"Please quote me on that."

https://twitter.com/benshapiro/status/1189757002408267776

Related:

https://babylonbee.com/news/picture-of-trump-riding-hero-dog-into-space-battle-against-alien-fleet-prompts-flurry-of-fact-checks

Mostly True.

Mexifornia, the home of the homeless

https://twitter.com/TerribleMaps/status/1190003793448095744

Hey, Robert, does that include, oh, say, immigration law?

“I expect my fellow Americans to follow the law, the same way that we enforce any provision, any law, that we have right now."

https://dailycaller.com/2019/10/31/newtown-connecticut-beto-guns/

Geez, Stinky, that's a shitty thing to say.

And I now have an ad for the "#1 Latino Franchise Opportunity". Fiesta auto insurance or Fiesta tax service. On the other side is a Manscaped "waterproof manscaping trimmer".

The latter has...how should we say? interesting products, such as "Ball Toner" and "Ball Deodorant", and a slogan of "We Save Balls".

The slogan ties into Testicular Cancer Society.

Didn't see that coming.

As a fast-growing wildfire scorched a corner of Simi Valley, California, flames came within a few feet of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, and an unlikely hero may have saved the day.

The structure was threatened but undamaged Wednesday morning by the so-called Easy Fire. Goats that grazed on vegetation near the property are partially to thank for why the building remains standing.

In other words, goats are the G.O.A.T.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2019/10/30/easy-fire-ronald-reagan-presidential-library-simi-valley-california-goats/4098268002/

Huge, if true. Bacon lovers hardest hit.

https://dailycaller.com/2019/10/31/world-pigs-die-fever/

"Charging grandfather in girl's cruise ship death 'pouring salt' on wounds"

https://www.yahoo.com/news/charging-grandfather-girls-cruise-ship-041407425.html

3,400-plus comments. If there are any commentators who sympathize with the family, I haven't found them yet. (That's not surprising.)

Balls.

https://twitter.com/ComradeArthur/status/1190302614627504128

Those achievements put a man on the moon with computing power much less than your smart phone. I don't think these people can find their ass with both hands, a map and a smart phone with GPS.

School systems across the country are seeking to abolish honors classes, teach how math has been used to oppress people, and let truant students into gifted schools. Advocates say the moves are aimed at diminishing an achievement gap between demographic groups.

In one county, a busing initiative led to a populist uprising and rare bipartisan unity. Parents spanning races and parties say they did not ask for the changes, but politicians are pushing them through, anyway.

https://dailycaller.com/2019/10/31/honors-classes-math-racist-activists/

Beto drops out of the race because he was too darned honest.

No refunds!

A quote from one of Amy Alkon's books is the basis of the November puzzle in the Acrostics blog:

https://acrosticpuzzles.blogspot.com/2019/11/acrostic-for-november.html