.
Shame on them for doing it -- again, save for those few mentally unwell children.
Guess what: Life is filled with a need to be able to do "class presentations."
I know, because I've spent years working on improving as a speaker, and I sure sucked at it when I started. I was also terrified.
But after years of work -- and more hours spent learning to talk for my TED talk than anyone would find reasonable -- I'm now, finally, comfortable in my skin in a way I never was when talking to groups in public.
I just love that.
I sucky-suck-suck-suck-SUCKED! But I worked, and worked, and worked, and then some, and I finally got better.
I guess I'm lucky that I never had the idea that I could just crawl under the desk and avoid speaking at all.
"Nobody should be forced to do something that makes them uncomfortable," says Ula, a 14-year-old in eighth grade, who, like all students quoted, asked to be referred to only by her first name. "Even though speaking in front of class is supposed to build your confidence and it's part of your schoolwork, I think if a student is really unsettled and anxious because of it you should probably make it something less stressful. School isn't something a student should fear."
I hope these students she spoke to are atypical. Somebody please tell me parents are not raising an entire generation that expects life to double as a big marshmallow pillow chair.
Ula - and any other snowflake who might be reading this:
There is another name for a person who cannot cope: victim.
Those of you who cannot stand up for yourselves will be ruled by those who can.
It is a basic interest of the ruling class to enable your failure. You might want to think about that.
Radwaste at September 18, 2018 10:04 PM
Weakness is strength. Victimhood is power.
Patrick at September 18, 2018 11:58 PM
Learned Helplessness - nothing new here. It’s been described for many decades, although the terminology has changed over time. Learning to be a neurotic little twit so the world will pass you by.
Wfjag at September 19, 2018 12:07 AM
It’s a learning experience. Sometimes for others in what not to do. At least that’s how my school public speaking went. But I learned.
Joe j at September 19, 2018 4:20 AM
Michael Anton Rebuts (In Fact, Already “Pre-Butted”) NR’s Latest Defense of Birthright Citizenship
https://vdare.com/posts/michael-anton-rebuts-in-fact-already-pre-butted-nr-s-latest-defense-of-birthright-citizenship
Snoopy at September 19, 2018 5:35 AM
I received a letter from someone who was raped by Diane Feinstein. I demand an investigation and also that she resign before the investigation is completed.
Snoopy at September 19, 2018 5:40 AM
By the way, I'll be forever grateful to my friend Debbie, who came with me to KCAL when I first got to LA, because I was so terrified to appear on TV that I thought they'd have to peel me off the ceiling after an adrenaline surge.
But I went and I did it -- probably around the year 1998 or 1999. And I spent the next 20 years working on getting comfortable in my skin (and comfortable in my skin on TV) and I'm there now, which is just fucking great.
I had to put in much more time than anybody else would to do this, but as I see it, you just do what's needed. You'll be better at some things than others and suck more than others at some -- which I sure as hell did with speaking!
But now it feels like the coolest accomplishment. And PS If you're not there yet, I have some great calm-the-fuck-down techniques in "Unf*ckology" that I wish I'd had, like reappraising fear as excitement, per Alison Wood Brooks' research.
Amy Alkon at September 19, 2018 6:05 AM
The Goddess writes:
Amy, I don't doubt that you had to put a lot of time into overcoming your trepidation, but to say that you "had to put much more time into this than anybody else would" is an overstatement. I'm sure there are people in this world who would and did have to work even harder than you did to be comfortable appearing on television.
It smacks of Donald Trump's emphatic and repeated declaration, "I'm the least racist person there is." Notice that he didn't say that he's among the least racist or that he's as far removed from racism as anyone could be, but that he's the least racist person there is.
In other words, every single person on the planet is more racist than Donald Trump.
Patrick at September 19, 2018 6:21 AM
There’s a lot of useless crap students have to do. But presenting in front of the class (and even the dreaded group project) have real-life applications.
In fact, I’d say presenting and doing group projects (my least favorite things in high school) are the ONLY things that have actually served me in the workplace.
