First of all, that's just wrong. This man gives you trips to Paris. And an even bigger sacrifice, he picks you up at LAX, just to be nice, and this is how you return the courtesy? That's just wrong.

Also, I'm going to steal "strugglingest year", but you won't be given credit. (My contenders are '82 and '91, and thanks for asking.)

Don't you understand? He loves it, and I love it. I'd do anything for him, and carry multiple bags of groceries when I'm on my own, but it's fun playing these roles.

P.S. Consider it a gift. You deserve it, even if you did get pissy about who carries the groceries in the Alkon/Sutter dyad.

P.P.S. Gregg also wears the pants, as he'd look pretty silly in the vintage Halston evening dress I wore (as daywear) to accompany him to a screening he had to go to Monday night.

Yes, we all have our roles.

Oh yeah, and '93 really sucked. And thanks for asking.

I absolutely love it when BF holds the door for me, carries in the groceries, and treats me like the fragile little flower that I am not! It was hard getting used to at first, because before he came along, it was me & the girls, and I did all of the heavy lifting. But, no more! And, need I repeat, I love it? YMMV

Flynne, you totally get it.

Amy writes: "I shook my head: "Oh, no...I'm just for decoration."
*Chuckling* you're so bad... I'll bet he loved that!
G_R

I'm glad some of you are getting this! And thanks -- I amuse myself with comedy "in vivo" as Albert Ellis would say.

PS I've mentioned this before, but I also ask Gregg what I should order at a restaurant -- simply because I noticed, early on, that he always ordered so much better than I did, and then I'd have food envy.

I do love saying, "Honey, what should I have?" and then being overheard by a waitress...who probably thinks, "Wow, is she ever submissive."

Uh, right. There's a word that's never been used to describe me!

Nothing 'submissive' about it (maybe closer to 'bottoming'?)... merely make best use of available resources ie applying skill tasking to asset availablity.
Or think of it this way: would you task a plumber with roofing the house, or a roofer with landscaping the garden, or a landscaper with installing the breaker box?
Nothing more going on here then letting him do what he does better than you and appreciating his ability to do it.
GR

"I shook my head: "Oh, no...I'm just for decoration."" Love that one. I occasionally give a blank stare when asked a question by wait staff or mall store personnel when wife and I are out together and say. "Don't look at me I'm here to provide brute strength and a bad smell (Shrug and grunt)".

My worst year had to have been 02/03 going by academic calender as I did at the time. "strugglingest year" I like it but doesn't contain enough bi-lingual expletives for that year in my life.

Amy, you possess wisdom way beyond your (delicate) years.

I was raised with sisters by a single mom, and am handier around the house than any of the fellas I've dated, so it is so NOT in my nature to say, "honey, could you help me with this?"

but I do it, because the pleased look on their faces is so darn cute. Plus who doesn't want a break from lifting things?

-Tracy

Thanks, Tracy. And as somebody who's been fiercely independent her whole life, this wasn't something that came naturally to me either.

I just somehow know that men feel good when they feel big, strong, and needed, even when they're quite clear you're just pretending.

Smart women ask men to do things for them. It's good for the relationship. Even when it's just the thing I always ask Gregg when we're leaving a restaurant with a doggie bag (which is always always, except in France): "Honey, will you carry my dinner?"

Trust me, I'm not so delicate that I can't pick up the remaining four ounces of an eight-ounce steak.

P.S. For those of you in Los Angeles, I had a super steak with butter/peppercorn sauce last night at Chaya Venice. Rare, of course. Highly recommend it! Order the eight ounce. It's huge. (Tonight's dinner, too.)

Decoration in Public? Yes. Once you get home, you best be taking care of your man. If you know what I mean. And I'm sure you do.

Sean,
By your response I'm guessing you're younger than 35?
Believe it or not the vast majority of men I know simply want to be appreciated for having a functioning intellect (ie not 'always wrong' ... to one degree or other, for one reason or other, in some circumstance or other, etc).
Keeping a guy 'happy' is not a difficult project, we look for "Miss Right" to share our lives with... just so long as her first name isn't "Always".
Gunner Retired

Tracy, when a guy works at a desk job all day, now and then he need to do something physical just to clear the cobwebs out. Lifting heavy things is definite; it doesn't require a dozen Powerpoint slides and approval from three layers of change boards. I'll carry those. Gimmie that. And that. That too. Hooah!

Gunner, watching a lot of Oprah are you? When you're not too busy watching Dr. Phil?
I got teary eyed reading your response. I think there's a Hallmark card in there somewhere.

> Don't you understand?

Well...

> letting the boy play the
> boy parts and the girl
> play the girl parts.

If that means the bathroom floors will get scrubbed by someone else, then I'm in.

Remember, ladies, the toilet seat is conveniently hinged. It's not a big deal.

"Remember, ladies, the toilet seat is conveniently hinged. It's not a big deal."

It's not fun to sit down into a toilet bowl fulla piss at 2 in the AM, after stumbling through the dark still in a quasi coma.

But if that's the biggest of my issues in a relationship I'm one lucky girl.

