Bad News At The Salad Bar In Anbar
A Telegraph/UK story, sourced to a tribal leader in western Anbar, has Al Qaeda banning women from buying phallic-shaped eats:
Sheikh Hameed al-Hayyes, a Sunni elder, told Reuters: "They even killed female goats because their private parts were not covered and their tails were pointed upward, which they said was haram."They regarded the cucumber as male and tomato as female. Women were not allowed to buy cucumbers, only men."
Other farcical stipulations include an edict not to buy or sell ice-cream, because it did not exist in the time of the Prophet, while hair salons and shops selling cosmetics have also been bombed.
Most seriously, Sheikh al-Hayyes said: "I saw them slaughter a nine-year old boy like a sheep because his family didn't pledge allegiance to them."
Such tactics have triggered a backlash among Sunnis, whom Al-Q'aeda had claimed to be protecting, the sheikh and military leaders said.
Lieutenant-Colonel Tim Albers, an American intelligence officer, told the news agency: "Al-Qa'eda's very heavy-handed killing of civilians backfired on them. The Sunnis just wouldn't stand for it any more.
"The self-described protectors of the Sunni community now kill more Iraqi Sunnis than anyone else."
Clive Barker had a short story decades ago about an human experiment gone wrong, putting a man into extreme sexual overdrive. Everywhere he looked, there were possible sexual connotations. Water fountains evoked male ejaculation, a crack in a brick wall was like a woman's vagina, a memorial obelisk in the park was a giant phallis, you get the idea.
Why are Al Qaeda so obsessed with sex(ual oppression)? I'd love to hear Freud's take on this extremism, but he's been rather quiet for well nigh seventy years....
Sauteed zucchini and summer squash, anyone?
juliana at September 11, 2008 8:12 AM
But wouldn't allowing only men to buy phallic foods be encouraging homosexuality?!?
And what about mushrooms - do they command them to stay out of the country all together...? B/c there is really no way around the symbolic shape of mushrooms.
Gretchen at September 11, 2008 9:18 AM
Chicken breasts, legs, neck, and thighs. Pork or beef tenderloins. Rump roast. Pork butt. Cow's tongue (oh, I'm sure there's someone out there....) Rocky Mountain Oysters!!! The Turkey Testicle Festival (I swear- 30 years running strong in Byron, IL).
Better yet, go to google images and search "tomato butt". Or peach butt, for that matter.
How do they obtain their dairy products? Someone's gotta put a hand on a teat at some point. Oh great, now I'm thinking about Harrison Ford in "Witness"....
juliana at September 11, 2008 9:53 AM
Militant Islam is what any society would be if you put a illiterate, sexually skittish, 11-year-old boy in charge of things.
Crid [cridcridatgmail] at September 11, 2008 2:48 PM
Mmmmm.... Harrison Ford in witness.
T's Grammy at September 12, 2008 9:05 AM
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