Hmm. I could go either way on this one. Then again, I have a cat, and a boyfriend who spoils her more than I do.

I'll admit to being a "love me, love my pets" kind of person, but I could see where the guy might not like it, especially if he wants "alone" time with her. I'd work out some sort of compromise, but his comments kind of make me think that's not going to happen. That said, she's sounding pretty inflexible as well.

I was once with a woman who let her dog sleep with her. It was a miniature poodle. The next day after I had kicked it out of bed, the dog sneaked under the covers without disturbing them, and vomited on my side of the bed.

If you want a dog that thinks its in charge, let it sleep in your bed with you.

Cats are another issue - their behavior isn't going to change, but a dog's will.

"So why do you think you have issues with intimacy?"

Maybe a tad subtle. He-he... But seriously, I have always been a lover of animals. They are great therapy and they have a lot to teach us. However, they don't teach us anything while we are sleeping. Only one cat was charming enough for me to allow her onto my bed for five minutes, and then I was like..."okay, all done." It's my bed, not the SPCA van. Animals in bed = ewwwwww! Wake up Jane Goodall - it's a major turn off for both genders.

I think the fact that this issue has come up with the past THREE guys she's dated is pretty telling. One guy-okay, maybe he's just an animal-hater. Three suggests that she's the one with a problem. Or the problem could be these dogs specifically: maybe they're particularly big or loud or smelly or there's just too many of them. LW may need to take an objective look at her pets and see if there's any hygiene issues that can be fixed there.

what is WRONG with you?? must everyone you date share your views of dogs? this is why the other two dudes left. c'mon, now. this country is so great: people differ in their opinions. you have as much time as you want to spend with your dogs - until your boyfriend comes over.

geez-a-roni...

I think the fact that this issue has come up with the past THREE guys she's dated is pretty telling.

Exactly, Shannon. I love how she sneaked that in as a parenthetical, as if it's not really important but she'll throw it out there in the interest of full disclosure. If something keeps happening with every guy you date, it's likely on you. It's either that you're making the same mistakes over and over or that you're picking guys who make those mistakes. If Current Boyfriend really is an otherwise great guy, isn't that worth examining your own behavior, even if you don't think there's anything wrong? And if he really isn't an otherwise great guy, then that's partly on you, too, for the choices you're making in men. This extends so far beyond the dogs, LW.

Taking LW at her word that Current Boyfriend is otherwise a great guy, I have to conclude that he's been pushed pretty far to get to "disgusting" and "troubling."

this is not a simple matter of buying my dogs a nice dog bed

Do the dogs have their own bed(s) at all? Because if that's the case, that's not good for them or you. Dogs need a place that's theirs, be it a crate, a bed, or just a corner by the heating vent. A dog without his own safe place to go (other than his owner's bed) is an insecure dog, most likely. Could be contributing to the problem here.

As someone who has two (adorable) kitties who sleep in my bed, I'm still going to have to say to this woman, 'get a grip.'

The dogs aren't going to become emotionally impaired by having to sleep on the floor from time to time (or even always). Meanwhile, she's sabotaging (probably intentionally) any chances for intimacy with a human.

The whole idea of her 'relationship' with the dogs is pretty telling. I'm presuming, by her words, that she would like an intimate relationship with a (human) person, but her actions reflect someone at odds with that idea. Probably, the dogs are more controllable (and perhaps perceived to be more reliable). So, she uses them to gauge how controllable a potential mate will be (and of course, they fail, reinforcing her preconceptions).

My cats are perfectly fine being somewhere else during our 'bedroom time.' They don't resent sleeping in their other bed (or the clothes basket, if one happens to be left out).

Granted that cats are different from dogs (though mine are Manx, a fairly dog like breed of cat), but I had the same rules for dogs that I have with cats, and it wasn't an issue. They never showed any problem with being kept off of the bed.

If she really wants a good, intimate, relationship, she's going to have to defer to his comfort from time to time, and have the dogs take a hike. Unless he absolutely hates dogs (or cats), he's not going to freak out at the occasional 'bed mutt'.

Submit fail. Pressed the button too soon.

Should be ...

"Unless he absolutely hates dogs (or cats), he's not going to freak out at the occasional 'bed mutt', but it should never be the 'always' option."

God, I wish having my cats sleep elsewhere was a choice. One cat will scratch at the door all night if I don't let her in. I tried training her, but training cats is really challenging. One month with no sleep and the best I got was one or two 15-minute-long scratching sessions per night.

