The Official Amy Alkon Website

All About Amy
New Columns
Really Old Columns
Goddess Blog
Amy's Book Picks
Amy's Links
Love Letters
The Pink Rambler
Contact Info


Booty Is Truth

I’ve had a crush on the bartender at a local pub. We’ve flirted, but I never made a move because I’d heard he had a girlfriend. Well, last weekend, I asked him if he was single. Not only was he single, he invited me to his place the next night for wine and music! We had a great time talking about various deep subjects and our mutual attraction. He said he’d just broken up with his live-in girlfriend and wasn’t looking for a relationship or interested in getting emotionally involved. I did stay the night, but I didn’t have sex with him. The next morning, he insisted I take his number. I called and left him a message, but he never called back. After a week of waiting, I saw him at the bar last night. I was a little angry and confronted him. He said he’d been busy and planned on getting back to me. If we didn’t share such a strong mental and physical attraction I’d move on. (He said he was drawn to me with his whole body!) Should I drop it or continue to flirt and pursue?

--Counting The Unhappy Hours

Men have a biological imperative, and it isn’t to lure women to wine tastings and music appreciation lectures. But, who do women go home with, the guy who invites them over for “wine and music” or the guy who asks, “Yo, how ‘bout we get hooched up and give each other rug burns?”

While honesty might generally be “the best policy,” even the dimmest man on the make knows that lying his pants off is far more effective in inspiring women to remove theirs. Savvy women understand this and respond accordingly (by hee-hawing with laughter) when they hear really doofy pickup lines like “Are you a model?” or Bartender Boy’s “I’m drawn to you with my whole body.” (Whaddya know, his dialing fingers became demagnetized shortly afterward!)

Your mistake is taking everything at face value -- everything except the stuff you don’t want to see or hear. Oh goody, a man gave you his number. Note that he didn’t ask for yours. Men who truly want to call a woman recognize the futility of randomly punching a telephone dial pad in hopes of hitting her number. But, oh happy day, this guy did say you should call him. Note that he also mentioned he’d just broken up with somebody, wasn’t looking for a relationship, and wasn’t interested in getting emotionally involved. In other words, there’s probably just one kind of call he’s looking for at the moment: the kind that’s preceded by the word “booty.”

This might explain why he wasn’t falling all over himself to get back to you when you called -- perhaps because you’d expressed a desire to sit around and chat about modern jazz, as opposed to a desire to get “likkered up” and rut like crazed weasels. Then again, maybe he was just busy, or maybe he didn’t care one way or another about seeing you again. Not to worry: He cares now. Berating a man for being ambivalent about wanting you is the best way to help him get stone-cold certain he doesn’t. Don’t read too much into it if he doesn’t shoo you off a barstool. Chances are, it has nothing to do with a desire to “wine and music” your brains out and everything to do with the bar being a public place.

Copyright ©2003, Amy Alkon, from her syndicated column, "The Advice Goddess," which appears in over 100 papers across the U.S. and Canada. All rights reserved.