This Week In Love Problems
In writing each weekís column, I come up with a bunch of funny lines, many of which never make it into print. A line from last weekís brainstorming that ended up on the editing room floor is ìA man who spends more time in the bathroom than you do is a man who should have a boyfriend of his own"...perfect, it turns out, for a letter that came in todayís mail:

Dear Amy,
I desperately need your help. I donít know what to do. I have a relationship with a woman I work with. I stay at her place a few nights each week and Iím falling in love with her after only three months. Last night she was showing me her family pictures and it freaked me out because I recognized her father. In fact, I know her father quite well. You see, for the last six years I have lived four days a week at my place and three days a week in a nearby city in my deceased motherís home. At my place, I live as a man. I live as a woman in my motherís home. As a transvestite I have been seeing this womanís father for over a year, and I love him also. We have talked about living fulltime together. I have had sexual relations with both of them the same day and it would hurt both of them if they found out. What do I do? I donít want to hurt either of them. However, I would like to live fulltime as a woman and enjoy my femininity. The only thing I have thought of is to invite the woman over to my place for dinner and be all dressed up in my feminine persona and see what happens. I would love to live with both of them. Please help. (Signature and city omitted)

*Just a note to anyone wondering if I make up stuff like this: Iím not that talented.