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Future Hock
I'm sick and tired of dating women who won't put out -- money, that is. In
most cases, women don't even offer to go Dutch or pay the tip, let alone
treat me. Maybe other guys perpetuate this by paying for everything, but to
me, that's like being a sugar daddy. Women tell me, "That's the way it's
supposed to be." In 2002! Granted, some of my dates make less money than I
do. Ironically, it's generally those women who offer to pay for some things.
How come so many others are such cheapskates?
--Daddy Spend-A-Lot
YOU AND YOUR DATE enter a restaurant in 2002. You feel reasonably sure it's
2002 because your toaster is one of the few appliances in your life that
lacks Internet access. You're but an adapter cord away from editing digital
video on your clock radio. There's no time travel just yet, but there will
be...shortly after dessert. The waiter need only drop the check on the table
and -- POOF! -- it's 1954! Pay up, sucker.
Too many women clamor for equality only when equality means getting their
fair share of the pie. When it comes to paying for the pie, these same
clamorers get all "Betty Friedan who?" You know the drill: It's as if the
wait staff is walkie-talkie-ing the whereabouts of the check, Secret
Service-style, into an earpiece in the woman's ear so she can scurry to the
ladies' room in the nick of time. Should she botch her escape, she'll be
forced to feign temporary paralysis (curable with a wave of your Visa,
Mastercard, or Discover).
Free dinner tastes better, yes, but that's no excuse for the lame-o excuse
women give for eating it on a date: "It's traditional." (Translation: "Better
his wallet flapping in the breeze than mine.") These women should imagine
having a friend they have to pay for all the time. I believe the term for
this is "leech." If a woman considers herself a man's equal, her equality
shouldn't evaporate when the check comes.
Some selectively equal women don't think it's right to make a man foot the
entire dating tab; just the parts of it that run into the double and triple
digits...even when the man is their financial contemporary. He pays for the
seven-course meal and the movie tickets; the human siphons spring for the
popcorn at the movie. Nice!
Other women make a pretend effort to pay. As if they're inquiring whether
they should reach into a lion's mouth and feel around for canker sores, they
ask their date whether they might finance some or all of the check. To be
fair, some women dance this dance because they're not certain how a
particular man will react if they pay. Generally, there's another reason:
They're pretty sure the guy will feel obligated to turn them down. If they
really wanted to pay, they'd pick up the check...literally: reach for it,
snuggle it up to a credit card (one with their name imprinted on it), and
hand it to the waiter.
Personally, unless I'm dating a man who parks his yacht at a dock instead of
on the side of his bathtub, I'll pick up the check on every other date.
Should a man's culinary preferences extend into the restaurant stratosphere,
I'll pay whenever our meal doesn't arrive in an armored car. Other women
might prefer going Dutch. The point here isn't calculating each person's
outlay to the bent dime; it's that dating shouldn't send men to bankruptcy
court and women to the mall.
Copyright ©2002, Amy Alkon, from her syndicated column,
"The Advice Goddess," which appears in over 70 papers across the U.S. and
Canada. All rights reserved.
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