I'm a 21-year-old college student. I don't have trouble attracting guys, but I'm looking for someone who won't just like me for the outside. Online, before a guy even asks your name, he wants a picture. How do I get guys to move from "Pic Plz!" to a deeper connection? Even in person, it seems the minute guys know I have more to offer than my face or body they lose interest. When I feel a connection, the guy's looks don't matter because I know what it's like to be judged by appearance.

You might be right. It might be what they can't see in your photo that's chasing them away. Just wondering...when your picture was being taken, was that giant chip on your shoulder maybe on the ground behind you on a little leash?

Complaining that men want beautiful women is like complaining that you have to tuck cheese into your mousetrap and not a copy of the Financial Times of London. Looks are important to men. This isn't because men are shallow, disgusting pigs, but because they're hard-wired to want the women best equipped to pass on their genes. What men consider beautiful -- like youth, clear skin, long shiny hair, and an hourglass figure -- are indicators that a woman is healthy and fertile. Despite piles of data from David Buss and other evolutionary psychologists showing the male priority for female beauty to be pretty universal across time, cultures, and borders, many feminists insist looks aren't important or shouldn't be; that men only go for the hotties because they're brainwashed by the media. (As if the kind of face they put in Maybelline commercials is the only reason men aren't clamoring to see Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg curled up kittenishly on a bearskin rug in Playboy.)

You say, when you feel a connection, the guy's looks don't matter. The truth is, because you're a woman, they probably matter less. Studies consistently show women prioritize earning potential in men, but if there's one area in the looks department that matters, it's height. Women, overwhelmingly, want tall guys. How overwhelmingly? ABC News polled women to find out, lining up short men next to taller men. Reporter Lynn Sherr asked the women if there were anything that could make the shortest, a five-footer, irresistible. "Maybe the only thing you could say is that the other four are murderers," one woman replied. Another agreed, saying taller men with criminal records might've motivated her to look down for a man. Another put a finer point on that, saying she'd have considered the short man had the taller ones been described as "child molesters."

So, it seems we all have our cross to bear (some of us, while standing on a couple of phone books). Your looks are like a promotion at a car dealership, where the balloons and free hot dogs get 'em in the door, but you have to talk to the people stuffing their faces to see who qualifies as a buyer. Sure, some guys just wanna fool around with a hot bod (especially at 21), but if every guy loses interest the minute you show you've got "more to offer," it suggests the "more" you're offering is resentment, indignation, and spite. You need to accept that you can't get to the deep part without going through the "shallow" part. There are guys out there who'll be interested in what's in your heart -- you just might have to give them an evening or so to say everything that needs to be said to your cleavage.

I'm 23, my boyfriend's 28, and we've been together for four years. When we met, I had low self-esteem and didn't realize there was more to a relationship than straining for his approval. I've come a long way and have grown unhappy with our relationship. There's no romance, we barely have sex, he's totally lazy when we do, and he'll never make out with me, despite my telling him it's important to me and really turns me on. While I make an effort to dress sexy, be good-humored, leave him alone, take him out, leave him cute notes, and play coy, he's let himself go (sitting around packing on the chub). Last night in bed, his big paunch was pressing into me so hard, I couldn't breathe. Overwhelmed with resentment, I blurted out, "Jeez, you need a girdle!" I felt bad, but realized I also want to make him feel bad for not listening, not being affectionate, and for making me waste some of my young hot years with him. When I try to get him to stop taking me for granted, he just gets angry. I'm on the brink of leaving, but I truly love him, we've got pets together (two bunnies), and I'd miss his family. Also, he'd be devastated.

Of all the ridiculous reasons to stay in a bad relationship, at least you picked a cute one. You're actually going to stick around for increasingly occasional bad sex and near smotherings by a boyfriend who refuses to kiss you or pay attention to you...because Flopsy and Mopsy can't suffer the effects of a broken home?

Couldn't there maybe be a helpful accident, where they both mysteriously trip and fall in the stew pot? Or, where you come home and you're like, "Wow, that sure is one soft toilet seat cover!"? (Just kidding, everybody -- it's just been a while since I've gotten hundreds of angry letters from PETA.)

Of course, the bunnies and missing his mommy and daddy are just companion excuses to your star excuse, "I truly love him." Love is so oversold in our culture; it's supposed to be "all you need," "the answer," "forever." Just saying you have it is supposed to shut everybody up: "Sure, he beats me a little. But, I love him!" Well, okay then! As for this guy, what exactly do you love...the way he puts on his girlfriend-canceling headphones and stares deep into the television set whenever you talk about saving your relationship?

What gets you to the U-Haul place is figuring out what "I truly love him" is truly code for. Fear of being alone? Fear of change? Or maybe, "I've been campaigning for his approval for four long years, and dammit, I'm not leaving till I get it!" The ironic thing is, you'd probably have an easier time leaving if he gave it to you. And what's with trying to punish him? Okay, he's about as attentive as a potato. This isn't some nefarious secret he's been keeping from you. If there's anybody to resent here, it's the girl who keeps trying to beat a dead horse in hopes it'll get up and run like Seabiscuit. If you actually do value you, you see to it you're with people who also value you. If that newfound self-esteem stuff is merely talk, go ahead and stick around with him, but forget the slinkywear and show him the kind of skin that seems to turn him on. Your big decision: a tattoo of the TiVo remote or a cupid's arrow through a bag of Doritos?

