In Celebration Of Material Possessions
I'm not entirely in tune with everything in this Aeon piece by Nick Thorpe, but it made me put a behind-the-scenes thought I'd had into words: how irritating I find it when people sneer at the idea of "possessions," of "stuff," and of people caring about their stuff.
As I tweeted:
I love my "stuff"--evening gown skirts I've collected & wear, a framed drawing from the late Marlowe Minnick, a cork from a Paris dinner, cards/African arrows/bracelets from @Gurdur, @nancyromm's fake flowers, A painting by my late bubbie that she said to take off her wall & keep https://t.co/Qho293PKBa
— Amy Alkon (@amyalkon) January 20, 2019
So many of my possessions are flags from my life. I have those flowers from Nancy in vase on ledge over my desk. They remind me of the wonder that is Nancy. & I put Post-it on vase, ''Slow, clear!" for when on radio. BF put note on other side: "Fast! Indecisive!" Makes me laugh.
— Amy Alkon (@amyalkon) January 20, 2019
Here's my exchange with Tim Skellett (@Gurdur) on the African arrowheads and bracelets:
If you want to know how much "stuff" actually matters to us, think about people who've lost homes in recent fires. No more goofy photo of their relatives in 1900 at some picnic, no more yearbooks or mementos from their first date, no more of so much of their lives.
I don't feel I have to always be buying some new thing -- and I sure don't dress to follow the crowd. However, I think that our "stuff" connects us to our lives and the people in them, or makes our lives easier, which is not to be sniffed at. My pill cutter for multiple pills saves me countless hours a year that I'd spend doing utterly boring work -- chopping pills in half one at a time. This gives me time for the people and activities I love.
It's not the physical things we covet, it is the memories and emotions they evoke in us. And that is what makes us human, the ability to remember and immerse ourselves in those memories.
Jay at January 22, 2019 4:51 AM
I love my stuff too, but I have to keep reminding myself that if I were to die tomorrow in an accident, my relatives would dump most of my stuff at Goodwill, including many of my nostalgic items - and I REALLY don't like that idea, so I have to keep finding excuses to weed out books, especially, and make sure they go to a good home, such as a library sale. Besides, empty space is often far more attractive and refreshing than anything you might trip over, due to lack of space.
Two maxims that work well, IMO:
"Have nothing in your house that is not beautiful or useful."
-William Morris, British designer/novelist, 1834-1896.
(not verbatim) "Happiness is not having possessions - but lots of money."
-Quentin Crisp, British wit/author/performer, 1908-1999.
lenona at January 22, 2019 7:14 AM
Sneering at what matters to others is a way of making yourself feel superior to them.
Getting others to sneer with you is an affirmation.
Sneering at people's stuff is a cheap way to feel superior. You don't have to go out and buy anything to travel anywhere, just sneer.
Conan the Grammarian at January 22, 2019 7:17 AM
Jay, I find it's the physical things that I covet.
I mean, yeah, emotions are how desires register in our hearts.
But it's not feelings that I want, it's a 1965 Gibson Byrdland, spruce, preferably blonde finish (but we can discuss maple).
Price generously negotiated with condition... I don't wanna take a good piece from the marketplace of actually-talented players.
But I want a *'65*. Gimme one of THOSE.
My feelings, and everyone else's, will take care of themselves without our conscious management.
Crid at January 22, 2019 7:38 AM
"it's a 1965 Gibson Byrdland, spruce, preferably blonde finish (but we can discuss maple)."
You don't ask for much, do you? Just kidding. To this day I regret that I couldn't scrounge up $400 in 1980 to buy my brother's girlfriend's Minimoog.
Cousin Dave at January 22, 2019 7:50 AM
You can buy 'em in software now, but I want the little white wheel.
Crid at January 22, 2019 8:17 AM
Stuff isn’t the enemy. It’s holding on to stuff you don’t actually want because you’ve just let it accumulate. With clutter, I find myself often unable to enjoy the things I love because I can’t find them.
So, yes, I regularly do the “spark joy” thing on my clothing and momentos and books and edit them down. So the stuff that’s left is all stuff I love or use. And I get to see it every day instead of it being crumpled in the back of a closet somewhere. I keep a lot of physical photos but frequently give away the double copies to family and toss the “bad” shots (like the concert photo with someone’s head in the way). Or keep only the very best shot out of eight trial photos.
We have opted to live close to the city which necessitates a small house. I simply can’t keep all the things my parents have passed down so I’ve had to make some choices. Like donating all the China except for a place setting from my mom’s set that is displayed on a shelf. My in-laws have also given me 8 closets worth of Indian clothing. I donate a lot of it and keep the pieces I love the very most, as much as I’d love to keep it all. I keep all the street maps of places we’ve travelled to, but toss a lot of the random brochures we’ve collected.
Stuff is not the enemy. It’s the mindless accumulation of stuff.
sofar at January 22, 2019 8:43 AM
Stuff is not the enemy. It’s the mindless accumulation of stuff.
sofar at January 22, 2019 8:43 AM
This is true of so many things. Food is not the enemy either. It is mindless nibbling. And eating quickly because you have to be somewhere,
Somethimes I think I have a lot of stuff, then I walk into other people’s houses, and think, no, I’m not even close to that level of useless junk.
