I was talking about this with someone I know - I said it seemed to me the problems with teenaged sex (pregnancy or STDs) could largely be avoided through the simple use of condoms. That these were in fact the same problems confronting *anyone* who has sex, so why not teach teenagers about birth control just like you would teach them to cook or balance a checkbook? Aren't they going to at least need to know this stuff someday, if not already?

The response I got was that teenagers are not *emotionally* ready for sex - that pregnancy and STD's aren't the only problems with it. This seems to me to be making a mountain out of a molehill. What do they think is going to happen to them? They will go through a breakup and get their poor little hearts broken? Um, newsflash - that happens to just about everyone. Do you really want your kid to be the last one on the block to learn these common lessons? Do you want your daughter to go on her first date at the age of 20, with a 22-year-old guy who has a long string of girlfriends? She's going to be completely at a disadvantage, due to her total lack of experience compared to his. She'd be better off if she'd been around the block a couple of times herself - she'd certainly be equipped with a better b.s. detector.

I tend to think people do better when they experience these things at a younger age. They learn that it won't kill them, that they get over it and the world doesn't come to an end. Isn't that simply an important part of growing up? Learning that we can get past our disappointments? Parents who try to shield their kids from any possible disappointment aren't doing them any favors. They're just keeping them in the dark, inexperienced, and developmentally behind everyone else their age.

"I was talking about this with someone I know - I said it seemed to me the problems with teenaged sex (pregnancy or STDs) could largely be avoided through the simple use of condoms. That these were in fact the same problems confronting *anyone* who has sex, so why not teach teenagers about birth control just like you would teach them to cook or balance a checkbook? Aren't they going to at least need to know this stuff someday, if not already?"

Exactly. All great points.

Normally I don't do this, but I'll copy in a paragraph from my Advice Godess column that's not in papers yet -- just transmitted it yesteday:

BY AMY ALKON, FROM THE SYNDICATED COLUMN, THE ADVICE GODDESS: ...While condoms are not 100 percent effective as birth control, they still beat hope hands down. Unfortunately, the abstinence education crusaders seem to have missed out on human nature education, an important element in preventing unwanted pregnancies. There they are, telling kids to abstain from sex, which is fun, when they could be telling kids to abstain from debt, which is the opposite of fun: “Let’s see, boys and girls, you could put that $500 you earned into a new stereo system for your car…or a breast pump, diaper bins, and a stroller.” Hellooo, latex!

This idea that they can teach children not to have sex before marriage makes me sick.

Shit what about gay kids who can't even get married. I am so lucky that when I was in high school in the late 80's we were taught about stds and pregnancy.

I didn't have full on anal intercourse till my 19th birthday but atleast I knew how to do it safely.

People who want to teach this marriage shit are living so foolish. They think that their children are perfect little hetero angles. Whatever.

Are you suggesting there's a fallacy with trying to teach sex-crazed teenagers abstinence while whilst pushing viagra for old people? That's crazy-talk!

All my life I have struggled with men rejecting me because I am fat, it has seriously affected my self esteem and my frequently transient relationships. I have gone online for ten years now seeking out men to perform oral sex on and have had lots but still I feel empty and used because all they want is for me to give them oral sex when what I think I really want is to be loved. My daughter has started to do the same things and it worries me. Can anyone help me? If you can contact me.

The comment above sounds supiciously like a fake.. but if it isn't...

Get yourself to therapy, ASAP.

And yes, you'll probably feel empty and used until you stop advertising yourself as someone who wants to be used.

Unlike most parents, I have consistently told my children that waiting until marriage for sex was unrealistic and idiotic. We have always talked about safe sex and, more importantly, how sex changes relationships emotionally. I taught public high school for seven years, and during that time I had to teach sex ed during Advisement (homeroom) for 11th and 12th graders. It was always amazing to me how clinical sex ed curricula is/was. Kids didn't want to talk sperm meets egg. They wanted to know if you can get AIDS by oral sex, why there is a double standard for women who have a lot of sex as opposed to men, why girls say no when they mean yes, and so on and so on.

Some people in my family have found my parenting despicable because I have a condom drawer that I keep stocked for my kids without question, and I don't preach abstinence. So, when my 16 year old became pregnant (she had taken a round of antibiotics while on the pill, which unbeknownst to us rendered the pill ineffective) they felt vindicated by their beliefs and attempted to rub by nose in the "error of my ways." They were shocked to find the condom drawer still intact and in business. Two years later, my brother (who is pretty much a foot washing Baptist) and is very vocal about my lack of parenting skills has an oldest son who was treated for an STD, and another son who “might” be the father of some girl’s baby. The baby is due this summer. As tempting as it was to throw it in his face, I have yet to comment at all.