The guy I've been dating for three months has only had one relationship, lasting a year. On the continuum of Friends With Benefits and serious dating, I told him I was generally more toward the serious side, and he said he's in the middle. He does sweet things for me and treats me really well, but he's NEVER verbal about his feelings or where he sees things going. I complained, and he said I "deserve better," but said he didn't want to say anything right then because it would be forced. Still, nothing's changed. His friends assure me he's "head over heels," but I'd like to hear it from him. He's the most solid guy I've met in years, but I'm a 38-year-old woman who wants kids, and I don't want to waste time in a dead-end situation.

There's a reason they don't put women in your position on interrogation duty at Guantanamo: "Why won't you tell me your feelings? Where do you see us next year at this time? Don't you love me? I'm 38, and I want a baby!" Sure, this is torture to a guy, but not the kind that's gonna make him talk.

I'm guessing your guy actually was "verbal" about how he's feeling. When you asked -- and asked and asked -- he probably told you "I dunno." And that's probably the truth. You know how girl parts are kinda different from boy parts? Well, girl brains and boy brains and hormones aren't exactly alike, either. Brain imaging studies show that men tend to have less brain matter for processing and verbalizing emotion, like a smaller orbital frontal area, says neuropsychologist Ruben C. Gur, "related to the ability to regulate and contextualize emotional experience." Research by Gur suggests that men's knee-jerk emotional response tends to be physical -- like socking somebody -- where women's is likely to be verbal. All in all, as Gur said to tell you, "some of the blunting of emotional expression in (your) boyfriend is part of being a biological male."

By the way, what's "the serious side of dating"? You sit around together in Amish shoes looking grim? A guy keeps seeing you because the fun outweighs the unfun. Any guy, even one who's looking to get serious. Of course, you should mention early on how much you want kids -- winnowing out men who can't picture themselves saying "Come to daddy" to anyone who isn't wearing a sequined g-string.

This guy has been telling you a lot, just not in girlspeak. He told you he's had a single one-year relationship -- which suggests his determination to marry and make babies may pale in comparison to yours. Still, he shows you in lots of ways that he's into you, he has some integrity, and he doesn't seem to be going anywhere. If you'd like that to continue, work harder to figure out what he's saying his way instead of stamping your feet and demanding he talk like a girl. Maybe consider vitrification, a new process for freezing your eggs, which might help you stop accessorizing for dates with a stopwatch. Dinner and a movie are more likely to lead to future dinners and movies (and then some) if you aren't spending the entire time silently screaming at your date, "My eggs are aging by the minute! After this movie, they'll be a whole 92 minutes older, and that's not counting the previews!"

My fiance, "Ted," and I are planning our wedding and moving into a new house. He's starting med school and I'm completing my Master's. Our problem is his 19-year-old sister, "Sue." During Ted's Army years, he moved three times. Sue transferred colleges to follow him every time. Their parents found this "cute." Sue throws tantrums, or rather, has "emergencies" (like needing furniture moved) at the worst times -- making Ted late to my college graduation, a friend's funeral, and surgery that could've left me in a wheelchair. Saying no means getting days of berating calls from Sue and their parents. Sue's planning another transfer -- here. Ted asked where she'd be living, and she said "with you." Ted said no way. Still, Ted's mother called me "to begin Sue's moving process." After I gently explained that we don't have room for her, his family stopped speaking to us. Ted's cut ties with his mother and sister before, but I'd hate for him to lose contact with his father. What's the polite way to handle this?

If his family has it their way, Sue'll do something "cute" like inviting herself along on your honeymoon. She'll be bouncing on the heart-shaped bed when you and your new husband open the door: "So...where are you two gonna sleep?"

You've got a mother-in-law-to-be who's actually demanding that you and her son have a child out of wedlock. Worse yet, the child's 19, and a gifted emotional blackmailer. Luckily, Ted seems to have a spine. The worrisome thing is, it seems to be a recent growth. It's bad that he was late to your graduation and your friend's funeral, but what's more important than surgery that could've left you in a wheelchair? The nurse asks, "Is there anyone we should call in case of emergency?" and what did you say, "Yes, but at the moment, he's helping his sister hang her new curtains"?

The guy is genteel enough to refer to the girl as his sister, but she's basically a big tumor with driving privileges. It seems the parents set her up to remain a little girl, and him to be her surrogate daddy and 24-hour handyman. It's a classic psychological trap: He gets guilted for saying no, feels like a chump for saying yes, but at the same time, gets props for being a wonderful brother. Also, like many people, he's probably loath to evaluate family in any objective way. While, in the face of some egregious act, it's easy to understand that "Friends Forever" is just a necklace, there's a notion with family members that you're supposed to say, "Oh, just back over me with your pickup a few more times. After all, we do share DNA!"

You've already handled this "the polite way": She's a parasite and you politely declined to host her. You and Ted need to handle this the strategic way, by agreeing on boundaries and a plan of action. Let him break the cruel news to his family: "I love you all, but what we say for our lives goes. If you don't like it, try to get over it. P.S. Berating calls will be sent to voicemail, and berating messages will be immediately erased." While it would be unfortunate if he lost contact with his dad, you can't control that. You're just two soon-to-be-newlyweds who'd like to be alone together. Yes, this means a young woman has gotten sad news about her living quarters, but try to keep in mind that it's Sue, not Anne Frank, who's being told there's no room in the attic.