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Wedding Bills Are Ringing

This is our first (and we hope, only) marriage. My fiancee and I are both in our thirties, in management jobs, with two full households of nice stuff that we'll combine after the wedding; hence, there isn't much of interest to register for. We could, however, use some help with our expenses (reception and honeymoon), and my fiancee wants a wide-screen TV. Is it appropriate to ask for appliance warehouse gift certificates or help with the honeymoon? We hope there's some better option than returning a bunch of toasters.


REGISTERING FOR wedding gifts would make more sense if you and your fiancee were recent college grads with only a chipped mug and a heating coil between you. But, now that you're successful thirty-something executives, what gifts can your friends get you that you don't already have in duplicate -- Tupperware by Hermes? Diamond-encrusted refrigerator magnets? A breadmaker that comes with Julia Child attached on a little silver leash?

There are, indeed, a number of online sites where you can register for a honeymoon. Surely, there are appliance warehouses that will let you register for a wide-screen TV. There might even be a caterer who will make guests dig into their own pockets to pay for their dinners. But, maybe, just maybe, the couple with everything shouldn't ask for everything else.

Consider a novel idea: Instead of asking your friends to finance the few luxuries you still lack, tell them that love is all you need, and ask that they turn your wedding into a windfall for your favorite charity. At your reception, thank everybody for their generosity, then take a moment to ponder what it all means: For just pennies a day, you can buy your way out of materialism!

Copyright ©2001, Amy Alkon, from her syndicated column, Ask The Advice Goddess, which appears in 60 papers across the U.S. and Canada. All rights reserved.