The dog was easier to get out of the bed. My husband really wanted her there, and I did not, because she's tiny, and I was constantly rolling over her or trying to avoid rolling over her. And the sound of her licking herself is disgusting and will wake me out of a dead sleep. I won that fight the day she peed the bed. My husband actually suggested that maybe he was the one who peed the bed.

Now she's perfectly happy in a tiny dog bed NEXT to our bed.

If your priorities are such that you'd kick a great guy out of bed before you'd roust a Great Dane, you'd better understand and accept that you're narrowing your choice of men.

This sums it up perfectly. If you're OK with narrowing the field to guys who love your dogs as much as you do, have at it.

If your priorities are such that you'd kick a great guy out of bed before you'd roust a Great Dane, you'd better understand and accept that you're narrowing your choice of men.

I thought that was the key phrase too, and what the LW needs to understand. No one is kicking my cats out of bed, and I understand completely that it limits my choices in women. Maybe the LW should join a kennel club.

I tried training her, but training cats is really challenging.

It's not easy MonicaP, but it can be done. I had a (sadly departed) cat that was a real bitch for waking you in the middle of the night for food. She tried everything - jumping off the wardrobe onto my bladder, pulling books out of the shelf, knocking things off the bedside table. I locked her out and she rattled the sliding door on its tracks with her claws. In the end I packed my gf off for a week's holiday and stocked up the bed with pillows and cushions. Every time she made a noise at night, she got a pillow piffed at her (and I'm a good shot, I can hit a moving cat with a spray bottle from 10 feet). Took about three or four nights for her to get the idea. Never had a problem after that.

I miss her.

" (This happened with the last two guys I've dated.) " is the real telling part to me.

Trying to come up with a general rule with this something like
Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me 3 times and I'm just a fool.

If you are running into the same strange behavior, it is something you are doing or need to redefine what strange really means.

Of course the mean side of me says hope she finds a guy who also wants to sleep with his pets, pet snakes that is. Maybe then she will realise what she is asking is unusual to say the least.

Sleeping with a dog is a red flag that a person lacks boundaries. Without rules, dogs become unruly, hyperactive, and confused. My last girlfriend kept her 100 lb lab between us on her waterbed (joy!). Subsequently she turned a well-trained dog into a slobbering, jumping, chasing menace who got maced by the UPS man. She couldn't understand why it happened. It helped me to see her lack of boundaries generally: friends coming and going into the house at all hours, etc. I foresaw arguments about why our kids lacked discipline too. So I got out of the bed, the house, and the relationship. My new dog has the run of my house except the couch and my bed and we get along great. Anyone interested in joinnig us must love dogs and discipline.

"the past THREE guys"

Old saying: if you meet more than three ass-holes in a given day, you're the ass-hole.

Do the rest of us a favor, LW. Put a big sign up 'Love Me, Love My Dog' on your doorstep. Wear doggy tees all the time. Get a LOT of dogs. Smell like dogs (Don't worry, the dogs won't mind)

But please let the dating population know exactly what they are getting into before trying a relationship with you. It will cut down on your disappointment with the two legged side of mammals.

I hate pets. Is there dating site for people who don't have pets?

"I won that fight the day she peed the bed. My husband actually suggested that maybe he was the one who peed the bed."-MonicaP

That is one of the funniest lines I think I've ever read!! Thanks for the laugh!

I dunno. I sleep with a big lab mix. I guess I would put him on the floor if I was single again, and someone came over.

More probably, the LW is just not that hot. If a girl is hot, she can sleep with her pot-bellied pig, and guys will say they love the smell of pig farts.

Oh, c'mon! You gotta be kidding, LW! Ever heard that relationships between mature adult humans are supposed to be two-way? The guys are not the problem: you're just not being honest with the guys you choose to let into your bed. Find guys who like "animal-sex" (if you're online dating, you should somehow work this into the emails before the first meetup) and stop whining because not everyone likes what you like and you're just too damn lazy to find out before you jump in the sack with them.

Yeah, BOTU, maybe for the first couple times they might (maybe more if they're into PBPs), but it would get old quick.

Everything gets old quick when you live with it.

"Trust me, this is not a simple matter of buying my dogs a nice dog bed, but a matter of an otherwise great guy not understanding or respecting my relationship with them."

What she is saying is that her 'relationship' with her dogs is one where they are in bed together every night. Which for most people is where your human 'relationship' takes place.

If this is her preference, why add the human into the mix at all? LW isn't seeing that her priorities are askew, and is chasing men away with her unwavering devotion to sleeping with dogs.

It really is as simple as finding someone who agrees with you on this. Like Amy said, it will narrow your field, but - so be it. Just make sure you make it clear up front that it's a non-neogtiable.