I was once involved with a woman who pitched a screaming one day because I left the seat up and went to bed. She was a petite lil gal who (quite literally I assure you) fell into the bowl of the toilet.
That night I went to bed and put the lid down. I'll never forget who ear splitting shriek at 3 am when she went potty.
On the plus side, she never said another word about leaving the seat up.
Gunner Retired

When I was coming back from Laughlin weedend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.

Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit. Oh Well.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weedend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.

Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit. Oh Well.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weedend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.

Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit. Oh Well.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weekend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.

Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit. Oh Well.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weekend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.
Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit. Oh Well.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weekend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. She gave me a thankful smile, Not a word was said. She was a cutie.

Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit.

When I was coming back from Laughlin weekend before last, me and my buddy stopped into a small cafe in Yucca Valley. I was having an omelet up at the counter and this petite waitress, who we were endlessly flirting with, picked up a large jar of maraschino cherries. She couldn't even fit her tiny hand across the top of that jar. With the sweetest pleading look on her face, she came over and placed the jar on the counter in front of me. I opened it without a problem. Not a word was said. She was a cutie.Gretchen, some women aren't so nice about that toilet seat. One of the biggest reamings I ever got from an old girlfriend was when I used a large hair clip in a basket on a shelf over the toilet to clip the carpet covered toilet lid to the carpet covered toilet tank. My mistake was forgetting to put it back after I was done. She found it and threw a hissy fit.

I let my guy take care of me too, because it makes him so happy. He calls me his princess. My favourite thing is letting him carry me to the bedroom, just like Scarlett & Rhett in Gone with the Wind.

Amy is arm candy? heh, how nice for the bot'o'yas...

amusingly, when confronted with a woman who says 'I can get it myself {door, carry stuff, etc}' I finally figured out what to say {beyond "OK"}: "I know you can do it yourself, I'm doing this for you because I wish to." Heh, I have even gotten some startled smiles. For the record, If I reach the door first, I open it for anyone. Although for a woman, I will make sure I get there first. Can't help it, I was raised that way, and I am raising my son, the very same way.

Wanting to help someone is not about doing it because you think they can't, grudgingly. It's about wanting to help...

er, yeah, so I got an ERROR with entry tag, so I resubmitted, and server went 'splody, so Amy, you want to take a few away?

We have no problems with the toilet seat at my house (excepting that damned women left it up the other day, after doing a quick bowl scrub). Ever since I lived in an apartment that had a full length mirror between the toilet and the wall. Took me peeing in it once, to decide never to stand to pee again (unless it's into a urinal or the great outdoors). I discovered that no matter how good your aim is, urine and toilet water splash out of the bowl in fairly copious quantities - the mirror just made this quite apparent.

We do however, play our gender roles pretty well. Believe me, momma is all about feminism, she just doesn't see the use of taking it to stupid. She (and I) figures it's good for both of us, if we focus our efforts where they are most efficient. This means that when it comes to the heavy lifting, there isn't even a question.

Test

Probably the best part of my day is coming home from work (walking dogs, a very sweaty business when conducted in Austin's stifling humidity), cleaning off and slipping into something nice just before my husband comes home. He says I don't have to go through all the trouble, but, c'mon... what trouble!?

I lifted heavy boxes for my last full-time job. I could do it, but it wasn't easy. It's far, far easier for my husband to lift things. I tell him he doesn't have to go through all the trouble, but I'm sure if we're thinking along the same pattern that he's probably thinking "What trouble!?" himself.

It's the things we do to show we care for each other. So if it makes someone like my mother groan something about the fifties, so be it.

Sorry for the multiple posts. I kept getting a text error too. Weird looking one.

Amy,

Doesn't letting the guy pay for dinner and outings fall into the same relm of letting the boy play the boy parts and the girl play the girl parts? Yet, I believe you are more of the mindset that those types of costs should be divided (other than the initial first date or so that the guy invited the girl on). What are your thoughts?

I've always been willing to alternate who pays in a relationship, but Gregg's a little older than I am, and the first time I tried to pay for him he about swallowed his chin. He pays for me all the time, and even encourages me to order a big steak when we go out to dinner so I'll have food in the house. I think this is wonderfully sweet, but he knows I'm not with him because he pays but because he's Gregg. (I told him if he ever got poor I'd be fine eating cheese and crackers and drinking a bottle of cheap wine on a park bench.)

P.S. If anybody's the frugal one in our relationship when it's his money being spent, it's me -- running back in my house to grab bottles of water when we go to the movies because paying $3 or whatever they charge for water is obscene, even though he'll do it without a blink if I'm thirsty.

okay, let's end the toilet seat debate once and for all:

when you're done using the toilet, close it. that means the lid (or the seat *and* the lid, fellas).

when you take something out of the fridge, do you leave the door open? how about the oven? front door? didn't think so.

toilet's no different. use it. close it. forget about it.

thanky.

The water in the toilet bowl doesn't spoil if you leave the seat up.

No... Thank you!

Something is wrong, I can see the comments but not the blog post?