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Love Me Due

What’s happened to love in our society? I resent that women won’t even look at a man without money. I’m a guy, 28, who’s flat broke. I’m not some lifelong bum. Of course, even when I had money, it was hard to find women who weren’t married, screwed up, or too lacking in feminine features. Now, just because I’ve fallen on hard times, even women who aren’t that attractive won’t go for me. I’ve always said a couple should live as if they are homeless: Even if you have no roof, no food, no money, and no prospects, you still have one thing left. Yes, love. Shouldn’t love prevail, even in hard times?

--It Isn’t The Principle

Yes, yes, love should prevail! Not only should love prevail, Rene Russo and Ashley Judd should schedule a creamed-corn wrestling match to fight it out for yours. Of course, if one or both aren’t girly enough for you, you should be able to mosey down to the nearest bar, toss a pickup line to the most beautiful woman there, and have her follow you home like a dog on a trail of cubed steak. Choose your pickup line carefully. Something like “Buenos knockers” might win you points for foreign language skills, but with “Hey, baby, spare a quarter?” you’ll fill your bed while filling your pockets with much-needed change.

My, what a huge...sense of entitlement you have. It’s one thing to hope that a woman who loves you will stand by you when you’re down. It’s another thing entirely to expect all womankind to line up in lawn chairs at 6 a.m., rock concert-style, for a total stranger who’s down. No, women don’t want to hear there’s a wait where you’re taking them for dinner -- especially if it’s because you’ll be standing in line at a soup kitchen. (Luckily, you’re likely to have good seats for the movie -- that is, unless anybody’s standing in front of the appliance store window when you arrive.)

Why are women so shallow? Pretty much for the same reason you aren’t hitting on chicks who are ringers for Teamsters (down to the crew cut and the paunch). Contrary to the notion held by irate “flabulous” women who steer me to “fat acceptance” Web sites like “Fat!So?” (, what men find attractive is not a result of messages Vogue edit-atrix Anna Wintour secretly beamed into their brains. Actually, as anthropologist Donald Symons wrote, “Beauty is in the adaptations of the beholder” -- meaning that the adaptations men evolved to find beautiful are those which pointed to a woman surviving not only childbirth, but years of “Cave Mommy & Me” playgroups. Women, on the other hand, evolved to want Big Men On Campus. Not because they’ve looked forward, for generations, to making you miserable -- but because men of status and power could best support their furry little children.

Man-hunting women should go to the gym, then slap on some Revlon -- not waste their time e-whining complaints like, “What we need to hear is a collective ‘what-EVER!’ for the men who think that a few extra pounds make us instantly undesirable.” Woman-hunting men need to set about getting unbroke. (A shame you can’t earn a few bucks renting out space on that gigantic chip on your shoulder.) It might be hard to find a job, but it beats trying to find a single, gorgeous, well-adjusted babe to climb into the back seat and make out with you -- especially when there’s a wino on either side of you and the back seat’s bolted into some form of public transportation.

Copyright ©2003, Amy Alkon, from her syndicated column, "The Advice Goddess," which appears in over 100 papers across the U.S. and Canada. All rights reserved.