Look, everyone has their thing. Some of us like our pets to sleep with us and the rest of us are dumbasses. Just kidding... you get the point. Husband and I love our dogs, and if one of them stays on the couch after we've gone to bed either one of us is likely to be calling out to the dog to come to bed. It's our thing. A guy who doesn't like it would not be my choice. Limiting my field - maybe - but it's no different than wanting a guy who likes to hike, or shop, or sail, or play paintball, what the heck ever it is that I have passion for.

I do draw a line at letting them be in bed with us when we're getting sweaty. So no ewwww comments, please! :)

The older I get, the more I realize that pets are pretty much a pure liability and a bad life decision for all single people, everywhere. Not crippling, but bad....akin with a cigarette habit, out of control credit card debts, or untreated OCD.

They cost money (BIG money if they have health problems), get filth/hair everywhere, tie you down geographically and chronologically, and undermine your ability to make optimal housing decisions. You can't get rid of them short of killing them. Joy.

In return you get...what? Companionship? Warm fuzzies? As a single person you should be working on your social skills and learning how to get those out of PEOPLE....not settling for a fuzzy animal that will be an financial/chronological/hygienic alabatross around your neck.

My apologies to the sheep farmers and sled dog team owners everywhere....your animals make you money and are useful. Respect.

Dogs can sometimes be useful, but not as snuggle buddies, drooling all over your bed while you try to get it on with another person.

My daughter is a college student living off campus in a semi-shady area. I encouraged her to get a dog. She one-upped me and got a nice pair of pit bull mixes. Woe betide any douchebag who tries to enter her little apartment without permission. Works for me.

Eventually she'll graduate and will have to decide what to do with the dogs. Adult pit mixes won't be easy to unload. But as cold as it sounds, they'll have served their purpose after she graduates. And that's the difference: they're animals and servants, not masters. She's a human being, with a life infinitely more valuable than theirs. There's no way in the world I'd even consider dating someone who thinks animals should be on even remotely equal footing (or bedding) with people, even if she was the spitting image of Natalie Portman.

Other than that...what Peter said.

@Peter:

"....not settling for a fuzzy animal that will be an financial/chronological/hygienic alabatross around your neck"

Ya know, a lot of folks are financial/chronological/hygienic albatrosses to society and to other people. I've got a BIL that's been a drug addict for 20 years now. I'll take my dog and cats over that worthless POS any day of the week.

And my dog does not sleep in my bed. Never has, never will.

If a single person wants to sleep with 3 dogs, 4 cats and a chicken, well, they can make that choice. But they need to understand that the vast majority of potential partners will be turned off by that.

Ah, too funny. I spent the night with 3 cats in my bed, and my son spent the night with 2 dogs in his. This is normal for our house. We have lots of pets and most sleep with us.

But, as a pet owner, I have always known that some potential lovers are just not into pets. Then, if the relationship is worth it, I compromise and kick the cats out of the room at night (and send my son to his Father's for the weekend).

It is all about balance and priorities. As are many of our choices in life.

My dachshund is the love of my life and he sleeps with me, under the covers, every night. When I was in a relationship, my boyfriend who, when I was considering getting a dog in the first place, said, "It's either a dog or me" (I said, "I'm gonna miss you.") ended up loving the dog and calling him into the bed every night -after we finished messing around. I get that it's not for everybody but that doesn't mean I'm some kind of freak.

My dachshund is the love of my life and he sleeps with me, under the covers, every night. When I was in a relationship, my boyfriend who, when I was considering getting a dog in the first place, said, "It's either a dog or me" (I said, "I'm gonna miss you.") ended up loving the dog and calling him into the bed every night -after we finished messing around. I get that it's not for everybody but that doesn't mean I'm some kind of freak.

Sorry for the duplicate. The first time I posted I got an error saying it couldn't post.

Adult pit mixes won't be easy to unload. But as cold as it sounds, they'll have served their purpose after she graduates.

Hi. I used to volunteer in an animal shelter. I refused to work admissions at the front desk out of fear of what I'd say to people with this attitude. Because I cannot stand people who willingly accept the responsibility of ANY living thing and then "unload" it on someone else because it's convenient.

I do agree with you, however, that, when it comes to negotiable matters (like where Fluffy sleeps at night), the needs of your significant other need to come first. The LW's guy probably feels that the constant presence of a hair-covered (albeit lovable) drooling animal at bedtime is a turn-off, and the dog should sleep in another room.