The things that made me most uncomfortable are the things I needed most to succeed. I learned to channel my anxiety into preparing obsessively for public speaking/presentations. Which, turns out, is a good thing.
sofar at September 19, 2018 8:04 AM
Exposure therapy (linked to cognitive therapy) is one of the few things that has been shown to work with phobias and OCD. When a person has anxiety, the brain can get stuck in a loop of repeatedly checking if something bad is going to happen. This therapy tones down this checking and reduces the anxiety.
If you expose yourself to hardship, things you are afraid of, in the context of control and learning coping skills, you become a more competent person. For example, there is no excuse for people screaming when a moth flies in their face.
As for public speaking--a key is to study the subject to the extent that you clearly know it better than anyone in your audience AND have prepared your presentation so well that no one can raise their hand and say "in slide 3 you made a mistake". Both of these simply require practice. School provides it, Toastmasters provides it. Life requires it in many (not all) jobs.
cc at September 19, 2018 8:23 AM
"Nobody should be forced to do something that makes them uncomfortable,"
I hope these students she spoke to are atypical. Somebody please tell me parents are not raising an entire generation that expects life to double as a big marshmallow pillow chair.
Sadly Amy, I don't think anyone can tell you that. From where I sit there is a large slice of feminists and beta-orbiters and neo-socialists that are saying exactly these things, and the kids are buying into it. Radwaste got it in one.
bkmale at September 19, 2018 8:51 AM
Being able to present in front of a group is part of being a friggin adult, and kids should not be sheltered from it.
I recall that almost everyone had to take public speaking at my university. Additionally, biz majors had to take “Voice and Diction.”
In AP political science, we had one project that involved acting as a news anchor and being filmed. (I really hated that one. I’m not photogenic.)
In my company, almost all everyone in Communications and quite a few in Gov Affairs take professional media training. If I ever get the chance, I’d jump at it. (Admins don’t need media training, though, so I don’t see that happening.)
ahw at September 19, 2018 10:10 AM
Tough tit, kid.
In what I suspect is related parental-fail news, grown-ass young adults now don't seem to know how to obtain a postage stamp:
https://wtop.com/local/2018/09/why-college-students-dont-vote-absentee-they-dont-know-where-to-buy-a-postage-stamp/
Kevin at September 19, 2018 10:40 AM
"Steven, you're a man now. And being a man means you gotta spend your life doing crap you don't wanna do." ~ "Red" Forman (from That '70s Show)
In-class presentations are preparation for many things you may encounter in life - including interviews, on-the-job presentations, public speaking engagements, eulogies, etc.
"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means, to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
By allowing Ula to avoid in-class presentations, her teachers would be leaving Ula to be ruled by her fears.
Conan the Grammarian at September 19, 2018 11:54 AM
I have to admit we have fewer expectations of the guy in the casket.
And Kevin, if you fell for that postage stamp line then shame on you. Of course they could find a postage stamp. At least if they actually wanted to.
Ben at September 19, 2018 2:01 PM
Conan:
How lacking in perception you are.
By allowing Ula to avoid in-class presentations, her teachers will be allowing Ula to rule others by demanding special accommodations merely by stating she fears something. Whether she genuinely is fearful or not.
Patrick at September 19, 2018 2:54 PM
"In other words, every single person on the planet is more racist than Donald Trump."
I have a picture of Trump sitting with Jesse Jackson, with Al Sharpton whispering something urgent in his ear... while holding his hand.
Top that.
Elsewhere, a football coach cannot even breathe an idea as to why his own team is 70% black. Who's the racist?
Radwaste at September 19, 2018 3:20 PM
What a bitter little man you are.
Conan the Grammarian at September 19, 2018 5:43 PM
Little Ula is just ruling over her teachers. Ala and Bala don't have to do reports either. Her accommodations aren't so special when they apply to the whole class.
Ben at September 20, 2018 6:28 AM
Conan:
What a triggered little snowflake you are.
Patrick at September 20, 2018 10:53 AM
Patrick, it takes an awful lot to trigger me. And you don’t have what it takes. Growing up, I dealt with bigger bullies than you and, if that’s the best you’ve got, go home you bitter little man, you’re outta your league.
Conan the Grammarian at September 20, 2018 11:05 AM
Oooh, I'm so impressed. You sure told me.
And the fact that you think it's even possible to be bullied over the internet speaks volumes about how fragile you are.
Patrick at September 20, 2018 2:36 PM
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