Isab at January 22, 2019 9:03 AM
Aesop's The Fox & The Grapes fable comes to mind:
http://www.read.gov/aesop/005.html
There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their reach.
Sixclaws at January 22, 2019 9:55 AM
>"Have nothing in your house that is not beautiful
>or useful."
>-William Morris, British designer/novelist,
>1834-1896.
"Have no attachments. Allow nothing to be in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds if you spot the heat around the corner."
--Neil McCauley
Dwight Brown at January 22, 2019 10:02 AM
"...people sneer at the idea of "possessions," of "stuff," and of people caring about their stuff..."
These people either don't have stuff and are envious or (maybe "and" also) think the stuff they do have doesn't count.
Simplifying your life and suggesting others do the same is fine and probably admirable, but denigrating others because they don't live the way you want them to is not.
iowaan at January 22, 2019 10:23 AM
Stuff is not the enemy. It’s the mindless accumulation of stuff.
______________________________________
Or, one might say, mindless shopping for things, whether permanent or temporary, that you lose interest in as soon as you've bought them. It's not just that it's bad for the environment (even second-hand goods have to be transported, after all), but that it's a an infantile habit that puts selfish whims on the same level, or higher, as one's needs - or other people's needs. It reminds me of an anecdote about a mother and a sobbing child in a department store:
Mother: "Now, darling, you simply cannot come in and buy everything you see."
Child: "But Mommy, YOU do!"
And, from this 2010 thread:
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/07/01/give_the_lady_a.html
Quote:
I think that when dealing with kids, especially, parents should think twice before citing lack of money as a reason for not buying something. It's very depressing for kids to hear constantly the words "we can't afford it" when they're surrounded by people who SEEM to be richer than that but are probably just deeper in debt. More importantly, though, kids should not be allowed to get the idea that lack of money is the only valid reason for a parent not to fork over on command, for obvious reasons.
So what do you say to kids instead? Just that: "It's not good for you." Or, in different cases: "Earn it." One example of that would be the case of kids who insist that certain overpriced commercial foods always taste better than anyone's home cooking. As Amy Dacyczyn wrote: "Kids seldom want anything enough to earn it, and if it's not important enough to them to work for it, why should I?"
Let's face it, that philosophy sounds horrible and cruel only because hardly anyone seems to practice it anymore. Likewise, too many kids get the idea that shopping for necessities at yard sales and thrift stores is shameful, not smart.
lenona at July 1, 2010 8:10 PM
I agree that parents shouldn't just say, "we can't afford it."
My parents always used to say that. At some point I realized that it was not true. They had money for things that were important to them.
They were actually pretty "good" with money, but I'm not sure that I agree with all of their choices.
We lived in several homes that are now valued at more than a half a million dollars each, yet we couldn't afford to go to the movies, have birthday parties, etc. We only had three outfits. Of course the homes were professionally decorated.
We tell our children that we can afford just about anything that is important to us, but not everything. We have to make choices. We think that it is important to have money for retirement, college, and to always have insurance. Most other things are negotiable. We talk about priorities and how you can't have it all. You have to decide what is important to you.
Our boys have been able to travel and play sports. They have had extra instruction in subjects that interested them. This costs money. It may not "pay off", but they do know that we value them enough to invest in them and their enjoyment.
We all make decisions based upon our priorities.
Jen at July 1, 2010 8:56 PM
lenona at January 22, 2019 10:28 AM
Isab wrote: Somethimes I think I have a lot of stuff, then I walk into other people’s houses, and think, no, I’m not even close to that level of useless junk.
Sometimes I miss living in a part of the country where houses have basements. And then I see what people keep in their basements and realize it’s probably for the best that we don’t have one. Some of our closets are pretty packed, but, when it starts to bother me, it’s one Saturday, tops, to slay that clutter-dragon.
sofar at January 22, 2019 12:12 PM
I think the denigration of other people having too much stuff can be several things:
1) I am superior to people who need stuff
2) I have nicer stuff
3) I spend my money on eating out and vacations rather than stuff.
We are all so competitive with each other.
cc at January 22, 2019 1:51 PM
@CC,
I think I might add #4, and that is envy due to a lack of available space -and sometimes money- for them to store all the tchotchkes they would like to buy.
Sixclaws at January 22, 2019 5:40 PM
Btw, there's another good reason to CHOOSE to limit material possessions in one's own life - sooner or later, you'll have to pay people to move it. If your job makes you move more often than you expected, well...
lenona at January 23, 2019 6:44 AM
And I'll admit that anti-materialist people who aren't that sociable probably can't really claim that they value people more than their possessions.
But those people who see no reason not to keep up with the Joneses as much as they can afford, while neglecting the needs of their friends, their relatives - AND their intellectual lives (that is, they can't be bothered to read books or newspapers rather than watching TV news), are hardly harmless to society - especially if they have children who will likely imitate them, or at least feel unloved by their parents.
lenona at January 25, 2019 8:11 AM
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