Crime Pays, It Just Doesn't Pay Me
The LA City Attorney just called me about George Gomez, my car thief. (The LA Times legal department weenies made me call him "Fred Lopez" in my story even though it was clear I had his real name, along with an answering machine message from him apologizing for stealing my car and a signed letter of apology.) Anyway, the City Attorney had contacted me once before, last August, to see if George had made his restitution payment of $75 this month" for the damage he'd done to my pink Rambler when he'd stolen it.

"$75 dollars this month!" I said. "That would be $75 more than I've ever gotten from George."

Well, she called me this morning to let me know that George was "in custody," and again asked if he's been "keeping up with his payments." (Of course he hasn't!) She told me he'll be in court this afternoon (she mentioned that he has "lots of parole violations" -- surprise, surprise!), and said if the judge thinks George isn't likely to pay, he'll throw him in jail for 180 days instead. This is fine by me, except the part about the 180 days in jail meaning he doesn't have to pay me.

I don't see why he can't combine jail and paying me. I think of it as "The Hamster Wheel Principle." Let him run on the wheel (or hammer out license plates) until he earns what he owes me, then let him out. That's the way it should be for all prisoners. Unfortunately, government isn't quite the cold, cruel bitch I am, so they'll probably just lock him up someplace with a better color TV than I have, and let him sleep off his time.