I have a best friend who is just a couple of dogs and cats short of being a crazy dog and cat lady. She is one of those "love me love my pets" type and I have heard her boyfriends complain about it over the years. Except for the guy she was head over heels in love with! He refused to sleep with any animals in the bed and she made sure they were skeedaddled! What this tells me is that the poster hasn't met a guy yet she likes better than her pets! when she does the dogs and cats will be put out for the night!

Sofar wrote, understandably: "I cannot stand people who willingly accept the responsibility of ANY living thing and then 'unload' it on someone else because it's convenient."

This isn't an unreasonable position, of course. But my kid's safety in a shady neighborhood is infinitely more important to me than a couple of dogs she got from the pound. Trading two dogs for a couple of years of increased physical safety for a young woman is a no-brainer for me.

I do hope she keeps the dogs when she graduates and moves on. But even if she doesn't, these pits were on doggy death row anyway. She's at least given them a couple of years of life they'd not have otherwise had.

"this is not a simple matter of buying my dogs a nice dog bed"

Actually, yes, yes, it really is. It is precisely that simple a matter.

If he is really an 'otherwise great guy', then you're just sabotaging the relationship by manufacturing "issues" where there really aren't any.

One day you'll be old and lonely, and suddenly you will gain something called 'perspective', wondering why you wouldn't budge over something so silly and inconsequential.

'The guy I'm dating says it's "disgusting" and "troubling" that I let my dogs sleep in the bed with us'

If a guy really thinks you're disgusting and troubled, then why is he with you? More likely he's just fed up with your insistence that the dogs are more important than your relationship with him. In fact, I bet they're fed up with the fact that you manufacture "relationship issues" where there really aren't any.

There is a huge percentage of the population (according to my Vet) that crates their pets at night. I am now one of them. Used to be that the cat got to do whatever she wanted at night, much to my detriment, although i never allowed her to sleep on my legs; i just couldn't hack that. My husband, however, allowed it.

Then came children. Needless to say, the cat became a bit of an issue, what with running around in the middle of the night, thumping on the side of the bet for attention at 4am, trekking across my forehead at all hours, and generally making itself into a huge problem issue. I was up breastfeeding 3x per night, and with a cat who wanted uber-attention at 3 OTHER times of the night, i lost it.

We finally started crating her when our 2nd child was an infant. The Vet says it is not inhumane to do so... better that than an act of violence, as that was what it might have come to.

The kids are teenagers now, and we still crate the cat. Kittie is let out of her crate at 7:00am when the lights come on and everyone is eating breakfast and the day has started. She even runs to the crate when it's bedtime. She has a comfy pillow to sleep on, and is safe and warm in there.

People who allow their pets to rule the roost, well, they get what they ask for.

People who allow their pets to rule the roost, well, they get what they ask for.

Actually, I agree Bluejean Baby. I'm much more lenient with my cats, but then I don't have kids and have an irregular schedule. They pretty much get the run of the house, but - no means no. That means, you want food at 3am, you get pushed off the bed - gently but very firmly. Lots of other discipline too. They know exactly who is in charge.

Certainly, if you have a regular schedule, there is nothing wrong with locking up cats at night. If you're like me and you often have night work and can't guarantee you'll be up at a specific time, well that's different. But they know what's ok and what's not. And I'm typing around one who is being a pain in the neck and trying to sleep on the keyboard right now :) I don't mind that so much. If I tell her to move she will.

although i never allowed her to sleep on my legs; i just couldn't hack that.

One of mine likes to sleep *between* someones legs. Quite frankly, anyone will do (I describe her as a little slut, and it's a pretty accurate description). A friend of mine stayed overnight and when we went for breakfast told how she had woken up with "something hairy between her legs". Which caused some slight spluttering problems at the next table :)

But, I bet she never had a boyfriend who peed on the rug, chewed her expensive shoes, and licked up his own vomit.

Maybe that's what she really wants & doesn't know it.

This is a joke right? THREE guys have told you this? How soon after they said this did you end the relationships? I would NEVER let my boyfriend tell me that. It's not about letting her dog be in charge. It's about respecting her lifestyle. He's disgusted by it? That seems a bit extreme.

This is easy. If your partner does not feel comfortable with an animal in the bed for whatever reason, it is clear that you need to respect their wishes. It is just the physics of human interactions. If one person needs the other to walk slower because it is hard for him to keep up, the respectful thing to do is to slow down. Likewise when one person wants sex and the other not, sorry but the person who doesn't sort of has the say. And the same for people's need for animals out of their personal space. People who have pets assume that everyone has to be exactly like them and this is presumptive. We all have different needs but boundaries do need to be respected.